Item #: SCP-4237-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: When not being interacted with, SCP-4237-J is to be kept in Storage Compartment #5433. While interaction experiments with SCP-4237-J have resulted in few life-threatening incidents, all experiments involving SCP-4237-J must be done in a high-level Containment Unit.
Description: SCP-4237-J is a truncated icosidodecahedron (81 cm in diameter, 2.7 kg in weight) of unknown material. The surface is nominally hard and sharp-edged, with a submetallic lustre. SCP-4237-J has demonstrated the ability to deviate from these standards during manipulation; any alteration of SCP-4237-J's form simply 'works' as the manipulator expects or intends it to1, even if such intended manipulation is theoretically impossible.
It is impossible for any person interacting with SCP-4237-J to describe, in words or thoughts, precisely what SCP-4237-J does when one interacts with it. Subjects (and, if applicable, people observing others interacting with SCP-4237-J) find themselves unable to describe what SCP-4237-J did. Users find themselves increasingly frustrated as they attempt to articulate their interaction with SCP-4237-J, generally using analogies, neologisms, or portmanteaus in order to make their point. This inability occurs even if users attempt to recall interactions at a later date.
Attempts to have a passive Observer define events (such as details for this report) fail, with each individual inventing their own descriptions for events. In general, subjects feel a sense of entertainment or pleasure in the activities they perform with SCP-4237-J, despite their inability to verbalize the actions in a rational way.
Addendum 4237-A: Initial Interaction Experiments (D-Class)
Please note: Due to the nature of SCP-4237-J, this report will use written or audio reports from the User. These are unedited, with the exception of removing guttural exclamations of frustration with being unable to define events.
Duration of Interaction: 20 Minutes
So I looked at the thing, and grabbed it. Seemed a bit hard and heavy, like a big version of those dice the nerds used to use in their games. They told me to do whatever I felt like with it, so naturally I decided to see what would happen if I dropped the thing. Here's the really weird thing: it plorted all over the place. Didn't klinkle like you'd expect. Now, I started to worry that the thing had dunked, so I figured I'd try and use the biggest glop to unblow the smaller ones. Then it got really weird, 'cause the little crinks would shoom away from the gonk in my hand, skam against the far wall, and then glorb back into the wad in my hand. Breakedout till the thing was full again. Then they told me to put it down, and leave.
Duration of Interaction: 4 Minutes
Okay, they told me to play with that shiny orb thing. Is this what you people do? Have people like me play with toys? Fine, whatever. After looking at the thing a bit, I realized that if I tapped a side like an elephant would tap a termite nest, that whole side would become a straw. Like a drinking straw, but no hole in the middle. Now, at first it only came out a few minute-space, but I found that repeating the action made it happen again and again, till it was about an hour's worth of stuckoutness. Nothing else happened, no matter which side I tapped on, so I started to all-you-see-is-a-wall with it. It burned like plant food when I tried it, but that's when you guys got mad. I apologize for what I did next, but no harm done, right? It acted like R████ W██████'s worst experiment when I did it on your guy, and then you guys knocked me out.
Duration of Interaction: 5 Minutes
I saw the object, and was told to interact with it. Didn't really know what to do with it. I mean, it wasn't anything special. I slapped it around a bit, and could you believe it, it werged like you wouldn't believe! I just sort of watched it as it orbpulsed a bit, when the thought struck me to stick my finger in the middle of it. It started to whizgurn like a motherfucker, around my finger, skimmying around me! It was then I started to get worried, 'cause… things don't lorb like that! Got worse when the parts started to sunshine between each other. It smellburned so lanterny for a while, so I just enjoyed its whirlpuzzling. After a while, it kooped up like normal.
Duration of Interaction: 10 Minutes
I saw the thing, and since I was in a bad mood, I decided to just smash the damned thing with my foot. It hurt, but it made me feel better. I guess my foot is stronger than I thought, because I pitted it really well. Now in my mind, I'm thinking "Huh, that looks like a twirl." So I picked it up, and I was able to get it floatlatched. Made me feel like a goddamned genius, being able to do that. I found I could skim it a bit and keep the corb there. I struged it to the other, and got em both to hurling. Did that a couple dozen times. Have to admit, that was really awesome. Made me feel like a goddamned Spinnist. But then the higher-ups told me to leave, it got me mad. So I clanged the whole horb down and it all smucked back up into one thing.
Duration of Interaction: 30 Minutes
To be honest, I think you guys picked a bad guy to experiment with this thing. I mean, I didn't do much. I held the thing for a while, juggled it a bit, when the entire thing went jupiter core on me! After thinking it was gonna foom, I realized that each of the sides could be turned into donuts. Not the eating kind, the kind you fly in. Each one was a different brand of pastry, though, so some of them swam while others burned. There were a handful, though, that were the kind you drank, although I didn't. You only drink those things when you're purple, after all. I took advantage of all the goods to make a game for myself, using the flying-foods to make the swim-foods burn. Once I got them all - which wasn't easy, since the drinking donuts kept turning into Europe - they told me to stop. They got a bit mad at me for cleaning up all the dings before I left, but I've always felt it important to clean up after myself.
Duration of Interaction: 8 Minutes before [DATA ASSUMED TO QUALIFY FOR REDACTION]
Subject D-892 sat down next to SCP-4237-J. Taking it in his hands, he proceeded to grater it into approximately seventy chings. Explaining that he was planning on "Horning The Skermers", Subject clayed up each ching, then Trofflestamped the lot. The chings reacted crommley at first, but then began to parallax for homefeel. Subject seemingly enjoyed this, until the rate of crommification increased, leading to [DATA ASSUMED TO QUALIFY FOR REDACTION]. The chings proceeded to wailsing, and then rebing themselves.
Addendum 4237-B: Secondary Interaction Experiments (Foundation Personnel) CURRENTLY PROCESSING