Rex Sponge's Revealing Revelations
rating: +86+x

The door suddenly bursts open as Rex Sponge's foot gives it quick momentum. O5-7 wakes up from the slam of the door, leaving a puddle of drool on the desk. He looks around and slowly brushes his, long, curled moustache. His eyes suddenly set on the intruder at the door.

"Ah, so Rex, you have finally come!" O5-7 lifts an eyebrow and smirks, then rubs his hands together.

"Yes, your reign of cruelty is over, O5 dash 7, or should I call you… 'Data'!" Rex snarls and gazes at the man, aiming his pistol at the villain's head.

"Ah, so you figured it out, did you? That I am actually an SCP, a technopath?" Data giggles madly.

"And that you've been controlling that reptile the whole time!"

"Ah, yes, 682 is a prize." Data giggles again. "But did you know I - I mean we - made him! That we made all the SCPs?"

"Of course I did - I'm Rex Sponge!" Rex flips his hair. The poor and discomforting lighting of the room somehow makes it glisten. "Ever since you created and broke up with the Factory, Chaos Insurgency, ORIA, and Global Occult Coalition, you've never stopped abusing Class-D's for your own nefarious deeds!"

"Then you know that 173 is actually O5-1?" Data seems shocked at Rex's knowledge of Foundation history.

"Yes, and now your time is up!" Rex takes another step forward.

"Ah, but how do you expect to deal with… a tank of 231-7 offspring that we've been secretly breeding?" Data's hand begins to descend upon a large, red button on his desk.

"Your time is over!" Rex shoots Data's right hand. The technopath screams and pulls back his hand.

"Data, consider yourself Rex Sponged!" Rex pulls the trigger and a red dot suddenly appears on Data's head, which begins overflowing with blood. The O5 collapses into the chair, dead.

Rex takes a list out of his pocket and crosses a name off. One dead, eleven to go.


Or, wait, would it be 14? Rex shook his head out of his day-dream. Now was no time for lolly-gagging. Now was the time for action. All the planning he had performed would now culminate into this one moment - as soon as he kicked down this door.

Rex looked at the door. He gazed at its window, specifically the writing on it that said "O5-7". He took a breath in, then kicked it.

Jesus fuck, that hurt. But this obstacle would not get in the way of Rex Sponge, junior level researcher and herald of justice. He thrust back his leg again, ready to descend upon the door, when a noise interrupted him. It was a voice inside, telling him to come in. Rex paused, in thought, then shrugged and opened the door.

"You know, most people knock more than once when they want to enter. You're lucky I heard you." The voice came from a middle-aged man seated at a desk at the end of the office, sitting down and shuffling through papers.

"O5-7, your time is up, or should I call you… Data!" Rex gave a menacing stare at the man.

The man looked up. "What?"

"Don't toy with me, 'O5-7', if that is your real name! You and I both know you're a technopath!" Rex took a step forward, his hand at his waist, ready to draw a pistol.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" The man gave Rex a look of confusion.

"Don't use your mind tricks on me, bender!" Rex drew his gun, pointing it at the man.

"Wait, if I'm a technopath, how could I- You know what, never mind. What the hell is wrong with you?" The man gave Rex a look.

"Playing stupid will get you nowhere!"

The man sighed, and began to reach for a small, green button at the edge of his desk. Rex pulled the trigger. The man didn't even flinch as he pressed the button. Rex jumped out of the way, expecting the floor to open up beneath himself into a pit of keter-class solar babies.

"Security personnel will be here in a few mi- Did you try to shoot me!?" The man looked like he was about to laugh. "Did you not fucking notice the bullet-proof glass in front of my desk."

Rex had indeed failed to notice, being too focused on the corrupt demon sitting before him. Looking up now he could see a small mark left by his bullet that would probably have hit the ceiling anyways.

"B-but… you control 682…" Rex looked shocked. How could he not have foreseen such a devious trick?

"What the hell are you talking about? We're trying to destroy 682. He's a huge drain of our resources and kills a lot of D-class personnel. It's such a shame to see their lives go to waste like that."

"A-ha! So you think human lives are disposable!" Rex lifted his hand in triumph.

"What? No. Are you fucking stupid? I mean, I obviously hold a utilitarian philosophy, but that doesn't mean I kill people just because. What, you think I think this is just some big game?"

"But… what about when you created the Factory, and the Chaos Insurgency made 173 O5-1, and…"

"Are you high? No, seriously, are you fucked right now? What the fuck kind of…" The man shook his head. "I honestly don't know how to respond to that."

"No, I figured it out. When I sa-" Whatever Rex was about to say at that moment was lost as several armed bodyguards tackled him into the ground and sedated him.

"Are you alright, sir?" asked a security guard.

"Just fine, thank you Agent." The man nodded to the guard. He waited for the guard to leave, then swiveled his chair around. A small, white cat leaped out from a high shelf and landed on his lap, although only half of its body was visible. The man then pressed a large, red button under his desk and the wall moved to show a large screen displaying 11, or maybe 14, faces. Most clad with moustaches.

"Rex Sponge has been eliminated, brothers and sisters!" The man spoke in a sneering tone. "Now all we have left is Breanne Dact!" The man began to cackle, and others joined him.

"How do you propose we eliminate her?" asked a gentlemanly fellow in the top left.

"I say we stick 'er," a figure replied, smiling to show rather unkempt teeth, "I'll just slip in right behind 'er and stick 'er with my shiv." He then proceeded to take out his shiv and clean his teeth, to little effect.

"Excellent proposal, 173, but I have a better idea. Why don't we use Rex Sponge against her?" O5-7 looked around. "We'll simply abuse the obedience collars like we always do and have him kill her."

"That's totally mental!" 173 exclaimed, "I love it. Let's 'ave a jolly ol' time fuckin' with the bugger."

"Yes. This will end nicely. Muhahahaha."


Agent Johnson looked at Rex. "And… and that's why you killed Breanne? Because the O5s used mind control on you?"

"Yes, yes, of course. They're all evil you see. Could you loosen these restraints?"

"And… 173 is British?"

"Duh. Why else would he be wearing a top hat?"

"You never mentioned that."

"Oh, well he was. And he had a moustache. Seriously, these are cutting off the circulation to my hands."

"Not yet, Rex. You see, when we discovered you, you had no collar on at all."

"Well they gave it a self-destruct… thingy."

"And witnesses to the event said they saw no other collar either."

"It was camouflaged."

"They also said you called her a 'Lying, cheating bitch' as you strangled her."

"Well that's what they forced me to say."

"Rex, what makes you think I should believe anything you say?"

"They're evil, man, I'm telling you."

"Okay, let's say that all happened. Let's say you somehow knew what the O5s were saying even though you were escorted out. Let's say they used the mind control collar. Let's say you aren't fucking insane. There's still a gigantic problem with your story."

"What is it?"

Agent Johnson brought out a piece of paper. On it was a drawing.

scp-173bueno2a.png

"173 is Mexican."

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