SCP-????-J Extended Log
rating: +38+x

NOTE TO ALL RESEARCH STAFF

All locking mechanisms related to the opening of SCP-????-J's container must be properly logged here. The following format must be utilized:

Name:
Date:
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Name: J.R. T██████ Lees
Date: 26/10/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Trivia Test Must answer correctly at least 7 of 10 questions on a variety of pop culture topics Completed after three tries1
Name: Advanced AI-NCD
Date: 21/11/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Wheel of Fortune Must spin the wheel and try to answer the phrases correctly CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON ONE MILLION DOLLARS!2
Name: Y. P. L███████
Date: 29/11/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Memetic Agents Five extremely powerful antimemetic agents covering a button, which needed to be pressed Unsolved3
Name: Dr. Brim
Date: 30/11/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Solar System Trivia Must name all of the planets in the solar system Completed by Dr. ███████4
Name: Dr. I█████
Date: 2/12/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Verbal Statement Must confess a sincere love of Jar Jar Binks Completed by Junior Researcher █████████5
Name: Advanced AI-NCD
Date: 5/12/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Computer Test Must document an anomaly via computer Created a slot on 'Joke SCPs', created an anomaly and failed6
Name: Dr. Brim
Date: 6/12/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
A tray containing five glasses of pop, similar in color and taste to [REDACTED]-[REDACTED] brand cola Identify the brand of the sodas presented Incomplete7
Name: Dr. Brim
Date: 6/12/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
A miniature version of SCP-682 subtitled "Kill the lizard" We need to kill it. Anything that didn't work on the real 682 won't work here Incomplete8
Name: Dr. Niblic
Date: 7/7/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Tongue Twister Must say a tongue twister without any mispronunciations. Any vocalizations made by the speaker are telepathically repeated to them after a 0.5 second delay Complete
Broken Finger A completion bar increases for every finger broken by a resident of Dedoroto, Arizona. Complete9
Spin Must spin for 10 minutes with arms outstretched Complete
Garden Gnome Box dispenses a garden gnome every 24 hours. Mechanism locks itself if a garden gnome is removed from the containment chamber or is facing away from the box Complete
Name: Dr. Edison
Date: 7/8/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Crowbox A wooden box that must be opened with a specialized crowbar. Crowbar is inside the box Incomplete
Skeleton-In-The-Box [DATA EXPUNGED] whereupon a skeleton popped out No survivors
Atlas Shrugged A copy of the book Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Book must be read in a single sitting No survivors
Don't touch me! A red button that expresses annoyance when pushed. To unlock, subject must *not* touch the button, but must instead hold his finger above the button and say "I'm not touching you!" for 15 minutes Completed
[DATA EXPUNGED] To disengage the lock, a subject who is of welsh decent must perform a two-man version of William Shakespeare's Macbeth with the help of a trained Grizzly Bear no more than 12 years of age, while simultaneously gargling Listerine-brand mouthwash on a prime-numbered day of the month during an ongoing containment breach of SCP-████, but only when it is an overcast in Phoenix, Arizona unless Dr. Alto Clef is within 6 feet of a beagle wearing a "Groucho Marx disguise" Completed by accident
Name: Advanced AI-NCD
Date: 11/8/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
SCP-789-J Must interact with SCP-789-J See Footnote 1010
Name: Dr. Brim
Date: 9/12/2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
A tin of Altoids Dr. Clef must consume an entire tin of Altoids in one sitting Complete, no survivors11
Name: Dr. Izza
Date: 01/01/2018
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
"Always look on the bright side of life" by Eric Idle "Always look on the bright side of life" will be played for 10 hours without pause Attempted. Result: Incomplete12
Dynamite Two kilograms of TnT dynamite will be lit on fire with one lighter No survivors13
SCP-666-J Dr. Gerald will drive a bicycle near the box No survivors with the exception of Dr. Gerald14
SCP-001-J SCP-001-J will be pushed Incomplete15
Name: Y. P. L███████
Date: 8/01/2018
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Miniature SCP-2719 Use SCP-2719 to go inside something Completed16
Name: Dr. Walker
Date: 8/08/18
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Limes Five limes dispensed from hole in box, along with a note reading "Go suck a lime, assholes". Having all five members of research team suck on said limes disengaged mechanism Completed
Apple seeds Roughly eighty (80) tonnes of apple seeds exhuded from SCP-????-J's container No solution found17
Orbit Box rapidly gains density, causing small objects to orbit container Use of SCP-536 on SCP-????-J's container approved by O5 council18 No solution found
Name: Dr. Narinski
Date: 10/18/19
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Large steel vault door A Hilti dd350 core drill materialized onto a vulnerable point of the vault door when 4 personnel stool in specific pattern19 100m away from the door Completed, (20), (21)
Name:[REDACTED FOR PRIVACY]
Date:10/20/19
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
3 cm radius hole with two LEDs above it22 Can be opened by any key, except SCP-005 Completed, easily
SCP-005 must be inserted into standard locking mechanism Upon discovery of lock, SCP-005 disappeared from containment. The only reason the foundation knows that SCP-005 must be inserted into the keyhole is a note next to the hole saying "Please insert SCP-005 to continue." Incident labeled (SCP-????-J/SCP-005)-DIS. Incomplete. SCP-005 still not retrieved
Name: Dr. Spooks
Date: 02/01/20
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Satisfactory Speech Personnel are to please SCP-????-J's container through speech Completed23
Sports 12 personnel are to play any sport they may prefer for five hours without pause. Completed24
Name: Dr. Whomst'd've
Date: 31.7.2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
ball throw A Foundation standard-issue softball was thrown at SCP-????-J Complete
ball catch A large and handsomely muscular humanoid arm appeared sticking out of SCP-????-J, covered in an intricate full-sleeve tattoo depicting SCP-????-J engaging in various sordid and vile acts with SCP-527. The arm proceeded to manifest a Foundation standard-issue softball and throw it at the nearby Security Officer McSecurityofficerface, who caught it in mid-air Complete
ball run SCP-????-J manifested a large exercise ball, with a loud and and quite rude robot voice instructing the nearby Security Officer McSecurityofficerface to "run on the ball like A MAN, you lil' shit" Incomplete. Security Officer McSecurityofficerface was promptly instructed to stop skipping leg day
ball kick SCP-????-J manifested a pair of large and handsomely muscular humanoid legs wearing a pair of equally large and equally handsome high heels and a pair of perhaps even larger but slightly less handsome hammer pants. Legs were promptly kicked in the crotch by a nearby Security Officer McSecurityofficerface, who had entered a rage state after falling off an exercise ball Complete
shoot ball SCP-????-J transformed into a Suomi KP/-31 submachine gun, modified to include the actual damn box in place of the cartridge. A nearby Security Officer McSecurityofficerface, who had entered a rage state after falling off an exercise ball again, aimed the patriotically named submachine gun between the legs of Dr. Whomst'd've and pulled the trigger Complete. Dr. Whomst'd've's left testicle has been declared KIA, and was posthumorously nominated for the Alto Clef Award for Itching Horribly at the Most Inappropriate of Times before being buried in a Foundation standard-issue testicular burial ceremony attended only by Dr. Whomst'd've, his closest friends and family, and that one creepy Ethics Committee member who looks like former Finnish president Urho Kekkonen if former Finnish president Urho Kekkonen had sniffed glue since preschool and who always shows up for Foundation standard-issue testicular burial ceremonies
dong touch [DATA EXPUNGED] Ew
memes Security Officer McSecurityofficerface, along with his buddies Dr. van Doctorbutt and Janitor Janitorarmpit Jr, wrote and preformed a five-act theatre production based on a rage comic from like 2007 Complete. Security Officer McSecurityofficerface, along with his buddies Dr. van Doctorbutt and Janitor Janitorarmpit Jr, were all demoted to D-class by Dr. Whomst'd've25
Name: Y. P. L███████
Date: 22/8/2019
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
SCP Joke One researcher must tell a joke involving an SCP to a wall-mounted face Complete26
Name: Advanced AI-NCD
Date: 09/09/2021
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Super Meat Boy Should play Super Meat Boy and get past Dr. Fetus Failed.27
WW█ 2K17 Must fight Brock Lesnar with The Undertaker on WrestleMania 30 Failed28
Name: Dr. ████████
Date: 1/4/2022
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
List of SCPs Had to list every single SCP's number, name, and give a short description29 Impossible due to certain SCPs30
Name: Dr. ███████
Date: 25.10.2017
Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
Spell ICUP. Digital display showed the phrase: “SPELL ICUP”. Dr. Sherman enunciated the phrase “I see you pee.” Complete31
Distracted Driving. An entire (inflatable) driving simulator apparatus with a built in screen pushed itself out of the side of SCP-????-J. One person was required to pass the driving test while also being distracted by the fact that in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer’s table. Incomplete Impossible
“Drink Me”. SCP-????-J manifested a cup filled with an amber brown liquid, with “DRINK ME” printed on the side of the cup. D-94509 was instructed to drink the liquid, and soon after said “Ouch oof owie”, reporting severe pain in his skeletal system. Complete
Insult booth. A curtained area similar to a photo booth labeled “INSULT BOOTH” erupted out of one of the sides of SCP-????-J. D-94510 was instructed to enter the photo booth. When inside, he pressed a large and prominent button, which dispensed a ticket.32 Gottem
The 29 minute Guaruntee. A stack of pizza's33 was dispensed from SCP-????-J. A computerized voice eminating from SCP-????-J stated "You must go 42 blocks in 7 and 1/2 minutes, or your ass is fired!". With no destination given, researchers failed to deliver the pizzas. Just give me another chance. You're FIRED.34

Name: Dr. Unfist
Date: 25.10.2017

Lock Type: Information on Lock: Notes:
trout a trout, subject ate the trout, it was yummy and good in his tummy mmm mmm trout35
SCP-055 Give a full explanation of SCP-055 impossible?36
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