SCP-1D6-J
rating: +268+x

Item #: SCP-1D6-J

Object Class:

  1. Safe
  2. Euclid
  3. Keter
  4. Safe, later promoted to Euclid once it exploded a guy's eyeballs
  5. Safe, later promoted to Keter once it exploded ten guys' eyeballs
  6. Double Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1D6-J is to be contained within:

  1. a cardboard box
  2. standard 3m x 3m x 3m room
  3. standard 3m x 3m x 3m room with a lock on the door
  4. olympic pool full of vinegar
  5. underground bunker guarded by a priest, a rabbi, and a cowboy
  6. its own pocket universe

Description: SCP-1D6-J is a:

  1. stone cube
  2. common household item
  3. big dog
  4. swarm of insects
  5. just some hobo
  6. conglomeration of body parts from at least three different taxa

except that it is:

  1. extremely old and decaying
  2. brand spanking new
  3. alarmingly out of fashion
  4. warm to the touch
  5. radioactive
  6. noneuclidian

SCP-1D6-J was acquired from:

  1. Dr. Bright's bathroom
  2. suburban house, family now insane
  3. holy temple, monks didn't like it
  4. alternate future
  5. real future
  6. another universe, bad move in retrospect

Attempts to destroy it have failed due to:

  1. didn't feel like it
  2. it's indestructible
  3. it regenerates
  4. it is too cute to destroy
  5. it destroys the scientists first
  6. [DATA EXPUNGED] all over people's faces

Handling the SCP or being close to it leads to:

  1. hairy palms
  2. intense feeling of paranoia
  3. skin replaced with non-skin substance
  4. hive mind formation
  5. Disappearing Leg Syndrome (DLS)
  6. heat death

Research Log:
Research attempted:

  1. threw rubber ball at SCP
  2. exposed it to open flame
  3. told a D-Class to tell his problems to SCP
  4. uttered list of power words between "G" and "M"
  5. drew a mustache on it with marker
  6. fed it to SCP-682

Results:

  1. strong smell of camphor
  2. voices from beyond the membrane dictate shopping list
  3. blood, blood everywhere
  4. nothing much, but O5s told us to stop anyway
  5. Site-22 destroyed
  6. time now runs backwards, my bad

Notes:

  1. Don't feed it after midnight
  2. Stop using this as a doorstop, you guys
  3. All references to pop culture are strictly forbidden
  4. Pretty sure it winked at me
  5. Requests for better accommodation and some light reading rescinded
  6. It speaks truth and we shall all join it on the black ship
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