SCP Foundation

Dear sir or madame,

It has come to our attention that you have taken some of our props, and while we understand why you felt it necessary, we politely request you return them. We were not intending for the performance to reach the level it did, and it can only be seen as the fault of the actors. Some people just have to be free spirits, and while that is commendable in the long run, it isn't the way you run a production.

Normally we'd let you keep them, but we feel they don't quite mesh with the performance we've presented thusfar. It isn't really proper to take a drama and throw a dash of realistic fiction into it, or vice versa. Performance is all about execution, and if we just threw properties at people willy nilly it wouldn't be very interesting. In terms you might understand, it's like performing an experiment with too many variables. The result just doesn't cut it.

In exchange for the return of our property, we're willing to offer you a personal gift: tickets to our next show, "A Symphony in Algae" about undersea life and the effect of a prop very similar to the one you've stumbled onto. There are only two seats left, which we could sell to one of those exhibitionist art groups, but we've decided that the return of our belongings is worth being deprived of new players on the field.

William Shakespeare once said "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."

And you know what? He was right.

Sincerely,

Wehrner Gillespie

Red Actors Troupe