SCP-3871
rating: +75+x

Item #: SCP-3871

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3871 is to be kept in a secure containment locker in Site-77's Safe SCP wing. When SCP-3871 is being interacted with, all personnel in the area must ensure that no objects considered "anomalous" by SCP-3871 are being worn or carried in the open unless it is necessary for testing purposes. As SCP-3871's definition of "anomalous" is exceptionally vague, personnel are advised to display as few non-essential objects as possible in its presence.

Description: SCP-3871 is a sapient, 0.4 meter-tall steel replica of a Global Occult Coalition Mk. III Ultra-Heavy Engagement Chassis, commonly referred to as an "Orange Suit". SCP-3871 is colored primarily in blue and lime green, save for the suit's "pilot", a small human figurine, which is entirely pink. SCP-3871 has the words "Dr. Wondertainment's Allegorical Anomaly-Annihilating Assault Automaton!" printed in black text upon its back, with a small golden "W" just above.

SCP-3871 possesses numerous features that are similar in function to certain units of the Mk. III UHEC, though significantly scaled down and altered to be less hazardous. The changes include:

  • A replica of a M2 Browning heavy machine gun installed on the right arm that fires small plastic pellets using compressed carbon dioxide.
  • Two missile batteries installed in the shoulders that fire 16 roman candle fireworks.
  • 20 small firecrackers installed across SCP-3871's surface.
  • An audio-visual cognitohazard generator that emits sounds and holographic imagery that, when perceived, causes the viewer to express desire to purchase products from Dr. Wondertainment.

SCP-3871 is normally inactive unless it comes into contact with any object it deems "anomalous", which causes it to immediately enter a rage and attempt to destroy the object. Should SCP-3871 be unsuccessful in destroying the object, a voice will play from its speaker requesting for reinforcements. At this time, no external phenomena have been documented after these vocalizations. SCP-3871's "voice" is of an exceptionally high, childlike pitch.

SCP-3871's definition of "anomalous" does not only apply to actually anomalous objects as the Foundation knows them, as any object or phenomena that it perceives as being unnatural, even when perfectly in line with all known laws, will cause it to enter this rage state as well. For more information, please see Addendum-3871-1.


Addendum-3871-1: Testing Logs
Several non-important Anomalous Objects deemed disposable were approved for use in testing with SCP-3871 with the knowledge that they risked destruction.


Addendum-3871-2: Retrieval Log

SCP-3871 was intercepted in postal transit after being sent from a location suspected to be operated by the Group of Interest "Dr. Wondertainment". Inside of SCP-3871's original box was SCP-3871 itself and a handwritten note, whose contents are archived below.

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