SCP-1543-J
rating: +221+x

Item: SCP-1543

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Since SCP-1543-02 was built by The Foundation, it requires no special form of containment, except to keep it hidden from the public eye, due to its advanced technology and anomalous materials. To do this, invisibility fields and light reflectors will be attached, and radio-jamming signals will be employed. SCP-1543-01 is a sentimental keepsake, and is to be kept in a museum built around its original location. This museum is to be curated and cleaned by a top-notch maintenance crew, as SCP-1543-01 represents an important part of The Foundation's history and heritage. Also, because of this, all workers get a vacation at least once a year to visit, and level three and four receive free passes, along with cheaper access to the lecture hall.

Description: SCP-1543-01 is a catapult with an absurdly far length of range, designed in 16██ to meet a common need of that time: launching dangerous and potentially reality-altering objects into the sun. Apparently people thought back then that the easiest and most efficient way of disposing of SCPs was the burning heat of a star, even if the object in question could be destroyed in a simpler way, would escape while flying through the air, or would actually feed off the energy inside the thing that was supposed to annihilate it. Despite the fact that this was often an unnecessary waste of resources and time, it was often decided as the best course of action.

Inside the museum surrounding it, displayed behind glass cases and on pedestals, painted and photographed, and sold on key chains in miniature form, are replicas of all the SCPs launched into the Sun by SCP-1543-01. Some of these include:

  • A thirty-foot monster.
  • A normal human who, while invulnerable, was not any stronger than a normal man, and could feel pain. (Seriously, why couldn't they just keep him locked up? Leave him alone in a cell? Did it really bother them that much that he couldn't be destroyed? Was it an ego thing? Jesus Christ, they should have just let it go.)
  • An atom bomb from the future: caused solar flares for a month, half of Europe rendered sterile.
  • A tiny black hole: nearly started an end-of-the-world class scenario.
  • A miniature sun: [DATA EXPUNGED].
  • Heat-absorbing ring that causes mild headaches to those in near vicinity: Overseers told to just calm down a little bit.
  • A sentient difference engine that had been requesting a better power source and insinuated that it might be able to use the sun as one: launched into the sun, achieved singularity, invaded earth.
  • A tree that fed off energy and became stronger because of it, growing more and more branches that attack people: (Literally, this was its actual name) Entire ruling council of the Foundation executed for gross stupidity and incompetence.
  • SCP-682: grew wings; lot of people ended up with razor sharp feathers in their eyes.

SCP-1543-02 is a large spacecraft shaped like a cannon. All the money that could have gone into curing diseases or designing better sites went into its construction (it seems to be almost an obsession with the higher members). Because of this, it is surrounded by three fusion rings, and contains a fission core, fourteen on-board AIs, a full faculty, and the most precise aiming system ever made— controllers can pick the exact spot where the SCP that bounces off of colored objects is shot. Painted on the side is the motto, in large capital letters, "When in doubt, launch into the sun" (which some feel can never match the flair of the SCP's old creed, "Into the fiery orb with ye"). Here is a partial list of objects launched into the sun by the station:

  • A meteorite that causes a massive explosion when it unfreezes.
  • A giant creature from another dimension that said it came here to "devour our sun": Darkness for 14 days.
  • 214 viruses.
  • 513 bacteria.
  • A dark-matter sun core demon.
  • 12 fungi (three of which die when exposed to room temperature).
  • A completely harmless rock that could not be destroyed as long as it was by the earth.
  • A small globe that controls what happens on earth— whatever is inflicted on it occurs on our planet as well: [DATA EXPUNGED].
  • A box with a tiny version of our universe in it: [DATA EXPUNGED].
  • A "spooky" lamp.
  • An equally disturbing painting.
  • SCP-682: came back on fire.

Addendum 01: I don't like the tone of this report! The sun launcher is freaking awesome, everyone knows real men like SCP-1543! I have a poster of it in my quarters! Yeah!

Addendum 02: Because of 682's continuing resistance to being shot into the sun, a new solution has been devised: building an even bigger sun launcher, specially designed for the lizard. Rumor has it that this one might either: A) launch the bastard straight through the sun, B) launch him really hard into the sun, or C) pull the sun towards the station (like on wicked fire chains or something). Because of the costs of this massive undertaking, the research department had to be shut down. Lets just say they weren't pleased and didn't go quietly; a couple left screaming something about having discovered a way to kill 682. What a bunch of losers.

Addendum 03: There is a long standing tradition of rivalry between the task force that runs The Sun Launcher and Team 10 Gazillion Nuclear Detonations All Used At Once. Both think their way is the best, and the other's is completely ridiculous.

Addendum 04: Team 10 Gazillion Nuclear Detonations All Used At Once has been complaining because of all the focus and attention given to the new sun launcher, as well as all the funds being directed to the project. As a compromise, this deal has been reached: an undisclosed number of nuclear missiles have been placed on the spacecraft, just in case anything goes wrong, and buttons to activate the self-destruct sequence have been placed in open accessible spaces, for easy and quick access. When The League of Needlessly Wasting Class D Personnel heard of this and complained, whining of favoritism, a shipment of prisoners was brought up to the shuttle, to be kept in a special area outside of the spacecraft. Another special interest group, The White Cane, tried to jump on the bandwagon and asked that these Class D Personnel be blind for better containment procedures. They were soothed when we told them that the vacuum of space would most likely cause the guards' eyes to pop out anyway.

Addendum 05: The Department of Arming Violent Criminals has successfully lobbied to have the D-Class security detail issued M249 light machine guns. Further requests for FMJ, explosive, or incendiary ammunition are under review due to the recent "micrometeor shower" that inflicted roughly $7 billion worth of damage on [REDACTED].

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