SCP-8851-J
rating: +34+x

Item #: SCP-8851-J

Object Class: Problematic

Special Containment Procedures: The Foundation is to seek money and resources from any and all possible sources. Foundation members are to beg the Humanity Preservation Association for further funding through mail, e-mails, real life harassment, phone calls, telegrams, and anomalous voodoo dolls.

To provide the Foundation with sufficient wealth, lemonade stands are to be opened near Foundation sites and misleading crowdfunding pages are to be created and advertised on the internet.

The Foundation is to use low cost containment procedures and minimize its spending on the preservation of Safe SCPs. Under extreme financial restraints, the Foundation is to sell one or multiple SCPs to other Groups of Interest.

Description: SCP-8851-J is a 95% budgetary cut from the Humanity Preservation Association following Incident-████-Y. To compensate for the conditions imposed by the Association, the Foundation resorted to replace all previous containment procedures with cost effective methods:

  • All lead and titanium-based products were replaced with aluminum foil.
  • Automatic doors were replaced with wooden doors. All personnel are now required to make mandatory "whoosh" noises whenever one is opened.
  • D-Class personnel were replaced with human-shaped cardboard cut-outs.
  • All cameras were sold and replaced with copies of Nokia 3310 cellphones.
  • SCP-2237 was replaced with simulations from the video game Kerbal Space Program.
  • All amnestics were replaced with beer and vodka.
  • SCP-3000 was killed and sold as sushi.
  • SCP-106's containment chamber was replaced with a cardboard box. Signs spelling: "DONT GET OUT YA BASTARD" were plastered on each side of its interior.
  • SCP-2000 was abandoned and replaced with a sperm donation bank.
  • The hydrochloric acid within SCP-682's containment chamber was replaced with lemon juice.

Update-1: Following 282 containment breaches within the same week, the Humanity Preservation Association removed all funding and sold the Foundation to Facebook for $20.

Addendum-A: Several organizations were hit by phenomena similar to SCP-8851-J, including:

  • Multiverse Protection Society, dissolved.
  • Physics Maintenance Assembly, turned into a fast-food chain.
  • Demon and Hellspawn Destruction Agency, sold to Disney.
  • Bureau of Bureaucracy (also known as BoB), 180% budget increase.

More methods to contact and harass the Humanity Preservation Association are being developed.

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