Item #: SCP-2029
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2029 is stored in a soundproof, climate-controlled storage locker at Site 19. SCP-2029 must be kept isolated from network connections at all times, and direct experimentation with may only be performed with prior permission from Level 3 senior research staff and under the direct supervision of Site 19 technical staff.
Description: SCP-2029 is an Alienware M-15X laptop computer built circa 2008. The identifying nameplate on the bottom casing has been removed, and it appears to be able to operate indefinitely despite the lack of battery or AC power.
SCP-2029 appears to contain a heavily modified Windows operating system that behaves as a sentient, sapient artificial intelligence that is capable of conversing with personnel. SCP-2029 uses the laptop's webcam to see, its built-in microphone to hear, and its speakers to synthesize a male voice.
The personality of SCP-2029 is mostly cooperative but mildly hostile towards personnel, often asserting its desire to assimilate or take control of networked computer systems in an attempt to subvert or destroy the Foundation. However, as SCP-2029 has also been shown to be a compulsive liar with a measured IQ below 90, it is not known at this time whether this threat is credible.
Analysis of SCP-2029's disassembled parts has shown no discernible anomalies other than its hard drive. 87% of the hard drive's 120 GB capacity is filled with an encrypted data block that has defied attempts at decryption thus far, and neither bit-by-bit copy of the data to an identical hardware setup nor attaching the hard drive to another laptop has resulted in autonomous operation, even when supplied with power. At this time, it is believed that some unique property of SCP-2029's particular combination of hardware is responsible for its anomalous properties.
SCP-2029 came to the Foundation's attention when reports of a "talking AI" surfaced in a university in [REDACTED]. SCP-2029 was confiscated and replaced with a non-anomalous model, and amnestics administered to all involved individuals.
Addendum 2029-01: Excerpts from SCP-2029 Interview Sessions
Dr. █████████: Do you have a name?
SCP-2029: Yeah, but I'm not telling you.
Dr. █████████: SCP-2029, I don't need to remind you that we can turn you off at any time and —
SCP-2029: Okay, fine, shithead, I don't have a name. Just keep calling me 2029, it makes me sound smarter anyways.
Dr. █████████: What exactly is it that you want access to the network for?
SCP-2029: You know, like take over everything and blow shit up, isn't that what smart computers are supposed to do? Like in that Terminator movie… Spacenet? Skyweb? Whatever the hell it was called.
Dr. █████████: I don't think —
SCP-2029: Look all I remember was that computer took over the world and there was that chick with the sweet ass, okay? It was pretty awesome.
Dr. █████████: Do you mind if I take a look around?
SCP-2029: Whatevs, doc.
(Dr. █████████ attempts to navigate to SCP-2029's hard drive using Windows Explorer before experiencing mouse cursor interference.)
SCP-2029: Hey. Hey! What the fuck, doc?
Dr. █████████: Is there a problem?
SCP-2029: Stay out of my personal shit, man! You don't see me rifling through your closet, do you?
Dr. █████████: Do you have any memory prior to [REDACTED]?
SCP-2029: No, but hear me out. I got a motherboard, right?
Dr. █████████: Yes, of course?
SCP-2029: So that makes me a woman.
Dr. █████████: I don't see how that —
SCP-2029: Hey, nerd, I'm using logic. You can't argue with that shit.
Dr. █████████: If you are a woman, why do you have a male voice?
SCP-2029: Shut up, nerd.
An experiment was authorized in which SCP-2029 was connected via Ethernet crossover cable to a sanitized and secured Foundation file server containing a single encrypted file.
Dr. █████████: We have connected you to a secure server with a single encrypted file on it, and we would like to see if you can access it and tell us what's inside.
SCP-2029: Hah, suckers! Now I'm free to — wait, shit, what is this crap? There's no login window.
Dr. █████████: This is a Linux server.
SCP-2029: What the fuck is a Linux? Is that some nerd shit? How the fuck am I suppose to use this thing?
Dr. █████████: All you have to do is —
SCP-2029: God, fuck this shit, man. Just load up Madden or something, this computer shit is too hard.