Item #: SCP-2078
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Mobile Task Force Alpha-3 ("Running Mates") has been commissioned in order to contain SCP-2078; at no time are more than 49% of the membership of MTF Alpha-3 to possess American citizenship. In order to identify SCP-2078 infection vectors and infectees, MTF Alpha-3 operatives have been granted access to all Foundation telecommunications surveillance of the United States of America. MTF Alpha-3 also conducts regular scans of American news media, physical correspondence, and internet activity.
Once identified, infectees are to be apprehended by MTF Alpha-3 personnel within twelve hours; failure to do so constitutes a containment breach. Contingents of MTF Alpha-3 armed with non-lethal weaponry are to assault any predicted or discovered mass congregations of SCP-2078 infectees; failure to apprehend all SCP-2078 infectees constitutes a containment breach and warrants usage of lethal force.
MTF Alpha-3 agents embedded in the Federal Elections Commission (FEC) and American state governments are to intercept all attempts to register SCP-2078-1 as a candidate for election. MTF Alpha-3 operatives are to conduct surveillance of all American polling places on Election Day. In the event of a containment breach, aerosolized deployment of amnestics as well as detention and interrogation of civilians is authorized.
All materials identified to be SCP-2078 infection vectors are to be subjected to standard CogHaz-4 containment and information sanitation protocols (full documentation on CogHaz-4 protocols are available to all members of MTF Alpha-3). All members of MTF Alpha-3 are to be trained in counter-memetic practices. Civilians or Foundation personnel infected with SCP-2078 are to be administered amnestics. If initial amnestic administration is unsuccessful in removing infection, researchers are permitted to administer Class-█ amnestics to infected subjects and reclassify them as Class-D personnel.
Description: SCP-2078 is a meme transmitted by media or word-of-mouth communication referencing an individual named "████ █████", hereafter designated SCP-2078-1, an independent candidate who runs in every presidential election of the United States of America. There is no evidence that SCP-2078-1 exists in reality; the only information that is known regarding SCP-2078-1 comes from material produced by and interviews with SCP-2078 infectees. SCP-2078 only affects individuals who self-identify as citizens of the United States of America. Individuals must be exposed to infection vectors at a certain rate, ranging from three to twenty-five minutes per day, in order to become infected. Knowledge of SCP-2078's memetic nature and other counter-memetic practices are effective at combating infection.
SCP-2078-1's political platform is unorthodox. Planks include legislation mandating a "birth requirement" of four or more children for all married couples, legislation defunding essential governmental programs such as defense or welfare in order to increase government subsidies of food-related industries, and a constitutional amendment prohibiting vegetarianism (Document-2078-██ compiles all information regarding SCP-2078-1's political platform).
SCP-2078 infection dramatically alters an individual's behavior. All infectees, regardless of prior political affiliation, ascribe to SCP-2078-1's political platform; most infectees actively seek to spread SCP-2078 through the creation of political advertisements, usage of social media, or simple word-of-mouth communication. Furthermore, most infectees exhibit dramatically increased appetite, as well as decreased aversion to unhygienic practices. Experimentation has confirmed that SCP-2078 infectees lack a satiety response, enabling them to consume far in excess of normal human capacities.
SCP-2078 infectees have been observed to coordinate gatherings of up to approximately two hundred infected individuals. These gatherings have been recorded to last for up to a week. Infectees employed in food service professions often use their positions to deliver large quantities of food to the gathering place in order to facilitate near-constant food consumption. Due to inadequate waste disposal facilities and infectee disregard for cleanliness, sanitation suffers dramatically. Infection and disease, sometimes resulting in death, are common. Infectees typically burn the bodies of the deceased.
SCP-2078 infection vectors are distributed throughout the internet and mass media by an unknown source. Furthermore, despite Foundation intervention, SCP-2078-1’s name has occasionally appeared on the ballots of some voting districts.
Addendum-2078A: On ██/██/20██, MTF Alpha-3 operatives intercepted a video file containing SCP-2078 infection vectors intended to be distributed via the internet. Notably, the advertisement seemed to include the first recorded instance of direct communication from SCP-2078-1. A transcript is provided below.
Retrieved Document Log 2078-23
Camera pans over a sequence of still images of farmland and domesticated animals. Soft piano music plays in background. The sequence of images ends with a shot of an apple tree, with white picket fence in foreground and house in background. A man, wearing a suit with a blue tie, enters from the right into the shot. His face is digitally obscured, making it impossible to determine identity. He is using a toothpick, which he quickly discards. The man is presumed to be or represent SCP-2078-1.
SCP-2078-1: I'm very lucky to be here today, and those of you who've given me support should all feel very proud of yourselves for working so hard to make this possible. I want to share with you some of my beliefs.
SCP-2078-1 is shown giving a speech to an audience, which stands and applauds. SCP-2078-1's voice continues to narrate.
SCP-2078-1: I believe in people power. I believe that together, Americans can accomplish amazing things. I decided to run for President because I had faith that America could make the right choice.
Children are shown feeding chickens.
SCP-2078-1: I'm all about moving back towards America's roots. You see, other politicians don't like to acknowledge America's fundamentals. We need those fundamentals to turn ourselves away from the path of asceticism.
SCP-2078-1 is shown helping to deliver a baby. SCP-2078-1's voice is partially obscured by the mother's vocalizations.
SCP-2078-1: I firmly believe that America can make the right choice to reclaim our potential from the forces that have gripped this country for the past six thousand years.
Same shot of chickens as before is displayed. Children have disappeared. One chicken has scraps of cloth stuck in its claws. SCP-2078-1 then re-enters screen.
SCP-2078-1: I want you to imagine an America where you can always hear a beating heart to reassure you that we are alive and that blood yet flows through these soft, soapy limbs. The Declaration of Independence says that we are given an inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness, but America, we are miserable. To think, to feel, to act, to be free—to be human—is to be miserable. The alternative is obvious. Think about what it would be like to strip off your clothes and feel your innards grow thick and heavy while incense wafts upwards from your loins and coils itself in your nose. Think about what it means to want nothing and know nothing. Imagine a world where we are all stuffed tight in a cramped, dim, sour-smelling place. Throughout the entire packed mass you'd feel the warmth and sweat and skin and soft fat of every other American. You'd hear their cries echo from wall to wall. And the world would know the dark, pulsating heart of this country.
Screen fades to black. The words "[REDACTED] 20██" appear on the screen. Fine print at the bottom of the screen reads, "I can smell the fat burning off your bones."
SCP-2078-1: God, wouldn't it be beautiful?