The following experiment logs are all translated from Japanese. All times listed are in Japanese Standard Time (JST) unless otherwise noted.
Test 01—10/12/99, 14:23
Player: Researcher Toriyama
Input:"OK Painter, Special Beam Cannon!"
Results: The Painter gains a green complexion and replaces its customized outfit with a white cape with shoulder guards and a white turban. The Painter touches a hand to its forehead, then expels a bright energy beam bounded by rings of light into the distance. A small explosion is observed in the far left corner of the background.
Notes: On October 12, 1999 at 14:56, an abrupt ██████% increase in nuclear radiation levels was detected for 13.39 seconds within a 10 cm2wide area of space across a strawberry field outside of ████████, a town in Ibaraki Prefecture. Two hundred and twenty-three (223) strawberry plants were obliterated by the radiation blast; no animals or human beings were harmed.
Test 02—01/25/00, 12:00
Player: Researcher Fujiwara
Input: "OK Painter, You are already dead."
Results: A tall, muscular man wearing a blue vest and jeans with white shoulder pads punches through the wall in front of the Painter. He presses his thumbs into the sides of the Painter's head and speaks: "I just pressed your hidden pressure point. Your life ends seven seconds from now. Use this time to reflect on your sins." The Painter runs around the rooftop for approximately 7 seconds before suddenly clutching its head and collapsing. The screen turns red as a loud, high-pitched warbling tone plays, followed by the sound of an explosion and splattering noises. The word "ひでぶっ!!" is displayed on the screen.
Notes: On January 25, 2000 at 12:33, Japanese news station ███'s breaking news segment covered the murder in broad daylight of ██████ Kazuma, a Yakuza member involved in a series of murders and human trafficking operations across Japan's Kantō region. Kazuma was apprehended and assaulted in the Harajuku district of Shibuya, Tokyo by a man "cosplaying" as the character Kenshiro from the Fist of the North Star manga and anime series. Video footage showed Kazuma's assailant saying "I just pressed your hidden pressure point. Your life ends seven seconds from now. Use this time to reflect on your sins." This was immediately followed by [DATA EXPUNGED]. Kazuma's official cause of death was listed as severe head trauma and internal hemorrhage.
Test 03— 06/20/00, 19:42
Player: Researcher Takeuchi
Input: "OK Painter, You're gonna need a bigger boat."
Results: Perspective shifts to reveal a large rooftop swimming pool with a small fishing boat at one end. The Painter boards the boat and steers it in brief laps around the pool. Five seconds in, a shark fin appears above the water; three seconds later, a specimen of Carcharodon carcharias (great white shark) emerges and violently consumes the rear half of the boat, causing it to begin sinking. The Painter jumps overboard and swims to safety while the shark consumes the rest of the boat.
Notes: On June 20th, 2000 at 06:15 EST, an illegal shark hunting vessel called the Orca █ miles off the coast of Martha's Vineyard was attacked by a male Carcharodon carcharias, compromising the rear portion of the hull and causing the vessel to sink. The three crew members of the Orca were rescued by Coast Guard vessels patrolling the area, and were apprehended by law enforcement when they arrived on land.
Comment: This is the first time something happened outside of Japan. Perhaps it was because Jaws is an American film? If so, then the locations of anomalous events may depend on the origin of the work referenced by the phrase. We must definitely look into this further. -Dr. Yamamoto
Test 04— 07/16/01, 23:03
Player: Researcher Amano
Input: "OK Painter, That is one big pile of shit."
Result: An orange Triceratops appears on the rooftop where it feeds on several potted plants. After finishing its meal, the Triceratops defecates loudly, covering the center of the rooftop. It walks back down the access hatch as the Painter pinches its nose.
Notes: On July 16, 2001, at 06:36 PST, a complete fossil of Triceratops prorsus was discovered next to a pile of coprolite weighing approximately 1814.369 kilograms in the backyard of film director Steven Spielberg's mansion in Los Angeles, California.
Comment: Well, this certainly seems to confirm my suspicions. I must admit I am interested in running a few more tests just to see how what kinds of weird things happen. Let's just try not to cause any international crises! -Dr. Yamamoto
Test 05— 07/19/01, 03:00
Player: Researcher Sakamoto
Input: "OK Painter, The last Metroid is in captivity. The galaxy is at peace."
Result: The Painter morphs into a tall humanoid figure wearing an orange space suit with a green arm cannon. The figure kneels in front of a green jellyfish-like organism in a glass container and a draconic figure appears, seizing the container and attacking the Painter. The Painter fires several missiles at it before it flies away.
Notes: On July 19, 2001, at 03:33, an unidentified orange spaceship was seen approaching the International Space Station. Surveillance cameras onboard recorded [DATA EXPUNGED] resulting in the deaths of all scientists on board. The orange-suited individual was unable to be apprehended, but escaped in the same spaceship from which they arrived. At 03:36, the entire space station exploded. Two unidentified life forms were also seen escaping the explosion.
Comment: Is it just me or did the person in the orange space suit look like a woman? -Researcher Sakamoto
Comment: Goddamnit. -Dr. Yamamoto