Item #: SCP-2670
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the remote location of SCP-2670, interaction with outside personnel is unlikely. Despite this, SCP-2670 is to remain guarded, and unauthorized personnel encountering SCP-2670 are to be administered a Class B amnestic and turned over to the local authorities.
Interaction with SCP-2670-1 is only to be done by Level 2/2670 researchers or above, and all interactions are to be logged and recorded. SCP-2670-1 and -2 have thus far shown no hostility towards human beings or Earth, however, in accordance with Foundation Protocol ET-1 caution is required when dealing with extraterrestrial lifeforms of any kind, regardless of intent.
Gift items delivered by SCP-2670-1 are to be contained within storage lockers at Site-56, with the security level dependent on the nature of the item in question.
Amended Containment Procedures: In light of recent information gathered about the nature of SCP-2670-1's homeland, utmost care is essential when divulging information regarding Earth and humankind. In accordance with Foundation Protocol Paramount Regal, Foundation anthropologists assigned to SCP-2670 have created a resource of information that is allowed to be given to SCP-2670-1 and -2, and any personnel interacting with these entities is to adhere heavily to the approved information. Failure to do so may result (and has previously resulted) in the torture and massacre of likely billions of sapient entities residing within SCP-2670. The details of Protocol Paramount Regal are detailed within Addendum 2670-D.
Description: SCP-2670 is a spatial anomaly existing above the ███ █████ █████ in ███ ███████, ██. SCP-2670 is roughly 5m in height and 2m in width, although SCP-2670 is subject to fluctuations in its proportions. The anomaly was first documented by American naturalist Josiah Sneddon in 1875. His original documentation of the anomaly can be found in Addendum 2670-A. It was upon initial investigation that Sneddon encountered SCP-2670-1, and began documenting information gathered from SCP-2670-1 about the Most Glorious Earth-Bound Sovereign Empire of Xandromius Prime. While SCP-2670-1 and SCP-2670-2 are capable of moving freely through SCP-2670, human beings are not able to do so. Drone-based reconnaissance of the interior of SCP-2670 has ascertained the validity of SCP-2670-1's claims.
SCP-2670-1 is a Class III Non-humanoid entity of indeterminate appearance. SCP-2670 goes by the name "His Most Humble Servant Ambassador of his Excellency the God-King Emperor of Magnificent Xandromius to the World of Our Most Glorious Lordships, Jeremiah Bartimeus Branderson of the House of Manyscot", and is an entity capably of altering its physical form at will, and will do so depending on a given social situation. SCP-2670-1 usually appears as a human male or female of varying ethnicity wearing currently fashionable human clothing. When shifting into its "relaxed state", SCP-2670-1 appears to be a levitating, nebulous cloud of liquid particulate matter capable of condensing into various shapes and items, as needed by SCP-2670-1. The limit to the complexity of this ability is currently unknown. SCP-2670-1 is additionally capable of creating minor spatial distortions, which it uses to view the extraterrestrial region it calls Xandromius.
SCP-2670-2 is a large, vaguely humanoid robotic entity. Referred to as "The Most Noble and Prestigious Kill-Gore Mastiff Bloodseeker Champion, Right Hand to the Emperor of Magnificent Xandromius", SCP-2670-2 is typically inactive when SCP-2670-1 is not present. SCP-2670-2 first appeared from within SCP-2670 in 1892, and has acted as a guard to SCP-2670 in the time since. SCP-2670-2 will respond to questioning, but only to make emphatic statements about the emperor of Xandromius Prime, Xandromius, the empire, itself, human beings, and Earth.
Through conversations with SCP-2670-1, it has been determined that both SCP-2670-1 and SCP-2670-2 originate from an extraterrestrial world (Xandromius) containing a structure referred to only as the "Spire", which allowed the inhabitants of that world to view other worlds over great distances in real time. At some point in Xandromius' past, the inhabitants discovered Earth1 and became particularly fond of its people and cultures, so much so that the entire civilization began to imitate human civilization on Earth in a number of ways.
Addendum 2670-A: Josiah Sneddon's Initial Observation
On my way to return to the camp set up by the foresters, I came upon a most strange sight. Hanging above the gulch was a shimmer in the air, like a great many dancing crystal. From out of the shimmer came a man, no different from you or I, who spoke in an English tongue and gave me many greetings and thanks. I didn't rightly know from where his appreciate came, but I took him into my camp and let him tell his tale.
The man, who calls himself Jeremiah, said that he comes from a far away place called Zan-dro-mus, a mysterious place where the very laws that govern nature are different and strange, in comparison to our own. I asked him to show me his world, and he said to me that were I to try and go there I would evaporate like water on a hot pan due to the inhospitable conditions. I was of course disappointed, being a man of natural curiosity, but Jeremiah was able to show me his world, through a mysterious looking glass he was able to conjure out of the thin air. I asked him how this was possible, and he explained it to me in no short detail, but I fear the explanation was lost upon me, a man of little mechanical background.
Above all else, Jeremiah was very interested to hear about the world in which we live, about the Earth and all of its wonders. Having traveled far and wide, I spoke to him what I knew, what I have seen, and he seemed satisfied. He said to me that he was an ambassador from his country, a country that had a profound fondness for the Earth and wished to know more about it, so they could better emulate our cultures and likenesses. It was a curious request, and not one I had expected from the stranger, but I promised what I could and told him I would return with others who know more about the world than I. This pleased him, and he departed back through his shimmering entrance into our world.
I do not know the intentions of this man, or if he speaks truly. I do, however, feel as if he is genuine in his requests, that he very much wants to learn about mankind and its many wonders. To what end, I cannot say.
Addendum 2670-B: Interview 05/14/1950
The following interview was conducted by Dr. Roger Godwell on 05/14/1946, when Dr. Godwell's team of researchers began to oversee care of SCP-2670. Information regarding SCP-2670 had been carefully controlled in the thirty years previous, after early Foundation assets gained access to SCP-2670 and began managing all interactions with SCP-2670-1 and -2. This interview was conducted to ascertain the true motives of SCP-2670-1 and -2, and to provide a better understanding about the nature of the entities and the world from which they originate.
Interviewer: Dr. R. Godwell
Interviewee: SCP-2670-1 and SCP-2670-2
Dr. Godwell: I'm glad you were able to meet me here, ambassador. It has been far too long since the last interaction between our peoples.
SCP-2670-1: Yes indeed, it most undoubtedly has been, your grace. Fortunately, we have not been lax in our preparations, and have taken the utmost care in properly altering ourselves to better fit your most fantastic people's current and previous state of affairs! Please, we can speak of this later; I do not wish to keep you from speaking your beautious words into my human auditory receptors. They have been fashioned specifically to that purpose, of course.
Dr. Godwell: Ambassador, when did your people first learn about the Earth, and the peoples on it?
SCP-2670-1: Ah, what a beautiful day that was! When we poor, disgusting Xandromians first peered at the falling light in the dark skies and saw god, your grace. The date was, my, long before my brief but wonderful time in this universe, yes. The date, please, Kill-Gore Mastiff, for his grace.
SCP-2670-2: The date was roughly three thousand, two hundred and fifty eight triumphant Earth-years previous to the current time, servant ambassador.
SCP-2670-1: Yes, that is true! Thank you, Kill-Gore Mastiff, for this gift of knowledge to the most gracious doctor. Before the day of the Arrival, your grace, we Xandromians were a lost and wallowing people, not fit to step out of the seas of brine that covered our filthy world in those days. But the Arrival signaled the beginning of our most marvelous ascendance, though, please, do not think I would imply that any ascendance our humiliating peoples could muster would in any way compare to the gloriousness of your most paramount dominance in the universe.
Dr. Godwell: I see. When you speak about the Arrival, what does that mean?
SCP-2670-1: The Arrival was the day that the wonder and glory of your world was displayed to us, when that most mysterious and beautiful Spire fell into the filth of our seas of excrement and, no, my apologies your graciousness, I do not mean to use such foul words upon your beautiful ears. I am ashamed, please, a million pardons and I beg your glorious forgiveness. Kill-Gore Mastiff, the punishment.
SCP-2670-2 proceeds to manifest a long, pointed instrument, which it then pushes quickly through the right temple of SCP-2670-1. This appears to cause SCP-2670-1 significant distress, although (likely due to the nature of SCP-2670-1's alien biology) does not cause the subject to expire.
SCP-2670-1: See, my lord, I have sullied this meeting, I cannot-
Dr. Godwell: No, ambassador, you are fine. For a meeting as such, one must expect unpleasantries to come about at some point. There will be no need for further punishments.
SCP-2670-1: Thank you, dearest and most honorific doctor. Please, Kill-Gore Mastiff, bestow upon the doctor the details of the Arrival, I must recompose myself.
SCP-2670-2: The day of the Arrival marks the beginning of the Xandromian calender, and the beginning of what the Xandromians consider their species. On the day of the Arrival, a cylindrical monolith composed primarily of silicon and carbon and of currently unknown origin crashed into the Xandromian Sea, resulting in significant changes to local biolo-
SCP-2670-1: No, no, not that, Kill-Gore Mastiff, do not sully the presence of his grace with such unnecessities. Speak less of the Spire, and more of the Awakening.
SCP-2670-2: The Awakening is an event that occurred shortly after the Arrival. The Spire allowed the native Xandromians to gaze upon distant worlds and create space-time links between them and the Spire. This, combined with the changes in local- excuse me, your grace, the magnificence of the Spire allowed the Xandromians to gaze upon Earth, and through information gathered by observing the societies and cultures of our greatest and most wondrous lords of creation, the Xandromians were able to become the dominant spec- excuse me. The Xandromians were able to better their society, in the image of the masters upon Earth.
Dr. Godwell: Alright, I think that is enough for today. We will revisit this shortly, when you are less traumatized, SCP-2670-1.
SCP-2670-1: Yes, my beautiful master, my sincerest thanks, my loving lord.
Addendum 2670-C: Information Regarding Xandromian Society
Interviewer: Dr. R. Godwell
Dr. Godwell: SCP-2670-1, you have something you wanted to show me?
SCP-2670-1: Yes, glorious champion lord. Behold, through this god-given looking hole, and gaze upon our testament to your society's most magnificent industry.
SCP-2670-1 creates a spatial anomaly, roughly the width of the interviewing chamber wall, through which is visible a scene of a large, alien forest. The viewpoint pans left, where an extremely massive factory is seen, surrounded by many miles of blackened earth. Enormous sawmills have been created across the span of ruined forest, all of which pump out black smoke. Additional machines are seen culling through the treeline, removing the various plant-life with efficiency. Occasionally, large creatures (believed to be some kind of native animal) will get pulled into the machines, flaying them. The remains of these creatures move slowly about for a short time, before collapsing and being collected by additional machines. Further inspection of the factory shows a number of neon signs adorning the front and up the length of the smoke towers, all of which appear to be signs and advertisements for various American and European products.
Dr. Godwell: How long has this been going on?
SCP-2670-1: Since your glorious industrial revolution, when you extended the sweet hand of mercy and lifted our people into the realm of godhood and led us into knowledge and power. But there is more, see! We have been documenting your great global struggle, and in the name of your majesty we have created this for you!
The scene changes, and what appears to be the remains of a large city is shown, presumed to be Xandromian in origin. Dark blue flames encompass much of the cityscape, which appears to be undergoing bombardment by a unseen force. Long lines of blue, vaguely humanoid entities are seen being marched out of the city by humans on horseback, all carrying what appear to be long, modified rifles. With a movement of SCP-2670-1's hand, the scene pulls back, and many thousands of wooden crosses are now seen situated in fields, upon which are many thousands of the blue entities, crucified. Human beings moving through the lines of crosses occasionally toss what appear to be grenades that release a dense, red smoke, melting the flesh tissue off of the blue entities.
Dr. Godwell: I, uh- this is-
SCP-2670-1: Is it not glorious, your grace? This we prepared for you, after watching your long presentation for us, and I do believe we have captured the mood perfectly! See here, where the humble Xandromians use the gases upon these innocent Heshins, yes? Much like the gases of your magnificent Germany, and very effective! See here, the crosses? Look at how they bleed on them! We spent such a great time studying the religious texts of your world, and now we display for you the greatest event in the history of your Christianity, many times over! See how thorough we have been? Look at the suffering, is it not magnificent? Everything in honor of you, our most wonderful, loving fathers!
Dr. Godwell: I think I have seen eno-
SCP-2670-1: And see here, this great finale of this presentation! Look, like the wondrous and powerful Enola Gay, we too have crafted the cleansing fires. See now the devastation!
A loud buzzing is heard, and the scene pans to see approximately 75 flying machines, styled after American bombers, moving slowly towards the large city in the distance. As they approach, they each begin to release a stream of large, dark objects from their interior. As the objects come in contact with the ground, they explode. Post interview analysis of the footage has concluded that it is likely these bombs, nuclear in design, all exceeded 30mt. In the wake of the explosions, a massive crater is all that remains of the city.
Addendum 2670-D: Foundation Protocol Paramount Regal
NOTICE: Information pertaining to Protocol Paramount Regal is restricted to individuals with Level 2670/3 clearance. 2670/3 Authorization codes required to access this document.