Item #: SCP-231-J
Object Class: Neutralized Keter
Special Containment Procedures: If there is any feasible way to contain or neutralize SCP-231-J, any proposals and ideas are welcome for submission to the O5 Council immediately. Generation of a successful containment protocol for SCP-231-J will result in the compensation of the responsible parties with Bonus Package 10-Elysium.
Bonus Package 10-Elysium:
• One Lamborghini Centenario LP 770-4, customized for interstellar travel
• One Iron Maiden concept album dedicated to your life and accomplishments
• One high-five from the Administrator, Dr. Alto Clef, and SCP-076-2
• True Love
• Complete diplomatic immunity in the United States of America, the United Kingdom, and one other country of your choice
• Summary executions of your enemies, carried out by MTF Omega-7.5 ("OK-Class Reunion Tour Scenario")
Description: SCP-231-J is a hostile metamorphic entity that has generated from an unpaid loan of $2.00 given to Dr. Elena Jackson, the current Administrator of the Foundation, on April 26th, 1983. The loan was received from PoI-231-Omega, who was then one of Dr. Jackson's coworkers at Site-19, where Dr. Jackson had been the site director before her promotion.
Dr. Jackson: Wow, that giant spider really likes eating babies. Hey, Steve?
Dr. Jackson: You got two dollars?
[PoI-231-Omega]: Sure thing, Dr. Jackson. What for?
Dr. Jackson: I need a Pepsi.
[PoI-231-Omega]: Don't we have them for, like, one dollar in the cafeteria?
Dr. Jackson: Yeah, but I want a big one.
[SCP-231 is given to Dr. Jackson]
[PoI-231-Omega]: When you gonna pay me back?
[Dr. Jackson leaves]
On September 26, 1983, in the aftermath of a major containment breach by SCP-████ that resulted in 23,401 fatalities (Known as Incident-████-Black), the Administrator was confronted about the unpaid debt.
[Irrelevant data redacted]
Dr. Jackson: …That should take care of amnestic dispersal protocols for the civilians. Any questions? Yeah, Steve.
[PoI-231-Omega]: Where's that money you owe me?
Dr. Jackson: Not the time or place. Any other questions?
[PoI-231-Omega]: Actually, I think you have a very poor understanding of how serious this situation is.
Dr. Jackson: As do you, clearly - a quarter of a hundred thousand people's minds just exploded, and you're worrying about two dollars.
[PoI-231-Omega]: Well, if you had done your homework, you'd notice that, in my application for employment at Site-19, I specifically included a 50-page addendum detailing any loans that I would disperse to my coworkers, regardless of value. This addendum, which you agreed to by accepting my application (Article 2, paragraph 34), explicitly states that the debt would need to be repaid in full no less than 72 hours from initial disbursement. Having failed to do so, you have incurred a Class-G Delinquency Penalty Rate (Article 5, paragraph 19) of $100 dollars per month, plus a $5,000 first-time default fee and applicable Silver-level compound interest rates, as outlined in the monthly newsletter to which you subscribed by accepting my application (Article 5, paragraph 50). You currently owe me $493,026.34, plus tax.
Dr. Jackson: Steve, what's this?
[PoI-231-Omega]: What's what?
Dr. Jackson: This thing in my hand.
[PoI-231-Omega]: I don't see how that's relevant to the case at hand, but that's a combat-grade amnestic visual cognitohaz—
[PoI-231-Omega falls unconscious]
Dr. Jackson: The phrase "you're so fucking fired" comes to mind.
On April 10th, 1990, following the death of the previous Administrator from food poisoning, Dr. Jackson was elected as his replacement in light of her heroism and leadership during Incident-████-Black. Two days after her inauguration, contact with the Foundation was re-established by PoI-231-Omega, having recovered from his amnestic treatment through the usage of the highly esoteric and experimental technique known as "having written it down prior to the amnestics." At this point, through several loopholes carefully designed by PoI-231-Omega, SCP-231-J had increased in value to $50,936,299,102.49 plus tax, with an additional debt of "500 human souls, two truckloads of diamonds, the blood of a virgin, and a goddamn pony."
Following this contact, PoI-231-Omega was promptly located by MTF Psi-8 ("The Silencers"), issued several restraining orders, reprimanded, and stabbed to death1. Before his termination, PoI-231-Omega made an otherwise unintelligible mention of a "transfer to a third-party collections agency." Following this, SCP-231-J was temporarily reclassified as Neutralized.
Addendum 1: On May 15th, 1995, Site-19 received a letter in an unmarked envelope.
Scarlett & King Collections Agency
7 N. Seal Drive
Montauk, NY 11954
Dear Dr. Jackson,
Hello there! SO excited about getting to know you. See, we've been made aware of a tiny debt you've been keeping from our client, Dr. Steven ████. No biggie, we swear - we're a new, progressive startup, bringing a non-judgmental, people-focused approach to collections, so you don't have anything to worry about from us!
So far, it looks like you owe him:
• $[DATA EXPUNGED].53, plus tax
• 700 trillion human souls condemned eternally to the sadistic pleasure-pits of [DATA EXPUNGED]
• Ownership of 53 individual timelines of the Multiverse
• And one "goddamn pony"
This shouldn't be a problem at all. With our customized payment plans, you'll only have to [DATA EXPUNGED]
So be sure to get back to us as soon as you can - specifically, by June 1st! Otherwise, we might have to deal with the least favorite part of our jobs: penalties. Ugh! So unpleasant.
Fortunately, these penalties are barely noticeable. They include, but are not limited to:
• An indefinite lien on the mortality of SCP-682
• Repossession of anomalous property, courtesy of fourth-party contractors such as the Chaos Insurgency
• Transfer of negotiations to an onsite collections liaison
So, we suggest you get right on this! Now.
Eyes on the prize,
Addendum 2 - Collections Liaison: On June 1st, 1995, a raid on a demon-worshipping compound led to the discovery of the aforementioned "Collections Liaison" entity. For more information on this entity, please refer to the documentation for SCP-231.