SCP-3163
rating: +46+x

Item #: SCP-3163

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3163 is to be kept in a secure Site-19 storage locker. On the first of every month, the full text of SCP-3163 is to be recorded and correlated with current astronomical and meteorological data, as observed from central Pennsylvania. SCP-3163 is to be monitored on a daily basis for unexpected edits or updates, and any such deviations are to be appended to its monthly record.

Description: SCP-3163 is a hardbound book, entitled "GLATTFELDER’S NEW NORTHTON ALMANACK." SCP-3163 displays significant signs of wear and use, the most prominent of which are overlapping stains on the rear cover, identified as coffee, beer, and blood. While the anomalous nature of SCP-3163 precludes precise dating of its year of publication, chemical and historical analyses of the book indicate that SCP-3163 was manufactured in late-nineteenth or early-twentieth century America.

The interior and cover texts of SCP-3163 are mutable, though they consistently maintain the semantic structure of a farmer’s almanac. The interior text updates itself on the first day of the month, and while the title text itself never changes, the year indicated by the subheading increments by one every January 1st. As of 01/01/2017, the subheading reads "TRUE AND USEFUL PREDICTIONS FOR THE YEAR OF OUR LORDE’S ASCENSION, TWO-HUNDRED AND NINETY-FOUR."

The first page of SCP-3163 takes the form of a short message, addressed to "My Dearest Acolytes and Friends" and signed by "Henry Ian Glattfelder." There are no records of a Henry Ian Glattfelder residing in the United States of America, living or deceased. The text of the message, reproduced in full in Research Log 3163-A, has remained constant through each update. The text of the message was observed to change into its current configuration on 09/01/2017. Research Log 3163-A has been updated to reflect this anomaly.

There are no records of a town or county named New Northton in the United States of America, though astronomical and meteorological predictions within SCP-3163 indicate that New Northton should be located in central Pennsylvania. However, while the timing of real-world eclipses, planetary transits, and lunar cycles are consistent with the text of SCP-3163, the item contains additional references to "Nix, the Void-Star of Our Lorde." According to SCP-3163, Nix should occupy a solar orbit between Saturn and Uranus. No such object has been detected by historical or modern astronomical surveys.

Though the monthly horoscopes given by SCP-3163 usually offer the mundane platitudes and suggestions typical of the genre, some unusual entries have been noted. A sample of such entries is listed below, in Research Log 3163-B.

As of 09/25/2017, Foundation astronomers and meteorologists have pinpointed the hypothetical location of New Northton to within a 3000 square kilometer area. Mobile Task Force █ is prepped to explore this area and, if possible, infiltrate New Northton in late October, 2017.

Following loss of contact with Mobile Task Force █, Mobile Task Force ███ is to be deployed for reconnaissance and armed intervention to the coordinates provided by Mobile Task Force █ prior to their disappearance.

Following loss of contact with Mobile Task Force ███, the O5 Council initiated Protocol Tipsy Eagle. The United States Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives has been alerted through back-channels to the presence of large weapon stockpiles in the suspected area of New Northton, and Mobile Task Force ██ will be deployed for non-combat cleanup operations following Federal intervention.

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