Item #: SCP-2426
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Foundation operatives are to monitor all luxury shopping malls and outlets in the Southern California area for instances of SCP-2426. A list of retail centers particularly noted for SCP-2426 manifestation is included in Document 2426-Alpha. Once an instance of SCP-2426 is located, Mobile Task Force Psi-7 ("Home Improvement") is to be deployed, cutting off public access to the anomaly. The entities within SCP-2426 are to be contained using an approved cover story until de-manifestation. Anomalous items inside SCP-2426 should be seized and sales records from SCP-2426 should be reviewed. Owners of items purchased from SCP-2426 will be detained, interviewed, administered amnestics, and released. Should an instance of SCP-2426 enter a hiring phase, an undercover Foundation agent is to be deployed to gain employment at SCP-2426.
Description: SCP-2426 is a luxury store selling shoes, handbags, wallets, mobile device accessories, and on one recorded occasion, home accessories. Merchandise is marked by logos and labels that do not belong to any known retail company and appears to be of high quality. Brands recorded to date include "Cicily of Cygnus", "Polygynwa Gbltaru", "Three Eyes over Luna", and "Eleanor of Gilese Five" (For a complete list of brands see Document 2426-Alpha). Products sold within SCP-2426 will often be made of unusual or exotic materials and frequently possess anomalous properties.
Description: A partial list of items either purchased within SCP-2426 by Foundation personnel in testing situation or items confiscated from civilians.
- One octagonal crossbody women's leather bag, bearing the brand name "Delia Decadent". Label claimed item was "100% cultured babyskin". Testing revealed that the bag was composed of the tanned skin of a human infant. DNA testing indicated a shared genome with several civilians. No link between identified citizens has been found.
- One black pair of open-toed kitten heels. Shoes absorb all visible and low frequency ultraviolet light. Heel sculpted from a dull metal. Testing revealed pure iridium.
- One men's belt bearing a label from "Three Eyes Over Luna". Belt is perfectly two-dimensional.
- One piece of jewelry that appears to be worn as a chin strap, emulating a false beard. Brand name "Fruits of Jupiter". Wearers report a cold sensation on face. Testing indicates the material is a hyper-pressurized mix of methane, hydrogen, and nitrogen gas that is similar but not identical to the composition of Jupiter.
- A nearly-transparent pair of men's oxfords. Almost invisible unless viewed from a 70 degree angle. Shoes weigh 0.02 grams, are virtually indestructible, and are composed of an previously unknown form of graphene.
- A pair of diamond earrings, 200 milligrams each, that occasionally vibrate. Earrings display quantum entanglement. When unobserved in their boxes, the studs are in a superposition of states. Observing either earring as vibrating or not vibrating instantaneously causes its partner to collapse into the same state, regardless of distance between the two boxes.1
There are seven known entities associated with SCP-2426. SCP-2426-1 is the designation given to the store manager, who claims its name is "Mr. John Smith". SCP-2426-2 through -6 designate the five regular, full-time employees of SCP-2426, answering to Michael Anderson, Jennifer Williams, Jessica Brown, Christopher Jones, and Amanda Miller, respectively. SCP-2426-2 and -5 stand about 1.7 meters tall and SCP-2426-3, -4, and -6 stand about 1.58 meters tall with a variety of skin tones and hair/eye coloring. Photographic analysis shows that SCP-2426-2 through -6 possess abnormally similar facial structures despite the appearance of different ethnic backgrounds. SCP-2426-2 through -6 have always been observed in a cheerful, yet professional mood and possess higher than average, though non-anomalous, persuasive abilities. SCP-2426-7 designates an entity only occasionally seen within SCP-2426, who claims to be a regional manager by the name of Jason Moore.
Event 2426-03: On █/██/██, when occupying a store at █████ █████ █████ shopping center, SCP-2426 displayed a "Now Hiring" sign in the window. Within one hour, an applicant, one █████ ██████████ of █████ ████, California, entered SCP-2426 and filled the position. █████ ██████████ continued to work at SCP-2426 until it de-manifested.
Interviewed: █████ ██████████
Interviewer: Dr. Kateri Anowara
Foreword: On █/██/██ at 7:00 AM, SCP-2426 de-manifested from its location. ██████████ was to open SCP-2426 at 8:00. ██████████ was detained and interviewed.
Dr. Anowara: Good morning, Mr. ██████████.
██████████: Uh, what do you guys want me for? I don't know nothing, man.
Dr. Anowara: We're interested in your former employers. It seems they left quite abruptly.
██████████: Man, I don't know about that shit. Y'all the Feds or something? They're tax evaders or something aren't they? Man, I knew it.
Dr. Anowara: Oh?
██████████: That place was weird, man. Weird as hell. Aw, shit, are you recording this? Am I allowed to cuss or…
Dr. Anowara: You may speak normally, but please stick to what you observed. Now. What circumstances led to your employment at this shop?
██████████: Well, my girlfriend was all, 'Get a job, baby, can't be with a man who don't have a job', and I was like, whatever. So I was, like, walking around the mall looking for places that were hiring and shit, 'cause the mall's all fancy and I'd make bank. And then I saw this store and I thought, sure, right?
Dr. Anowara: Did you feel any unusually strong urges to apply there?
██████████: Nah, man, didn't even care about the job, just needed the money, y'know?
Dr. Anowara: Right. Tell me about your co-workers.
██████████: Like I said, totally weird. It's like they were always high or something, I dunno.
Dr. Anowara: How many of them were there and what did they look like? What about their behavior was so unusual?
██████████: Uh, they all looked kinda alike, but not like anyone I'd ever seen, y'know? Like, Jennifer was black and I think Chris was Asian or something, but they still just kinda looked the same. Not like twins or anything, but just something about their faces, man.
Dr. Anowara: And you thought their behavior was unusual.
██████████: It was like sometimes they were on Adderall, y'know? All peppy and happy with customers, right? And that store was dead as shit, man. Like, hours with no one in there. So normal people would be all whatever, and slacking off, like at every other job I've ever had. Not these dudes. Always dusting and making themselves busy. But at the same time, it was like they were on downers or something. Like, normal people have better things to do at work than work, right? But it was like these guys didn't do anything else but sell. They didn't care about anything else. No girlfriends, no sports, no clubbing…nothing. Hell, I don't even think I ever saw them eat.
Dr. Anowara: Interesting. And your manager?
██████████: Aw, yeah, Mr. Smith was okay. Less of a freak than the others. Kind of a hardass, but not as much as most bosses. He seemed kind of jittery all the time, especially when his boss, Mr. Moore, was around. Moore was a big, beefy type of guy. Real hard-looking dude, didn't wanna mess with him.
Dr. Anowara: Did you notice anything unusual about the customers?
██████████: Mostly old rich farts. They liked to come in and bitch about how their shoes floated or their belt sliced through their pants or some senile bullshit like that. I didn't care but Mr. Smith would always flip shit. Soon, he started grilling me for fashion advice crap?
Dr. Anowara: Such as?
██████████: Like, 'what exoleathers are used in this era?', or 'is two dimensional fashion in vogue yet' or 'what kind of graphene do you guys use in apparel', weird stuff. Hell, I haven't even heard of half this stuff, but like I said I'm not a fashion guy.
Dr. Anowara: And you explained that to them?
██████████: Yeah, that was weird too. I didn't know shit about anything they were talking about but the second I'd tell them that Mr. Smith would flip at the others and tell them to get rid of everything he was asking about. I guess it worked too, because we'd been getting way less complaints.
Dr. Anowara: I see.
Closing Statement: ██████████ was administered mild amnestics and released. Ongoing Foundation surveillance has revealed nothing unusual about ██████████.
On DATE REDACTED, the following audio was picked up on hidden microphones within SCP-2426.
Voice 1: Hey, Big Man! Zap the new shoes. These primitives haven't invented nanofashion yet.
Voice 2: Fuckin' serious, Lup? I told you this was a stupid idea. 'Like selling glass beads to Indians', you said. 'Like hunting on the Martian reserves', you said. Maybe you should have paid attention I during your history implants, yeah?
Voice 1: Vac, man! If I'd paid attention to the history implants I wouldn't have to muck around in this precivilized hellhole would I? And I don't see you running the Space Cadets. Like it or not, Big Man, you're in no better sitch than me.
Voice 2: Don't feather your phonons, Lup. I'm sorry, okay? With those temp-local tax guys or whatever on our back and all. Hell, better them than Time Crimes but I…just…I really fuckin' miss home-when.
Voice 1: Y'know, my gene donor used to tell me you don't really register what you have until it's gone. I thought Ze was full of it, but…I'd kill for a Daedalus Beast Burger.
Voice 2: You can replay that, Lup. Wanna firestick? I've got a box here.
Voice 1: You're a Class Blue life-form, Big Man. Don't know how I'd get by without you.
Speech followed by heavy inhalation noises. Microphones malfunctioned soon after.