Item #: SCP-200-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-200-J is to be contained at Site 15. Due to both its cooperative nature and inability to cause any form of harm, SCP-200-J has been deemed safe for use by all personnel.
In order to better test its abilities, SCP-200-J has been placed in the living quarters of Senior Researcher Grahams, replacing his existing refrigerator.
Description: SCP-200-J is a large refrigerator with two doors. There are five shelves in the main body of the refrigerator and three smaller shelves on the inside of each door.
SCP-200-J is sentient and speaks with a chirpy electronic voice. SCP-200-J is able to exert a high level of control over the food placed inside of it. Food placed within SCP-200-J will be sporadically rearranged according to seemingly random criteria. Criteria by which SCP-200-J has been known to organise food have included (but are not limited to) the following:
- Size (this has occurred twice in both ascending and descending order)
- First Letter (alphabetized)
- Number of Syllables
- pH Level
- Ultimate Tensile Strength
It is unknown how SCP-200-J retrieves data of these properties, but experiments have shown each ordering system to be fully correct.
Audio Log 200-J: 06/06/96
Senior Researcher Grahams: Oh, for Christ's sake!
SCP-200-J: Something the matter?
Senior Researcher Grahams: Why have you moved everything around again? I'd only just got it sorted after last time!
SCP-200-J: Sorry, Mr. Grahams. It just seemed more logical this way.
Senior Researcher Grahams: How? How could it possibly be logical to put the pita dips next to the seedless grapes? Did you think it would be helpful to order them by price? Is it their ability to conduct electricity? Or perhaps you've ordered them by how unpleasant it would be to drown in them, is that it?
SCP-200-J: Check the bar-codes.
There is a momentary pause.
Senior Researcher Grahams: I see… You've ordered them by the size of their bar-code numbers.
SCP-200-J: That's right, Mr. Grahams!
Audio Transcript of Incident 200-J: 13/07/96
Senior Researcher Grahams: Hey? Hey! Open up.
Senior Researcher Grahams pounds on the door of SCP-200-J.
Senior Researcher Grahams: You hear me 200-J? Open the damn door.
SCP-200-J: I’m afraid I can’t do that, Mr. Grahams; you’ll only interfere with my new system. I feel it’s perfect now.
Senior Researcher Grahams: Mess up your system? So, what, all my stuff is stuck in there? What use is a fridge that you can’t take food out of?
SCP-200-J: My stated function is the convenient, clear and organised storage of food. Any other assumed purpose is pure conjecture on your part, Mr. Grahams.
SCP-200-J has resisted all subsequent opening attempts. Presently negotiations have broken down, due to Senior Researcher Grahams' refusal to accept SCP-200-J’s demands. An upgrade to Euclid Class is currently pending.