SCP-3361
rating: +75+x
classycarlos.jpg

SCP-3361.

Item #: SCP-3361

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Sightings of SCP-3361 are to be intercepted by the nearest Foundation Agents, who are to interview those who have interacted with the entity and administer Class B amnestics as deemed necessary. Followup teams are to be sent under a cover up story of public health investigation in order to increase the overall cleanliness of the area and prevent manifestations of SCP-3361 temporarily. Research into means of more permanent containment is ongoing.

Description: SCP-3361 refers to a sapient image drawn in black ink of a stylized young human male that appears in bathrooms. SCP-3361 is bound to travelling along 2D surfaces but is capable of altering its shape, communicating verbally and perceiving its surroundings normally. SCP-3361 has not been observed entering nor leaving any bathrooms, but it can be found in multiple locations simultaneously. SCP-3361 appears to maintain a single consciousness across its manifestations and seems to be aware of each separate area it is located in. SCP-3361 seems to favor manifesting inside bathrooms with only one occupant, but has been known to speak with groups as well. The entity displays a mostly friendly personality and a fondness for extended and intimate conversation, though it does not seem to understand or care about the privacy required within bathrooms. Should SCP-3361 be ignored or verbally attacked, it will usually demanifest, but may manifest again at any given time. The only effective method of protecting a location from SCP-3361 is to keep it free from graffiti and similar markings, which has proven successful in 83% of cases.

SCP-3361's primary anomaly consists of being able to acquire large quantities of accurate information from human subjects through short periods of conversation. Such information is not always directly related to what is being discussed, and may consist of facts about the subject that they are not aware of themselves. SCP-3361 will often use such information to form a psychological profile of a given subject and attempt to offer them therapy and advice on various subjects. SCP-3361 refuses to reveal private information about people who have confided in it. However, the entity has been known to use the psychological profiles it forms to persuade others into behaving in ways it deems more appropriate. What this means varies between individuals, but follows a pattern of instilling a deep sense of inadequacy, paranoia and disillusionment. No mind-affecting anomaly has been identified in those who have interacted with SCP-3361.

Addendum: Interview Log

Interviewed: SCP-3361

Interviewer: Agent ███

Foreword: This interview takes place upon initial discovery of SCP-3361 by Agent ███. The initial phrases before the actual recording are transcribed according to Agent ███'s reports.

<Begin Log>

SCP-3361: Hello, my esteemed gentleman. I trust you are in good health?

Agent ███: What the fuck?

SCP-3361: Hey now, I'm not that scary. At least, I hope you should notice that. You seem to me like a person with an iron will and good taste.

Agent ███: …I'm taking a shit, you goddamn creep.

SCP-3361: Being ashamed of your bodily functions is a step away from being ashamed of yourself.

Agent ███: No it's not. Where did you get that? Actually, hold on. I need to record this.

SCP-3361: Suit yourself. Say, did you go to [REDACTED] University?

Agent ███: How do you even know that?

SCP-3361: It's written all over your face. Just like the fact you dropped out of it. Shame, really. You always did have more potential than you believed.

Agent ███: Don't patronize me. I know my life better than you.

SCP-3361: If you say so, my friend. Oh, how rude of me! My name is Classy Carlos. It is an incomparable pleasure to meet you, ███.

Agent ███: Is that some sort of nickname? Who calls you that? And how do you know my name?

SCP-3361: My friends and patients call me that! And your name was just floating around, you know.

Agent ███: …I see. Do you interact with other people outside of this bathroom?

SCP-3361: Yes. I've accumulated quite the list over the years. Lots of stories to tell, too! But no details, of course. I've got a code of ethics to uphold.

Agent ███: What sort of conversations do you usually have with people?

SCP-3361: Long and productive ones! Yes sir, people are like open books to me, it's just a matter of time. Why don't you tell me more about yourself?

Agent ███: That's not how this wo— oh, nevermind. Will you cooperate with my questions if I answer yours?

SCP-3361: On my honor!

Agent ███: Alright. I guess I'm kind of an introvert?

SCP-3361: I figured as much. What's the earliest memory you can recall?

Agent ███: Ummm…climbing an apple tree on my own, I think. Or trying to. Got hurt pretty badly, my parents were very worried.

SCP-3361: Interesting, interesting! First time you fell in love?

Agent ███: …This is getting a little personal, and I'm not getting as much information from you as I should.

SCP-3361: Ah, what is the matter? Does exposing yourself make you feel uncomfortable? Do you have difficulty trusting others?

Agent ███: I'm fine, thank you very much. Now it's my turn to ask a question. How do you keep finding out all of this about me?

SCP-3361: It all comes to me naturally. I just don't understand how others don't notice the things I do, they're so clear to me. Like the fact you first fell in love when Sally taught you how to be more open. I have a feeling you rejected her advice out of spite when you two broke up. That must have contributed a lot your current psychological state. My heart goes out to you.

Agent ███: Are you trying to give me therapy? If so, it's not working. At all.

SCP-3361: Apologies, I should have considered my words more carefully.

Agent ███: Yes, you're a little invasive, don't you think?

SCP-3361: It's all for people's betterment. It can take more than one try, certainly, but sometimes you get such happy coincidences. Why, I spoke to Sally last month!

Agent ███: Wait, what? What did she tell you? What did you tell her?

SCP-3361: Code of ethics, my friend. No details allowed.

Agent ███: (Sighing) Alright. So, you can find out arbitrary amounts of information about me apparently at will, but you can't actually use any of that to help me. Why don't you do me a favor and let me conclude the interview?

SCP-3361: Well, if you insist. But before you do that, consider the following: perhaps the reason you still want to know about what she is up to after all these years is because you can't seem to value yourself as a person and need external validation to feel any joy? Has it occurred to you that the longer you spend thinking about that, the smaller you will become? You will get tiny, tiny, until you will disappear from everyone's sight, and wouldn't that be just a tragedy! But you won't be the bigger man, because you are completely tangled in the chains of your self-pity!

Agent ███: Are you fucking with me right now?

SCP-3361: Heavens, no. I'm testing for life signs.

Agent ███: (Speaking in an angry whisper) Listen, and listen closely. I don't care about your good intentions. Leave my secrets for me to deal with, got it? I can take care of myself.

SCP-3361: Oh, yes. But can you take care of others to get that approval you so desperately want? I'm certain that your son must be very grateful that his daddy is out there fighting the monsters every day that he can never know about, instead of watching him play, learn and grow up. It seems to me you have somewhat skewed priorities.

Agent ███: (Shouting) What do you want me to do? To say that I'm a callous shut-in? That I have trust issues? That I'm a negligent father? If all that's true, then feel free to call me a horrible person!

SCP-3361: None of that. I want you to prove me wrong.

(SCP-3361 demanifests.)

<End Log>

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