Item #: SCP-2600-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2600-J is to be held within a standard containment chamber, located within Site-77. Personnel assigned to work with SCP-2600-J are to be given standard identity protection methods, such as fake beards and wigs. Standard Foundation bike locks are issued to all bicycles located within Site-77 to prevent abductions.
Description: SCP-2600-J is a bicycle, manufactured by the Schwinn corporation in 1996. It is fully mobile, and will attempt to run down and abduct any personnel assigned to its containment, usually followed by an escape attempt. Other than this, SCP-2600-J displays no anomalous properties.
Occasionally, media appearing to demand SCP-2600-J's immediate release will be delivered to Site-77. These will usually be accompanied by portions of bicycles which have been removed very roughly, such as portions of the frames and torn-up chains. Media will usually consist of pieces of paper covered in menacing tire tracks, ransom notes composed of newspaper clippings signed by the "Bicycle Mafia," or videos depicting several fedora-clad bicycles spinning their wheels aggressively.
Personnel are advised not to let SCP-2600-J's cohorts intimidate them.
Addendum: Transcript of a video delivered to Site-77 on 8/8/2008.
<0:01> Video begins, and appears to be taking place in an abandoned bike shop/Italian restaurant. Two bicycles are present, one red and one orange each wearing a feathered fedora. On the table in between them is a small red tricycle.
<1:00> The red bicycle begins to spin its wheels rapidly, bouncing up and down in an aggressive manner.
<2:22> The orange bicycle begins imitating the red bicycle. This continues in intervals for 3 minutes.
<5:23> A hacksaw is produced.
<5:24> [DATA EXPUNGED]
The remains of the tricycle depicted in the video were delivered to Site-77 over the next 6 months. One piece at a time.
Addendum 2600-JA: The Site-77 bicycle rack was compromised, with over twenty bicycles being stolen. Only a single broken lock was found at the scene.
They got my Red Rocket! Those bastards! - Director Gillespie.
Addendum 2600-JAA: Research into possible connections with the Serpents Handle, Shkwin Cults, Motors n' Cars are Dumb Ltd., or Ford Pinto Dog Kennel Association is ongoing.