SCP-4201
rating: +25+x

Item #: SCP-4201

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: The town of Agloe, New York, and the surrounding 15km must be completely evacuated of all life and kept empty except for Foundation research bases. Any Foundation bases set up within a 15km radius of SCP-4201 must be built to withstand a nuclear detonation of at least 20kt. Contact with PoI-4201-A or PoI-4201-B is not allowed under any circumstances unless necessary to the survival of humanity.

Any unauthorized persons attempting to enter within 15km of SCP-4201 must be detained and amnesticised.

Any new weapon or tactic detected in SCP-4201 is to be logged and studied. Replication of and use of SCP-4201's weaponry is under consideration by the O5 council.

Should SCP-4201 escalate to a level beyond Foundation control, all Foundation bases within a 20km radius of SCP-4201 are to be evacuated and action 47-Gamma-19H is to be enacted. Any potential Foundation allies such as the GOC or UIU are to be contacted and a temporary alliance is to be requested with the goal of neutralizing SCP-4201.

Description: SCP-4201 is the designation given to the conflict between 2 pizza parlors based in the municipality of Agloe, New York. Through unknown means, SCP-4201 has escalated to extreme scale. SCP-4201 is fought with armies of anomalous composition that follow a pizza theme.

SCP-4201 is fought by 2 pizzerias: Mario's Pizza de Delizioso and Agloe Hot Slice, the military forces of which are designated SCP-4201-1 and SCP-4201-2 respectively. Both restaurants utilize different weaponry and tactics that appear to be based on the theme of the actual restaurants.

SCP-4201-1's military force is primarily composed of homunculi made of pizza ingredients such as dough, cheese, and toppings, which comprise the main infantry and cavalry of SCP-4201-1. The combat doctrine of SCP-4201-1 is similar to the military from the Napoleonic war era, with foot soldiers armed with bayoneted rifles supported by cavalry and artillery. SCP-4201-1 is led by Mario Bianchi, the proprietor of Mario's Pizza de Delizioso1. PoI-4201-A has animated the forces of SCP-4201-1 using unknown anomalous means. Military efforts of SCP-4201-1 are typically led by PoI-4201-A, who rides into battle on an equine construct and uses anomalous pizza-based abilities to support forces in combat.

SCP-4201-2 uses much more modern techniques of battle such as planes and more advanced firearms. SCP-4201-2's army and artillery are mainly comprised of drones and robots, all of which are themed around tools and appliances found in a pizzeria, such as pizza cutters and ovens. The owner of SCP-4201-2, Kevin Kelderburt,2 also acts as a general for his respective side. PoI-4201-B fights using a large mechanical suit of armor modeled after his own appearance and has several pizza-themed weapons affixed to it.

It is currently unknown how SCP-4201 was started or how SCP-4201-1 and SCP-4201-2 were able to obtain the resources necessary for a conflict of this scale. For further information on this topic, please see document-4201-17-A.

Addendum-1: Document-4201-17-A. The following is documentation recovered from SCP-4201 pertaining to its creation and existence.

Addendum-2: On March 23, 2017, Foundation radios picked up what appeared to be a conversation between PoI-4201-A and PoI-4201-B. The following is a transcription of the conversation.

<Begin Log>

PoI-4201-B: [Unintelligible] -ghting this pointless war for nearly twenty years now and you still refuse to surrender? What's the point of even continuing?

PoI-4201-A: Do you even understand what you're saying? I'm Mario Bianchi, everyone loves my pizza! I can't let you win and take all my custo-

PoI-4201-B: All of your customers are dead! Everyone is fucking dead! We're fighting for NOTHING.

PoI-4201-A: Oh, you would say that! I know you hypnotized all my customers into eating at your terrible restaurant! I'm not stupid enough to fall for that!

PoI-4201-B: YOU'RE calling ME out for shady business practices? You've murdered every single one of your competitors with your black magic bullshit!

PoI-4201-A: I need to stay on top so everyone can enjoy a nice Mario's sl-

PoI-4201-B: EVERYONE IS DEAD, YOU SENILE IDIOT! WE'VE ANNIHILATED THE SURROUNDING TEN MILES OF LAND, AND YOU'RE STILL OBSESSING OVER YOUR PIZZA PLACE? YOU ABSOLUTE SCUMBAG!

PoI-4201-A: You think you're so entitled to the moral high ground? You brainwashed every single person in Agloe to eat at your restaurant and make your metal abominations! You hypnotized my WIFE! There's no way in hell I'm letting you live!

PoI-4201-B: I'M GOING TO FUCKING SHOVE MY ARM SO FAR UP YOUR RECTUM THAT YOU'LL LEGALLY BECOME A SOCK PUPPET!

PoI-4201-A: You know a lot about creating puppets, huh? I'm sure your own parents are busy making some new kind of robot dinosaur or something.

PoI-4201-B: I- you- that- SHUT UP!

PoI-4201-A: Oh, big boy Kevin can dish out all his threats and crap, but he gets all angry when he takes it? You sniveling coward, trying to steal MY town? 'Oh, Mr. Bianchi is such an inspiration to me! Ehh, I want to work with him!' You've never stepped foot in my pizzeria. You don't care about the people, the pride, the art of making cuisine! You're a corporate shill, trying to take out the local's favorite so you can be on top, and get rid of all the pizza in the world?

PoI-4201-B: YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING YOU DIRTY GUIDO!

PoI-4201-A: What did you just call me? I'LL CHOKE YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR OWN URETHRA, YOU DISGUSTING HUSK OF A MAN!

PoI-4201-B: I DARE YA TO DO IT, GRAMPS! YOU AIN'T BALLSY ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING!

*Both PoI-4201-1 and PoI-4201-2 continue to scream at one another for approximately five hours.*

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Following this interaction, both SCP-4201-1 and SCP-4201-2 have used far more aggressive and destructive tactics in battle. This change in behavior has not affected the stalemate between SCP-4201-1 and SCP-4201-2.

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