Item #: SCP-118-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-118-J is to be contained at Site 19 until further notice by allowing him to work with whatever it is that SCP-118-J does around here anyway. SCP-118-J can be assigned further research duties, but prolonged interaction may cause individuals to exceed their daily sodium intake. It is not advised to agitate SCP-118-J, as it causes SCP-118-J to grow in size.
In the event of an explosive outburst, Foundation personnel are advised to tell SCP-118-J to chill, and remind them of their condition, through an interrogative statement.
Description: SCP-118-J is formerly Foundation Researcher Doctor Michael Magnus, who was transformed into a substantial quantity of common table salt after an unfortunate incident in the Site 19 cafeteria.
After this incident SCP-118-J has become a giant pile of salt, with a labcoat, and a pair of glasses in there somewhere. SCP-118-J is still able to perform his research duties for the Foundation, though the amount of salt he emits while doing so is staggering. Salt emissions have been observed to increase around payday, and after sporting events involving the Pittsburgh Steelers American football team.
SCP-118-J has been observed to increase in the total volume of salt when agitated or corrected. As such it is recommended to try and keep SCP-118-J calm. Failure to do so may endanger your cardiovascular health.
Researcher Kens observed the transformation of Dr. Magnus on November 17th, 2004 after he became agitated, and "entered a salt state" (hereafter referred to as CONDITION-POSTERIOR-DAMAGED) during their shared lunch break.
At this time, there's no known cure for SCP-118-J's condition, and will most likely remain a giant pile of salt until he dies.
Dr. Magnus' note:
Get fucked Kens, you took that last plate of Carbonara, when you knew I wanted it, and that doesn't make me "salty", you giant chode. Stop posting this shit to the database, they're already murdering my inbox because of this.