SCP-1797-J
rating: +26+x
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SCP-1797-J. Note the presence of a handsome friend.

Item #: SCP-1797-J

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1797-J is to be kept inside a secure storage unit at the media archive of Site-77. It is to be checked regularly for imperfections. Once every four years, a search of any possibly related artifacts should be conducted through the archives.

Description: SCP-1797-J is a polymorphic oil portrait of former United States President George Washington. Behind him stands an unidentified male figure engaging in apparently vigorous sexual intercourse with Washington.

"GEORGE WASHINGTON ENTERTAINING A GENTLEMAN FRIEND WHILE PICKING HIS NOSE"(sic) has been written on the backing with a felt tipped writing instrument. Laboratory analysis indicates that SCP-1797-J is from an authentic time period.

SCP-1797-J was initially encountered by a filing clerk in the George Washington Presidential Library in 1█81. Upon viewing it they alerted the local constabulary with the intent to find the painter and press "obscenity charges". A low-level investigation was conducted, at which point the Foundation was alerted and secured SCP-1797-J.

Further investigation of the library's records by Foundation personnel failed to yield any leads on SCP-1797-J's origin.

Repeated viewings of SCP-1797-J causes it to display a different scene. Each viewing becomes more and more "randy"; However the President will always be picking his nose.

Addendum: Researcher James has pointed out a possible relation to the following items:

  • SCP-████ - "John Adams yanking out a loose tooth while vacuuming"
  • SCP-████ - "Thomas Jefferson being hit with a spork while kicking"
  • SCP-████ - "James Madison doing jumping-jacks while writing a letter"
  • SCP-████ - "James Monroe toweling off while bicycling"
  • SCP-████ - "John Quincy Adams frowning while looking at his dad"
  • SCP-████ - "Andrew Jackson tying his shoelaces while melting"
  • SCP-████ - "Martin Van Buren laying his head in a guillotine while playing a borrowed Game Gear"
  • SCP-████ - "William Henry Harrison conducting an orchestra while sneezing"
  • SCP-████ - "John Tyler verbally reprimanding his children while taking off a Pinocchio costume
  • SCP-████ - "James K. Polk dancing while learning to scuba dive"
  • SCP-████ - "Zachary Taylor picking cherries while drawing himself a map"
  • SCP-████ - "Millard Fillmore filling a mill with flour while giving a haircut"
  • SCP-████ - "Franklin Pierce drinking while conducting a train"
  • SCP-████ - "James Buchanan cooking some dinner while converting to Mormonism"
  • SCP-████ - "Abraham Lincoln being kicked in the nuts while changing into corduroy pants"
  • SCP-████ - "Andrew Johnson checking out a library book while crows peck at his eyes"
  • SCP-████ - "Ulysses S. Grant having sex while drinking"
  • SCP-████ - "Rutherford B. Hayes opening his mail while grilling a steak"
  • SCP-████ - "James Garfield tripping over some tree roots while wearing a hat"
  • SCP-████ - "Chester Arthur having an operation while attempting to return a gift"
  • SCP-████ - "Grover Cleveland shoveling manure while practicing defenestration
  • SCP-████ - "Benjamin Harrison spending a billion dollars while spelunking
  • SCP-████ - "Grover Cleveland suffering from defenestration while gravitating
  • SCP-████ - "William McKinley inserting a butt-plug while playing the harmonica"
  • SCP-████ - "Theodore Roosevelt canoeing while scratching his ass"
  • SCP-████ - "Howard Taft having a dick drawn on his face while taking a bath"
  • SCP-████ - "Woodrow Wilson being racist while paying a parking ticket"
  • SCP-████ - "Warren G. Harding betting on a horse-race while he is attacked by fire ants"
  • SCP-████ - "Calvin Coolidge wiping a booger on a 4 year-old named Ricky while hokey-pokeying"
  • SCP-████ - "Herbert Hoover impersonating the Michelin Man while learning to be a city planner"
  • SCP-████ - "Franklin Roosevelt being mocked by stand-up comedians while listening to the radio"
  • SCP-████ - "Harry Truman polishing his spectacles while participating in a bank robbery"
  • SCP-████ - "Dwight D. Eisenhower being devoured by snapping turtles while urinating"
  • SCP-████ - "John F. Kennedy falling out of an airplane while combing his hair"
  • SCP-████ - "Lyndon B. Johnson exiting a Dollar General while lancing a boil"
  • SCP-████ - "Richard Nixon grating some cheese while visiting Tokyo Disney"
  • SCP-████ - "Gerald Ford coordinating a model shoot while playing football"
  • SCP-████ - "Jimmy Carter lighting his car on fire while knitting a sweater"
  • SCP-1981 - "Ronald Reagan Cut Up While Talking"
  • SCP-████ - "George H. W. Bush trying to tell a joke while vibrating"
  • SCP-████ - "Bill Clinton operating a radio telescope while deciding which tie to wear tonight"
  • SCP-████ - "George W. Bush getting a pap smear while reading"
  • SCP-████ - "Barack Obama surveying a volcano while failing a math test"
  • SCP-████ - "Donald Trump shuffling a deck of cards while yodeling"
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