SCP-887 Log
rating: +98+x

This is a log of the decoded and assembled output of SCP-887. Researchers are encouraged to volunteer at decoding the massive backlog of content.

Researcher: Dr. Zara

Sample 887-2930: Twelve pages written in Latin, mixed with French. The text describes a political system in which the movements of the tides are used to determine the next governant. The text later veers into an unusual level of detail regarding the outfits one should wear in such tide-selecting ceremonies.

Sample 887-3114: Eight pages of a crudely-drawn comic describing "Captain Backwards", his ability to enact an action -after- its effect and how he uses it to fight crime. The comic ends by Captain Backwards destroying himself to retroactively create the universe.

Sample 887-4011: 133 pages, written in corrupted Esperanto. A thorough description of the contents of an unwed maiden's bedroom as it existed in a seventeenth-century European city (specific location is undetermined at this time).

Sample 887-4281: A single page with five lines drawn diagonally across it with seventeen dots interspersed, in the manner of a musical notation staff. The resulting score, when played with pure tones through a synthesizer, induces seizures and short-term anterograde amnesia in 85% of the observed subjects.

Sample 887-5102: Fifteen pages covered in curved lines. A brilliant deductive effort by Dr. ██████ determined these to be contiguous sections of a single level map, depicting a 30 km² area of the surface of Saturn's moon Enceladus. Seven points in the map are circled.

Sample 887-5227: Four pages, English. A formal proposal to the United States government to introduce an eighth day to the week. This day would be employed in spiritual contemplation and the worship of pagan divinities the document calls "under-represented".

Sample 887-5836: Three pages covered with hexadecimal numbers, then torn into narrow strips. The assembled document was deciphered as machine code for a hardware driver called "LGCL_XPNDR".

Sample 887-6334: Three pages. A word-by-word replication of the primary report on SCP-657, with the exception he is called "Bernard".

Sample 887-3877: Eight pages, German. A folkloric tale of a boy born without a heart, who ventures into the woods and acquires one from a friendly old woman. He grows up and marries a beautiful lady, who dies giving birth to a demon that devours both.

Sample 887-4710: 96 pages, Akkadian. An extended research article on the properties of naturally occurring "earth lines", and how one might use them for transportation of cargo and projectiles. Several devices intended to employ these properties, built out of wood and lodestone, are outlined.

Sample 887-5005: Five pages, English. 272 different misspellings of the word "anthropomorphization".

Sample 887-9912: Six pages, Latin. A star chart clearly modeled after medieval European charts, but without any recognizable celestial body dispositions. Fourteen constellations are labeled: Pegasus, Sextans (sextant), Centaurus, Chimaera, Cygnus (swan), Lancea (lance), Trilobus (trilobite), Aranea (spider), Nonavulpecula (nine-tailed fox), Caudavorae ("tail-eater", apparently a self-devouring serpent), ████████, ██████, ████ ████████ and Leolacertus (lion lizard)

Sample 887-6776: 2353 pages, English. The phrase "Does the black moon howl?" repeated over 27 thousand times.

Sample 887-8312: 14 pages plus 22 sections of other pages. 637 names, 382 of which have been matched to professional photographers of over 30 nationalities. Research suggests most, if not all, have captured pictures of petroglyphs and scenery around Kata Tjuta and Uluru/Ayers Rock in Australia.

Sample 887-0566: 490 pages, Spanish. A story called "La última aventura de Don Quijote" and attributed to Miguel de Cervantes. While the first few pages are a reasonable simile of Cervantes' style, the narration becomes confused and then outright nonsense afterwards - notably, Dulcinea's dialogue is unintelligible, and Sancho spends several chapters repeatedly crawling out of a muddy pool.

Researcher: Researcher Voct

Sample 887-3162: 38 sonnets in what was identified as medieval Flemish (Antwerp dialect); each sonnet describes in allegorical terms the lives and political accomplishments of a deceased President of the United States; the last line of each sonnet is the President's last words, and the first several words of each sonnet form an acrostic representing a Latinized version of the President's name.

Sample 887-3788: The names and birth weights (in grams) of every member of the Parliament of Lithuania, beginning in 1991.
Note: Produced via SCP-978.

Sample 887-3789: The names of every attendee of the 1969 Woodstock Music Festival, in reverse alphabetical order.
Note: Produced via SCP-978.

Sample 887-3790: A list of 45 methods with which to permanently destroy SCP-682. Each method relies on the use of an SCP or related item which has died, been destroyed, or is otherwise permanently unavailable.

Sample 887- 5516: Five pages from the journal of SCP-451, written in mirror-reversed Pig Latin.

Sample 887-1486: Two thousand villanelles, each of which describes an SCP.

Sample 887-0094: five hundred and eighteen pages of episode synopses, dialogue excerpts, annotations, critical reception, and "bloopers", for seventy-two episodes of the animated comedy The Simpsons, in the format used by popular Simpsons fansite ████.com. Analysis indicates that the episodes are predicated on the Simpsons characters having aged in real time beginning in 1997.

Sample 887-0908: one thousand six hundred and eleven pages of messages posted to an Internet mailing list dedicated to writing "slashfic" (amateur romantic/homoerotic fiction) about the past and present members of the United States Supreme Court; content includes critiques, unfinished drafts, and analyses of judicial decisions in terms of erotic value.

Sample 887-0944: Sketches of human dental records, labeled as belonging to the members of Jimmy Carter's presidential cabinet (identified by birth name and cabinet portfolio), dated to the last month of Carter's administration. Names and portfolios are misspelled, but sketches have been assessed by Foundation forensic dentists as plausible extrapolations of known medical data for the individuals in question.

Researcher: Dr. Sampi

Sample 887-6510: Thirty-one pages, in English. An extensive bio-ethics paper from the █████████ University Philosophy Department, condemning the practice of transplanting the brain from one's dying body into the body of one's youngest child.

Researcher: Dr. Edison

Sample 887-2310: Scripts for a Japanese dub of the first season of "I Love Lucy".

Sample 887-1810: A report on the founding of the Panama Canal. The report is written with a style and vocabulary consistent with an 11-year-old child.

Sample 887-3132: 500 pages of pure source code, seemingly unorganized, and written in C++. Efforts to compile code are ongoing, but comments indicate the program is [DATA EXPUNGED].

Sample 887-3137: 47 pages of Hexadecimal code. Code successfully compiles into a PNG image of Dr. ████████ in a speedo. Dr. ████████ claims no such picture was taken.

Sample 887-0031: Map of a country called "Lemuria", written in English, Circa 18██. "Lemuria" refers to a hypothetical land bridge that was thought to connect Madagascar with the rest of Africa, only to be disproved with the theory of continental drift. The map does not correspond with any known geography, above or below water. Interestingly, the capital of the nation is called "Atlantis".

Sample 887-5893: An extremely clever, detailed, and well-thought-out plan to assassinate Ronald Reagan and replace him with a Soviet spy.

Sample 887-5894: An extremely clever, detailed, and well-thought-out plan to assassinate Leonid Brezhnev and replace him with an American spy.

Sample 887-4324: A short story supposedly written by J.D. Salinger, meant as a prequel to The Great Gatsby.

Sample 887-2331: A complete roster of the Boy Scouts of America, circa 1983.

Sample 887-1123: A selection of random passages that begin with the letter "A", pulled from various "holy" texts. The most common texts cited were (in order): the Bible, the Koran, Dianetics, and the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Sample 887-4333: The words "HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

Sample 887-9913: A list of exactly 743 ways to skin a cat.

Sample 887-1111: The musical score for "SCP Foundation, The Musical"

Sample 887-1426: A Buddhist self-help book titled "Reincarnation & Nirvana: how YOU can beat the system!"

Sample 887-2361: A list of things a man named ████ █ ███ has eaten for breakfast.

Sample 887-4521: Blueprints for a 1:1 scale model of the Tower of London, built entirely out of toothpicks.

Sample 887-1802: An exhaustive list of every person ever theorized to have been William Shakespeare, complete with detailed bibliographic citations. This not only includes common theories (such as Sir Francis Bacon and the Earl of Oxford), but also impossible theories such as Queen Victoria, Cervantes De Leon, and Bram Stoker.

Researcher: Dr. King

Sample 887-6667: A schematic of poorly-rendered Chinese ideograms, linked by lines and curves, spanning 3 pages. The ideograms are names of chemical elements, and the schematic depicts the atomic structure of the amygdalin molecule.

Hey, isn't amygdalin found in… - Dr. ██████

Shh. - Dr. ██████

Researcher: Dr. Bridge

Sample 887-6228: 132 pages, in the style of a journal written in the second person, detailing the life of a juvenile Australian saltwater crocodile. Begins at its hatching day, ending abruptly as the crocodile is eaten by a larger crocodile of the freshwater variety.

Sample 887-8979: A list of the birth dates of every child with the first name of "Matthew" born during a month ending in "y" in the states of New York, New Hampshire and New Jersey between the years of 1936 and 1977.

Sample 887-3338: Blueprints for a Nintendo 64 game cartridge.

Sample 887-0277: The script for the first seven episodes of "That 70s Show", words written backwards.

Sample 887-0923: An extremely crude, if overly detailed, drawing of what seems to be SCP-914. Drawing is quite smeared from SCP-887's hand brushing over it during construction.

Sample 887-8558: A large, multi-page drawing of "King Ghidorah", a monster from the Godzilla film series.

Sample 887-2387: Page 443 of the 1977 Encyclopedia Britannica, written in chatspeak.
Note: Produced via SCP-978.

Researcher: Dr. J██████

Sample 887-3265: Pages 345 through 371 of "A History of the Second Russo-Belgian War", detailing the political and strategic justifications for detonating a device referred to as 'Theta-Nine' 30 km above Gdansk. Effects of the detonation are not documented.

Sample 887-8754: A list of the dates and times that a woman named W██████ S███████ has visited public toilets. The record covers the period from 1988 to 1995.

Sample 887-1676: An autopsy report for an unnamed 13-year-old girl, dated 12 May 2008. The cause of death is listed as 'asphyxiation due to plant matter blocking the trachea'.

Sample 887-3557: A roughly A4-size sketch of actress Milla Jovovich, labelled in the bottom as '13 of 393'

Researcher: Prof. Snider

Sample 887-6543: Seventy-eight post-it notes written in Mandarin Chinese, each one listing a single item typically found in a bathroom (toothbrush, toilet, shower cap, plunger, etc.).

Sample 887-1220: A detailed and illustrated list of every single part of a La-Z-Boy recliner, written upon a similar recliner in black sharpie marker. The total price of all items is included.

Sample 887-0332: When recovered, sample was a pile of broken glass with seemingly random strokes of green paint applied to each shard. When placed back together, the paint strokes formed the phrase "THIS WINDOW IS BROKEN".

Sample 887-4449: An 81-page young adult story written in English titled "The Fabulous Findings of Funky Ferret". The story is about the titular "Funky Ferret" who aspires to be a pirate and ends up going into space. The story ends abruptly in the middle of a sentence, in which Funky Ferret is sword-fighting with a robot pirate captain.

Sample 887-0887: One hundred and twelve sentences written in Spanish, each one announcing which number sentence it was ("This is the first sentence. This is the second sentence. This is the third sentence…")

Researcher: Dr. Garcia

Sample 887-2665: Copy of Kriegsmarine nautical chart of the Gulf of St. Lawrence, with legend (in German) dating the chart to November 1943.

Sample 887-2666: A play, written in Greek. The play is entitled "The Babylonians" and is in the style of Aristophanes. Aristophanes is believed to have written a play by that title in approximately 426 BCE but no copies of the text are extant.

Sample 887-2667: An extremely detailed log of observations of a 31-year-old woman named Agnes Cooper, covering a 26-minute period on October 18, 2004. The log describes the subject's movements, heart rate and body temperature fluctuations as she shops for groceries at a Piggly-Wiggly market in Nashville, Tennessee. The log is written in Afrikaans.

Sample 887-2668: A set of maintenance records for forklifts and cranes at Gdańsk Shipyard in Poland, dated from 1992 to 2016.

Sample 887-2674: Several pages of machine-readable bar codes, corresponding to ten-digit numbers. The significance of the numbers is unknown.

Sample 887-2676: A series of chess problems, designed using a 13 x 9 square-chessboard.

Sample 887-2677: Solutions to crossword puzzles published in the Sacramento Bee newspaper between July 23, 1971 and August 15, 1973.

Sample 887-2680: The character "g", repeated approximately 85,000 times. The document contains a table of contents, headings and subheadings, footnotes and handwritten marginal notes in a different handwriting, all consisting only of repetitions of the letter "g", but punctuated and formatted as if it comprised meaningful text.

Sample 887-2681: A map showing the locations of all Correios de Angola postal system mailboxes in Cabinda, Angola.

Sample 887-2682: Chinese horoscopes for all current roster players in the National Hockey League.

Sample 887-2684: A transcript of a Nahuatl-language conversation between two speakers. One of the speakers was named "Heart of Jaguar"; the other speaker is not named in the conversation. The conversation discusses weather conditions in central Mexico and the timing of a prospective military attack by the Aztecs on a neighboring Tarascan settlement; the attack evidently took place in the year 1508.

Sample 887-2685: A log of lightning strikes in Cuba over a 16-year period beginning in 1906. The log reports the date, time, longitude-latitude coordinates and energy of each strike. The log is written in Javanese.

Sample 887-2686: A series of motor vehicle certificates of title for hearses owned by funeral homes in Appleton, Wisconsin.

Sample 887-2689: A copy of several sections of a New Zealand statute regulating the use of asbestos. The text is transcribed in Pitman shorthand, indicating that the statute had been recited by a speaker with a strong Minnesota accent.

Sample 887-2690: Several versions of a description of the path taken by an ant walking across a floor in SCP-887's containment chamber. These include narrative descriptions in Serbian, in Haitian Creole and in Vietnamese; a long series of programming commands in the Logo programming language; an extended figurative description in Sanskrit mimicking the style of the Mahabharata; and a series of arithmetic functions using Mayan notation to express numbers.

Sample 887-2691: A fatwa, written in Farsi, discussing the times when an observant Muslim should pray and the direction he should face while traveling through seven-dimensional space-time in excess of the speed of light.

Sample 887-2692: A jeremiad, written in the Swampy Cree language (transliterated into Manchu script) that condemns a shade of blue described by the hex triplet #1034A6, and blames that color for the lax standards of morality of today's youth.

Researcher: Dr. ████████.

Sample 887-2704: A perfect copy of text of the English-language Wikipedia article on the Battle of Bunker Hill, consistent with an edit dated ██/██/2010.

Sample 887-2705: A photo-realistic sketch of the former US politician ████ █████ with writing in English around the image claiming that Mr. █████ was a 'lying son-of-a-bitch', had been complicit in the destruction of evidence related to [REDACTED], and was 'going to burn in hell'.

Sample 887-2706: A list of all people currently on the Electoral Roll for the British constituency of ██████████████, along with their past voting history. Written in German.

Sample 887-2707: A running account of the moves performed in the final match of the 1997 chess match between Garry Kasparov and the computer Deep Blue. The moves documented diverge from the moves that were actually performed after [REDACTED], and end with Kasparov winning the match. Writing in Russian.

Sample 887-2710: A 330-line poem, written in English with several spelling errors, describing the author's love of a woman named Janice.

Sample 887-2711: A 15-page critical analysis, signed by a Professor █████ ████, of the stage play Cardenio by William Shakespeare, with writing in Italian save for quoted passages of the play, which are in English. Cardenio is considered to be a 'lost' play (no copy of the play is known to exist).

Sample 887-2712: A shooting script for an unmade art film entitled Route 73, credited as being written by ████████ █████. The script consists of two unidentified men meeting at a bus stop and discussing various topics at length while waiting for a delayed bus. The script is credited as being influenced by the Samuel Beckett play Waiting for Godot. Written in Flemish.

Sample 887-2713: The latin phrase 'Cave Adsum' (Beware, I am here) repeated a total of 407 times. Writing is irregular and scrawled over both sides of a single page, with major differences in letter size, handwriting style, and direction of the writing.

Researcher: Dr. J██ N██████

Sample 887-2873: The complete text of Marcel Proust's À la recherche du temps perdu, in Klingon.

Sample 887-2874: Five hundred pages of "yo momma" jokes, which become steadily cruder and more explicit as the document progresses.

Sample 887-2875: A script for a play entitled Macbeth II: Banquo's Revenge. The play is stylistically consistent with Shakespeare's works.

Sample 887-2876: The complete list of side effects for a drug called "tetradifloxinol", which is fifty pages long and includes such entries as "bone implosions", "gender impermanence" and "temporal instability". No such drug is known to exist.

Sample 887-2877: A list which purports to be Kentucky Fried Chicken's "eleven secret herbs and spices". Barring poison oak (Toxicodendron spp), none of the names listed are known to apply to any plant species.

Researcher: Dr. Gallow

Sample 887-3387: Sewing patterns for a soft toy elephant, drawn to have a trunk that splits into three halfway along its length. Elephant has no tusks and prominent udders.

Sample 887-3391: One page, apparently from a script for a Bobble the Clown TV show. Bobble is demonstrating how to 'catch some more' cyclists by stringing wires across cycle trails. Handwriting is extremely florid and includes a border of loops and smiley faces around the page. Show not intercepted by the Foundation, though tone is a good match for known episodes.

Sample 887-3395: Twenty-three (23) pages of extremely detailed diagrams of how a bramble bush has grown over the shallow grave of four people. Bodies are marked as having been fully skeletonised; diagrams indicate the positions of every large bone as well as the shape of the bush. One skeleton is a juvenile female, the others juvenile males. Plant biologists estimate that the bush has been growing for three (3) years, and the steep sides of the grave suggest that it was dug in heavy clay soil.

Sample 887-3245: A full transcript of the 2003 Academy Awards ceremony. Matches actual event, except that each award-winner's acceptance speech includes the words "Heil Hitler".

Sample 887-3289: Fragmentary revision notes in English and Mandarin Chinese, course titles matching the University of Oxford 2008-09 year Computational Biology MSc course. Many references and criticisms made relating to an apparently unreliable Ubuntu release titled Perky Polecat with features (none anomalous) not present in any copy of this software to date.

Sample 887-3412: Page is entirely shaded in black apart from four long triangles and a circle left white, making the featureless head, arms and legs of a humanoid figure. All triangles taper to points at the extremities. DIE ANSTECKERIN written in capitals on the back. Title is in German; an approximate translation would be 'the woman who pins things down'.

Researcher: Dr. Wilkinson

Sample 887-3523: Seventeen (17) pages of what appear to be a discussion thread from an Internet forum, in modern Cyrillic script. Thread titled "Love and Death". Thread mostly consisted of praises and confessions to numerous serial killers, assassins and rapists, most notably the Russian serial killer Alexander Pichushkin. Other mentioned killers include Charles Manson, Mark David Chapman, and Yoshio Kodaira. Several thread participants express lust for the convicted murderers. No dates or URLs were included on the pages.

Researcher: Dr. Eriksson

Sample 887-6121: A play in the style of William Shakespeare that follows the plot of the novel I, Robot by Isaac Asimov. Apparently intended as a comedy.

Sample 887-6184: An illustration of the constellation Gemini, with the stars Castor and Pollux absent.

Sample 887-6305: A document in the form of a standard SCP object briefing in German, titled SCP-704121. The entirety of the Special Containment Procedures and Description are expunged, with the exception of the phrase "keep me locked up forever."

Sample 887-6322: An elaborate qualitative description of eight pieces of silverware, written in the first person. The author addresses each item by the name of a star.

Sample 887-6560: A choreography (in Labanotation) of a waggle dance that purports to allow a human performing it to direct honey bees towards a food source. The dance has not been tested.

Researcher: Dr. Selvece

Sample 887-7321: A 30-page literary analysis asserting that Holden Caulfield, the main character from the 1951 novel The Catcher in the Rye, is in fact a canine that has run away from his owners' house. Written in Persian.

Sample 887-7329: A poem entitled Kilometres Apart, detailing two anthropomorphized characters, "Kilomark" and "Milemary", who cannot be together due to differences in their measuring systems. Written in Esperanto.

Researcher: Dr. ███████

Sample 887-7427: A complete season of the television series [REDACTED], written in Hungarian using the "Rovas" script used prior to the adaption of the Latin alphabet. Notably, the show's setting and characters are altered substantially in order to provide an analogy of the political events of the Kingdom of Hungary (then a part of the Austrian Empire) between 1843 and 1848 from a Hungarian nationalist point of view. The season ends just before an event analogous to the Revolution of 1848 occurs, with a cliffhanger that the show promises will be picked up "next season".

Sample 887-7451: A 178 page novel entitled "The Ampersand's Coronation", written in English. The document consists of sentences, that, while grammatically correct, have no semantic value.

Sample 887-7463: A proposal to move the island of Madagascar from its location in the Indian Ocean to the middle of the Pacific Ocean to better harness the "energies" that exist there.

Sample 887-7471: A copy of the message inscribed on SCP-1050, translated into Spanish. Apparently signed by Charles II of Spain, who in addition to being King of Spain is also given the titles "Holy Roman Emperor, King of France, and Conqueror of the Daevites".

Researcher: Researcher Saramago

Sample 887-1990: A complete translation of the novel "Twilight" written in Tswana. The character names Edward and Jacob are reversed throughout.

Sample 887-2011: A critical essay discussing mythological representations of the fictional island of Australia, dated 5th May 1998.

Sample 887-1709: A proclamation of the marriage of Shaka Zulu and Princess Alexandrina Victoria of Kent, giving his full titles and styles as "His Majesty Shaka, by the Grace of God, of the Zulu Nation King, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland King, Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India."

Researcher: Dr. Ox C. Moran

Sample 887-5674: 444 pages of an English dictionary. All words for describing smells are excluded. The entry for 'nose' is a string of expletives. The definitions of 'square' and 'triangle' are swapped.

Sample 887-4590: A Japanese strategy guide for the video game 'Pokemon:Blue.' The guide spends most of its time discussing the superiority of bug-type Pokemon and advantages of wearing shorts. The guide ends less than halfway through the game.

Sample 887-9090: A sequence of exclamation points and question marks. When converted into binary and ran, plays Pong.

Sample 887-0511: A detailed story about a young O5-11 peeing in his pants in front of his friends.

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