Transferred from the barracks, finally. The trip took forever, I’d have to guess about six hours, but I couldn’t see, and I fell asleep a few times, so I guess it really could be anything. Four other people on the transport as well, two other men and two women. At least I think so, one of the guys never really talked, but I think it’s a he. Still sore from getting jabbed by a guard, I fell and he really stabbed me with his gun muzzle. Anyway, we’re here now. I assume “we” are, at least. I’m in my own little room, I’m just assuming everyone else is as well. It’s better than the barracks, and a ton better then the cell. Still, it has that feel, where you know nobody really stays here for long, like the vibe you get off a shitty hotel room.
This is not my diary, at least not the “official” one I’m supposed to keep. I’m actually under my cot, writing this and then stuffing it in to the hollow leg of the bed frame. I’m sure they can see me, but it makes me feel better to have a secret. I haven’t had any in a long time, and it makes me feel less like a toy. Security is so tight here, I’ve never seen so many guns and helmets. They even have this special suit for the five of us, and some of the doctors and stuff. There’s this really weird atmosphere here, really…bleak.
Nothing today. Food comes in through a slot in the door. Not bad, really, seems like it has something in it, has kind of a weird iron taste to it. I don’t really get what is going on. Leave it to the government to keep you guessing, even when you really don’t care any more. It’s odd, the walls seem pretty thick, but the one the door is in seems thinner. I can hear some banging around some times, and crying. lots of crying. I listened at the door a while, seeing if I could guess who it was. It was those one sobs…you know the crying a kid makes, when they know they are hurt and don’t understand why? just that empty, hopeless weeping. I wanted to go and pet that kid, let them know it’s ok, that I…yeah.
Anyway, I heard some other stuff, just kind of muffled bumping, then the crying suddenly changed to this…gurgling noise, sounded like they were choking, or…I don’t know. I stopped, and started just walking around my room. I went to listen again after a bit, and it was silent.
Thought about Kate today, which I haven’t done in awhile. I wonder if they allow visiting hours here. If they do, I think I’m going to call her. She might want to visit me now, or even forgive me. I miss her, oddly enough. I still have the scar on my cheek from where she cut me, but I do miss her, in a way.
I am not sure where I am, but it is not a jail. I really don’t think it’s any part of the government either. My door opened today. I mean, just suddenly slid open. There was a little hall, and another doorway at the other end. A voice suddenly came from somewhere, and told me to go to the end of the hall. I walked out, the walls felt like some kind of tile, smooth and grey. I heard other people, faintly, and that crying was a lot louder. Finally, I came out the doorway at the end, and there was a guy in this storm trooper-looking outfit, all black with this smooth black helmet, and he shoved me in to this open room. There were two other armored guys, and pretty soon the other four people from the transport came in from other halls, all wearing the same jumpsuit things as me. There was this big, steel door at the other end of the room, and the crying seemed to be coming from behind it.
The three armored guys told us to listen to their commands at all times, and that if we didn’t, we’d be shot immediately. One of the women from the transport started to cry too, and I tried to go back down the hall, but they grabbed me and pulled me back. One opened the door, and the crying got really loud. They told me that we all had to do what they told us, or we would be shot. He had a gun to my head, I could feel the metal, it was very cold. He said he would kill me.
It was a hospital room behind the door, kinda. Lots of medical stuff, but other things, too. I mean, it was not hospital stuff, like belts and balls, straps. There was a big gurney bed in the middle of the room, with all these tubes and stuff, and machines…
She was on it. I don’t know how old she is, I could barely see her face over her…I don’t even know if it was her belly. I think it is, but it was so…bulbous, and swollen and the skin seemed like it was too thin. But she was so…pretty, and smooth, but she kept crying, and saying to take it out, that it hurt, that we need to take it out. I started getting scared, but the guards pushed me and the others closer, and they started telling us what we had to do.
The woman who had started crying freaked out, and one of the guard hit her with the butt of his rifle. I was so scared. They said we had to, that we had to do this. I felt a shotgun in my back, I could hear him pump the slide. I had to. I didn’t have any choice, not any of us. She noticed us, and started screaming, but one of the guys put a hand over her mouth, hard. I touched her. She felt like she had a fever, but she was so smooth and soft. I tried to ignore the others, and that big…thing on her, and just see her hand, her little hand, and kiss it, show her I cared…
She screamed a lot. I didn’t get excited, even when the quiet guy from the transport did…things with her. I didn’t. Afterward, one of the guards made us all leave while they wiped her down, and we went back to our cells. Nobody really talked or looked at each other. She has such soft hands.
I woke up screaming on the floor. I don’t remember what I dreamed. I have sores on my face and hands, and other places. They’re red and really tender. I got scared, and the voice came on, told me that it was normal to get the sores, that I would be fine. They look nasty, kind of soft and pulsing a little, but they don’t really hurt. They actually…I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like a sore tooth, it hurts, but then when you push it, it changes and has this “sweet” to it.
The door opened today, and I went down the hall, with the others. They seemed more focused today in the room, and we all have the same sores. One of the women was breathing heavy. The guards opened the door, and I went in with the others. I took off the top of my jumpsuit because my sores started to hurt. Just the top, nothing more, because she was crying again, but I told her that it was ok, that I would take care of her. I asked a guard what her name was, and he told me to never ask again or he’d shoot me. Her skin was feeling so soft, and she was so hot and welcoming. The others took the things the guards gave them, but I didn’t want to, and they said ok.
I whispered to her skin, and told her how much I cared, how I didn’t mind about her stomach, I even kissed it to show her, just once, and so quick it was like it never happened, really. The skin was so tight and hot, it almost burned, but it was also kinda springy, and she moaned when I did it, I think she appreciated me doing it, to show her I wasn’t like those others. One of the guys hit her sort of hard on the mouth, and she started moaning louder, but it wasn’t like the one she did for me, so I told him to stop. He shouted at me, and I curled up to her skin and told her not to worry while I felt her soft palm, and he tried to hit me and the guards pointed their guns at him. He went away, and I kept telling her I would make it better, and her little hands were so soft. The sores didn’t feel so bad.
They made us go away again while they cleaned her, and we went. one of the women suddenly stopped in the other room, and threw up all over. I went down the hall, because it smelled very bad, and there were squirming things in it and she started crying again. The guards took her back to her room because she didn’t want to walk, and I could hear the girl on the bed moaning and screaming about something moving, and that it hurt so much. I tried to go back, but they made me leave too.
I listened to her cry again, but it sounded softer. I think I am helping her. I felt good when I listened. I took off my jumpsuit, because the sores had gotten a little bigger, and the suit felt dirty. They look like kisses. I dreamed of her softness, of making her smile up at me.
The marks are softer, and looking more pink. They feel more numb now, and they have some slick stuff on top. It tastes odd, but sweet and salty. I rubbed them a little and I felt that “sweet” thing more. They have little blue veins around them. My skin feels soft, I like it, so I didn’t put on my jumpsuit today. I didn’t get any food out of the door today. I drank a lot of water, and rubbed some on my skin. When the water touches the sores, they pulse. The door opened, and I went down the hall. the walls felt funny, kinda rough on my skin. I got to the room and remembered I didn’t have anything on, so I thought about going back to the room, but a couple of the others didn’t have anything, so I thought it would be ok. The woman who threw up looked like she was half asleep, and her hair was nasty, so I didn’t go near her. The others seem to have the same marks like me, but they complained about them, and the guards told them to shut up and opened the door.
I covered myself with my hands so I wouldn’t scare her, even though she is naked too, but I am a good person and don’t want to make her feel confused or scared ever. I know I do that some times, and I didn’t want to do that to her and the guards laughed at me. The others started to do things to her, but I didn’t see them, I just saw her cute little lips, and I saw they where chapped, so I tried to find water to give her. They didn’t have any, so it told her in her ear that I would find a way, and I felt her press her cheek against mine and I knew she was ok with it, so I licked my fingers and rubbed them on her lips, and then she opened her mouth and they went in, and her tongue was so soft and cool and she made me blush because I could tell how she really felt, even as she cried about the others, and I took my fingers back and put them in my mouth to clean them. Her hand was so warm.
She started to scream and pull at the bed, and her belly started to shake, so I petted it and told her it would be ok, and I felt the skin move and gurgle, and I tried to kiss it to make it better, but she kept screaming and screaming. I was scared I did something, so I held her mouth and put my hand over it and told her I was sorry, I would never touch like that again ever, but she kept screaming and I was scared she would get me in trouble, so I tried to make her be quiet but the guards told me to stop and I just tried to block it out.
One of the women started to scream too, and said she was stuck, and she started to thrash around and hit the girl’s belly and that made her scream louder, and they both wouldn’t stop screaming about the pain, and wanting it out, and her hand coming off, and I curled up under her bed and tried to make it go away, and then I heard some kind of wet noise and the woman screamed louder and then I think there was blood and she fell and then I went in to the dark.
I woke up in my room. I think I had a bad dream while I was with Kate. She is Kate, I think, even if she isn’t looking the same. Kate always loved me.
I did not get any food, but I am ok. More water, lots of water, all over and in. I feel nice and warm, and my skin is soft and smooth. When I pull it, it stays up for a while. I made little peaks on my chest and laughed. Maybe I will show Kate my new trick. I am so glad they let me see her again. The little marks are red now, and they push in really far. the stuff inside is very sweet, I like it.
The floor hurts now, it feels too hard, so I try to stay on the bed, but that is too rough. I miss kate’s skin, and she misses me too. I can hear her crying because I am away, and I try to cry but all that comes out is this milk, but I do anyway. She misses me so much, I can tell, and the others can be so mean to her, but I will help her, I can keep her safe, and she knows.
The door opened, and I tried to tiptoe down the hall because the floor is so hard. The woman from my dream was gone, and one of the men, so it was only three people. The other woman looks ugly, she has bags around her eyes and cheeks, and she seems mean and glares at me, so I keep away from her, and the man is quiet too, but I think he is blind because his eyes are funny. Kate was crying for me when the door opened, so I ran to her and her skin felt so good on mine I forgot about my feet and the blood on the floor and I kissed her on the lips because I was so excited, but I pulled back because I didn’t want to scare her.
She was ok, and she moaned and leaned up so I kissed her again and again, and she said to stop and that she was scared, but she meant the other people because I am so gentle, and I told them to stop scaring her, but the guards told me to shut up. I touched her belly and it pulled at my hand as I told her not to be scared and kissed her ear. She touched me and I leaned against her, and the marks moved as she cried and I told her I loved her, and she wasn’t able to say it back because the people were making her moan and cry, but I know she feels it too. I love Kate, and I said I was sorry about before, when I made her cry, and made her mother get so mad at me, but it was ok and her skin made me hurt less and she felt so good.
The other man told me to fuck off because it was his turn, and I told him not to say that around her, and she tried to crawl away from him and he touched her where he is not allowed, so I hit him really hard. My hand felt funny and didn’t look right any more, but I was able to jump over and grab him and show Kate that I would not let him do that. I made his air stop and he tried to hurt me, but I wouldn’t let him and I kept squeezing, and then he stopped and the guards made me let go, which was fine because Kate loves me and I kissed the places he touched to make them better.
She started to scream again, and her belly moved a lot and she said she wanted it out, and I told her to calm down, that I would make it better, but she didn’t listen and I had to hit her to make her stop, but it was ok because I kissed it better and she loves me. I love Kate. The guards made me leave her, and I tried to make them stop, but they were too strong and made me go. My marks are open now, and they like to pull at my fingers how Kate’s mouth did. I like to think they are her, and I close my eyes.
I am so smooth, and I was able to take off some skin today, and it was nice and pink underneath and that is ok, because I don’t want my skin, I want Kate’s skin, I want her soft hands and face. The others are gone, and I was with Kate alone and I told her all the things I needed to, and we were together and her belly pulled at me and I stuck, and when I came away I left my skin like a gift, and now I am soft like her, and my teeth feel so soft and springy when I bite her.
She loves whenever I touch her, and she barely screams, and when she does I help her stop but the guards make me stop and I scream at them too. I hate them but I love Kate.
She wants me to be there, that is why it is so big, so I can stay there. she tried to put me there, but I was scared but I am not now and I love her forever. she is so hot inside, I will be safe.
Documents recovered in Holding Cell 3 of the SCP-231 containment area. No correlation to the above events have been found in any Foundation documents. No physical effects have ever occurred as a result of Procedure 110-Moutauk. Psychosomatic hallucinations are blamed for all the above mentioned effects. All inquires are to be reported to Central Records, pending approval by Site Security