SCP-022-J
rating: +174+x

Note: This document has been designated a Lethe-class infohazard. Your access has been logged and you will submit to an examination to assess its impact no later than two days from this moment. If you have accessed this document unintentionally, cease reading immediately and contact the Cognitohazard Research Group.

titanium.jpg

A containment vessel constructed from SCP-022-J.

Item #: SCP-022-J

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:  Due to widespread public knowledge of SCP-022-J, containment of SCP-022-J is limited to mitigating the damage caused by its effects. To this effect, the following procedures are to be enacted:

  • The availability of SCP-022-J is to be reduced by means including but not limited to:  Suppressing research into more efficient methods of refining SCP-022-J ores; limiting the mining of areas rich in SCP-022-J ores under the guise of, e.g., protection of endemic species1; using front companies to artificially drive up the price of SCP-022-J, in order to limit the damage due to effects of SCP-022-J-1.
  • Suppressing public awareness of SCP-022-J physical properties to prevent SCP-022-J-2 effects from manifesting. To this effect, media containing counterfactual information with regard to the physical properties and proper uses of SCP-022-J are to be produced and propagated.
  • Suppressing public awareness of SCP-022-J 's anomalous properties.
  • Treatment of individuals severely affected by SCP-022-J-2 by Class-B amnesiacs.

Because the risks SCP-022-J-1 poses to Foundation personnel, especially those in charge of designing containment procedures, any containment procedures proposal containing relevant keywords are to be checked by personnel immunized against SCP-022-J-1. Calming agents of choice (chocolate, beer, Diazepam, Xanax, cannabis) are to be available to such personnel to mitigate the effects of SCP-022-J-2.

Description:  SCP-022-J is the pure, solid form of chemical element commonly known as titanium (Ti), of atomic number of 22, and average molar mass of 47.86 g/mol.  In its active state, SCP-022-J appears as a shiny, hard solid of density approximately 4.5 g/ccm, and melting point of approximately 1940 K. SCP-022-J behaves as a paramagnetic metal in most aspects, and possesses a tensile strength of roughly 434 MPa, remarkable for its low density.

SCP-022-J is an infohazard — knowledge about it causes the manifestation of two distinct sets of symptoms, designated SCP-022-J-1 and SCP-022-J-2.

SCP-022-J-1 initially manifests when an individual with no prior knowledge is exposed to incomplete or erroneous information about SCP-022-J's physical properties, and its recommended usage.
Individuals under the effects of SCP-022-J-1 will gradually begin to assert the superiority of SCP-022-J as a structural material, and recommend or attempt to enforce its use as such whenever possible, even in cases where this has a significant negative effect on functionality. Common terms used by affected individuals with reference to SCP-022-J-1 include "strongest metal in the world," "supertough supermetal," "refined, impenetrable metal," and "The He-Man of materials". In the cases where this behaviour induces a performance failure or deficiency, an affected individual will refuse to acknowledge THAT THEY FUCKED UP SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK MAKES A TITANIUM ANCHOR SCP-022-J's role in the incident, inventing increasingly bizarre alternative explanations.

SCP-022-J-2 manifests when an individual FUCKING GETS A CLUE SHEESH IS IT SO HARD TO READ A GODDAMN STANDARD is exposed to accurate information about SCP-022-J's physical properties, and correct recommended usage guidelines. Individuals already affected by SCP-022-J-1 CAN'T FUCKING GET IT IN THEIR GODDAMN HEADS WITH A HAMMER IF I HEAR ABOUT TITANIUM BEING THE STRONGEST METAL I WILL PUNCH THEM IN THE DICK WITH A FIST MADE OF show considerable resistance to SCP-022-J-2.
Subjects affected by SCP-022-J-2 display signs of anger and mental distress at mentions of pure titanium or its usage, to the point of becoming physically violent. This is especially marked when the triggers are usual vectors of SCP-022-J-1, such as media containing examples of inappropriate uses of SCP-022-J.
Treatment with Class-B amnesiacs has been shown to NO FUCK THIS THERE'S NO SCP-022-J-2 THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME ANYONE REASONABLE WOULD FUCKING FREAK OUT WHEN SEEING THE FIFTIETH SCP PROPOSAL CALLING FOR A FIVE FOOT THICK TITANIUM WALLS YOUD HAVE PUNCHED HIM TOO I'LL GIVE THEM TITANIUM IN THEIR DAMN FACES WITH A TITANIUM DILDO THIS IS A TITANIUM CONSPIRACY TO SELL MORE TITANIUM WHATEVER FUCK THEY MAKE OF TITANIUM I WILL SHOW THEM WHO'S BEfrvt cgdfrrrrrrrrrrrrrg5wr67u
 
Addendum 022-J-1:

Incident 022-J-1:
Foreword: On ██/07/201█, while working on SCP-022-J report, Researcher Eisenberg, further referred to as subject, succumbed to the effects of SCP-022-J-2. Transcript of security camera footage follows.
<BEGIN LOG>
<19:00> Subject begins work on SCP-022-J report.
<19:30> Subject commences chewing on a pencil.
<19:41> Subject bites pencil through.
<19:44> Subject ceases spitting out splinters, curses loudly.
<19:49> Subject loosens his tie, takes out an unidentified pill, and swallows it, taking a drink from nearby flowerpot, slumping on the chair.
<19:54> Subject resumes work.
<20:38> Subject's typing rate increases.
<20:39> Subject begins bashing the keyboard with his fists.
<20:40> Subject tears out keyboard from workstation, and runs out into the joining hall, screaming incoherently.
<20:45> Subject uses keyboard to assault a security guard, yelling "I'LL GIVE YOU TITANIUM CAGES I'LL GIVE YOU TITANIUM TITS YOU CUNTWHACKED ASSCHEEKS", and is promptly subdued.
<END LOG>
Closing Statement: Researcher Eisenberg was restrained, and isolated in Section-5 Medical Wing on Site-19. Researcher Eisenberg's 2/022-J clearance was revoked, and he is relieved of his duties until his mental state stabilizes. Work on SCP-022-J documentation overhaul has been suspended, and the existing document classified as a Lethe-class infohazard.

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