SCP-2653
rating: +23+x

Item #: SCP-2653

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-2653 are to be locked in Site-11's Anomalous Item Storage Locker. No personnel are to be allowed to consume any instance of SCP-2653.

All subjects who have consumed SCP-2653 in the proper manner are to be contained in Standard Humanoid Containment Cells at Site-11. No subjects are to be exposed to any media or information related to the following: The ongoing Syrian Civil War, Hungary, current Prime Minister of Hungary Viktor Orbán, the ongoing European migrant crisis, political refugees in general, and feet. All personnel interacting with subjects are to keep their feet covered at all times, and no writing implements of any kind are to be brought into these cells.

Description: SCP-2653 are 23 identical packs of exactly 6 Italian hot sausage links each, labeled as "Bashar al-Assad's Delicious Notorious Meat Product for Families!" Each individual sausage is of non-anomalous composition, and is identical to a normal Italian hot sausage link. Packaging on each pack is in a patois of Hungarian and English, and describes SCP-2653 as having been manufactured by the Hormel Foods Corporation. Each pack features testimonials on the product's "reliability" from al-Assad, as well as American comedian Bob Odenkirk, Indian composer and singer Bappi Lahiri, and French lawyer and politician Marine Le Pen.

If an instance of SCP-2653 is consumed inside of a standard Hot dog bun, the subject will experience multiple major psychological changes, including:

  • Identification with an extreme far-right political affiliation, regardless of previous preferences.
  • Obsession with Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán.
  • Compulsion to draw the shape of Hungary on any available flat surface.
  • Tendency to become unusually angry when discussing the conflict in Syria.
  • Belief that all refugees of the Syrian Civil War have a desire to destroy the sausage manufacturing industry in Europe.
  • Perception that all bare feet are cooked Italian sausages. Subjects will express a desire to slice off any bare feet seen and consume them, though they do not act on this desire.
  • Tendency to become withdrawn when discussing the feet of people of Middle Eastern descent.
  • Tendency to become extroverted when discussing the feet of Viktor Orbán.
  • Perception that all meat used in sausage manufacturing originates from Middle Eastern refugees.

SCP-2653 was recovered from the meat department at a Walmart near Plainview, Wisconsin. According to store employees, there is no record of SCP-2653 having been delivered to the store, and that seven packages of SCP-2653 had already been sold. Residents of Plainview who had consumed these packages of SCP-2653 constitute the subjects currently in containment, the majority of which had little or no knowledge of European politics prior to consumption of SCP-2653. Amnestics have been ineffective in suppressing the effects.

Addendum: Testimony from comedian Bob Odenkirk found on SCP-2653 packs. Odenkirk was interviewed and found to have no awareness of the existence of SCP-2653. Class-B amnestics were administered.

Finally, sausages I can really enjoy! These finom babies really allowed me to crank out those komédia sermons for the Netflix temple! Istenem! Istenem! We will stamp out the intolerant left. Those Syrian sertések cannot stop the march of the kielbasa. We want to reinstate Orbán to power. Watch my komédia sermons to know more about what you can do. Join the cause, a barátom! If you do, you get to eat these sausages all day!

Next: The News Tonight: Wednesday April 26th 2017

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