Item #: SCP-2779
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2779 is to be kept with other low-level anomalous objects in the Site-33 pens. SCP-2779 is to be fed and cared for as designated by the pen handler. To withdraw SCP-2779 for testing, please contact the farm supervisor and fill out Form-33-147-R. Unless necessary for testing, no more than one test is to be performed on SCP-2779 per day.
Description: SCP-2779 is a teacup piglet approximately 15 centimetres in length. In the 3 years it has been in Foundation custody, SCP-2779 has not shown any signs of maturation. SCP-2779 is capable of interfacing with and becoming devices running x64 Windows Vista Home Basic and Home Premium. The method by which it achieves this is not yet understood.
SCP-2779 was found in the Paris home of Claudia Dubois following the death of her son, Renard Dubois, on 3/12/2017. Renard was presumed to have died overnight due to complications arising from multiple sclerosis, but at the request of Ms Dubois, SCP-2779 was collected and examined by local law enforcement. Investigation led to a discovery of SCP-2779's anomalous nature, at which point embedded agents within the police force contacted the Foundation. Foundation agents extracted SCP-2779 from Préfecture de police de Paris on 4/12/2017 and distributed amnestic agents as needed.
TEST LOG 33-2779-5, 5/1/2018
14.33: SCP-2779 is introduced to Testing Room C with a powered-down desktop PC running x64 Windows Vista Home Basic. After approximately five minutes of exploring the room, SCP-2779 settles in the corner opposite the desktop and appears to fall asleep.
14.40: The desktop PC is remotely powered on. SCP-2779 perks up at the sound of the fan and begins to investigate the noise. SCP-2779 sniffs at the rear fans of the PC tower. SCP-2779 presses its snout against the rear of the tower and begins to snort loudly. After 33 seconds, SCP-2779 begins to notably glow and abstract, becoming harder to view. SCP-2779 is still described by all viewers as " a tiny pig" despite camera footage showing only a light pink glow surrounding the PC tower.
14.42: Light fades and the tower has notably changed in form and structure. Tower is now rounder, with four legs keeping it upright. Disc tray and USB slots are replaced with a large mouth below a snout. Monitor shows computer is still functioning as normal. A notification on screen shows an unknown device has been connected and is requesting the installation of device drivers.
14.45: Researcher Sal Giunta and Zoologist Brendan Parks enter test chamber. Dr. Giunta begins the installation of device drivers, while Mx. Parks inspects the tower and feeds it milk and chopped green peppers. After approximately three minutes, a notification appears on screen indicating a source of device drivers has not been found.
14.49: Dr. Giunta is granted permission to attempt to access the contents of SCP-2779's internal storage via the normal Windows Vista interface. Only a single disk drive can be seen, containing the following files:
14.51: Dr. Giunta opens README.txt (see attached document for details). Dr. Giunta attempts to open 'higher-being.oinc'. After thirty seconds, the computer crashes.. Fan continues to whir, and squeals of distress can be heard from within the tower. Tower attempts to flee the test chamber but is restrained by the cabling attaching it to the monitor, keyboard and mouse.
14.52: Mx. Parks requests the lights in the chamber be dimmed, then withdraws a blanket from their backpack and wraps it around the struggling computer tower. Mx. Parks withdraws an mp3 player from within their blouse pocket and begins to play calming music. Computer tower begins to calm down and accept apple slices from Mx. Parks. After approximately five minutes, computer tower beings to glow and resolve back into a non-anomalous computer tower and SCP-2779. Mx. Parks wraps SCP-2779 in its blanket and carries it out of the testing chamber.
Notes: Further tests have shown that all files with the .oinc extension will crash a computer when opened. DARE.mp0 will play when treated as an mp3 or mp4, playing the song DARE by the pop group Gorillaz. Audio is consistent with that in the YouTube video 'Gorillaz - DARE(Official Video)', suggesting the audio may have been ripped.
Document SCP-2779-1 is a plain text file, present within SCP-2779's internal storage as 'README.txt'.
Putting this in a format your puny x64 crap will be able to parse 😜. "Better games" is not worth the hassle of physical tech, man. I hope you appreciate the effort I had to put into making Oinkers accept this, because when you're over here I'm getting you an x0 machine to work with.
Anyway, yeah, how-to. Feed Oinkers that sigil I gave you (make sure it's fully charged first) and wait for it to compile her. Shouldn't take more than a couple seconds. Controls are your basic wasd and rf for up/down. Once you've got the hang of it you should be able to just think your way around, though. I tried to make this as simple as I could. I'd say to ask your mom for help with setting it up, but I know you wanna keep all this magic shit a secret from her. Just tell her you love her or something, yeah? No going back once you boot this up.
I included a basic protection ring in the sigil, so people shouldn't bother you once you're in - I promise I'm not babying you, I've seen some bad shit happen to unprotected first-timers. Eldritch horrors and w/e. I'll talk you through dismantling it once we've met up. I set up a basic sympathetic link last time I was over, so I'll know when you've connected.
You're gonna enjoy the astral plane, man!! I know you've been waiting a while for this. I'm really looking forward to seeing you. Fuck, this is going to be sick.
Love you lots,
PS: and lots and lots and lots. Fuck the no-romance policy.
Interview with Claudia Dubois indicates she has no idea who 'Felix' is or what their relationship may have been to her son. Investigation is underway, at low priority.