Dr. Löwen Alphonse Davison Augustin Jakobs Atreides Lemuria Agloval Silberescher's Personnel File
Silberescher.jpg

Portrait of Dr. Silberescher

Name: Baron Silberescher, D.SPAaVOCFoL, KSC

Security Clearance: Level 0

Facility: None (Castle Silberescher)

Profile: Dr. Löwen Alphonse Davison Augustin Jakobs Atreides Lemuria Agloval Silberescher, Baron of [REDACTED], Lord Knowledge, Savior of Ocelots, Spellshaper of the Boros Legion, and Keeper of the Sacred Chao,  known alternately as "Lö", “Alfie”, “Davey”, “Augie”, "Aggie", “Jake”, “Lemmy”, “Silber”, “Doc”, "Ladajalas", and "Old Sliderule", is a noble residing in the minute principality [REDACTED], located in southeastern Europe. In 2009, Foundation agents entered contact with Baron Silberescher after the detection of anomalous radio signals emanating from the noble’s barony. The Baron, after a period of negotiation over brandy and chocolates, willingly handed over the object responsible for the emissions [now designated SCP-███], and offered to maintain a connection with the Foundation, citing knowledge of several anomalous objects, both in the Baron’s custody and being tracked down by the noble’s servants. Agents provided a telephone number through which the Baron could contact a Foundation branch in Lithuania; Silberescher graciously accepted and indicated the intent to install a telephone system in the barony as soon as possible. Roughly two weeks after the incident, Baron Silberescher contacted the branch, providing a specimen of the species known as SCP-████.

Baron Silberescher bears an avid interest in scientific research, especially in the subject of anomalous objects. He claims to study such items as a pastime, and explained in a conversation with Agent █████ that experimentation with such items is rigorous and only concludes when the Baron “exhausts their mysteries”. However, of the data offered to Foundation emissaries, none has been useful in a significant way; a typical "report of qualities" contains almost no information that a research team would not ascertain within a cursory initial inspection, and the rest consists of idiosyncratic statements of conjecture and opinion. Of SCP-███, the Baron wrote:

This creature's attitude is irredeemably callous and unsavory, and its vocal emissions most stinging to the ears; any attempts made to reform its character of conduct and hygiene in order to introduce it to formal society would, with no doubt in mind, result in disaster and fulsome embarrassment. Its ear-shattering screams, insistence on hiding its face from view with its gangly arms, and shamelessly ignorant political opinions make it a most tiresome conversational partner; however, when it accedes to the situation, rather than endeavoring to strip away its gear, it can succeed on the rugby pitch like few men of its lanky stature.

In addition, the credentials he possesses are questionable at best. Silberescher’s degree is a “Doctorate of Science, Philosophy, the Arts, and Various Other Celebrated Fields of Learning”, a fictitious program offered exclusively to the noble by a nearby university. The Baron has claimed that, although he identifies as a doctor, the honorific imparted by a D.SPAaVOCFoL is actually “Lord Knowledge”. He also related an anecdote in which an aspiring biologist named Szalek █████████ somehow, "through either bureaucratic error or sheer cunning", signed up for and completed the program, then was appointed "Lord Knowledge". The young man was commended and executed.

The study of anomalous objects is one of L.A.D.A.J.A.L.A. Silberescher's numerous pastimes. The Baron is also, among other things, a cultivator of exotic plants and animals, an apple breeder, a charcoal artist, a welder, a "level 21 planeswalker", a musical performer who released an album in the "orchestral rap" genre under his own label (using the pseudonym "Amateur Knight") and the world's leading collector of memorabilia relating to the 1984 film The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. The Baron insists, repeatedly and without provocation, that he is not the Kwisatz Haderach.

Agents of the Lithuanian facility Site 61 are to pursue an amiable relationship with Baron Silberescher, due to his cooperative nature and his apparent connections in regard to the location of items relevant to Foundation interests. Female agents are to accept all gifts provided by Silberescher, including chocolate, ocelots, and street names. Male agents are to participate with the Baron in any sporting events or other physical pursuits which he offers the agent, including elk hunting, chessboxing, apple picking, mensur, and "spiel von flammenwerfer".

SCPs recovered with the assistance of Baron Silberescher

Articles Authored Rating Comments Created Last Comment Last Edit
SCP-3005 163 62 27 Mar 2017 21:42 27 Apr 2017 01:02 21 Apr 2017 05:00
SCP-2731 146 32 12 Nov 2014 20:27 23 Mar 2017 02:22 23 Mar 2017 02:21
SCP-2360 179 47 06 Feb 2014 21:21 19 Apr 2017 05:53 25 Feb 2014 00:18
SCP-2005 78 44 22 Nov 2013 05:43 16 Jul 2016 20:30 02 Oct 2016 20:02
SCP-1383 125 59 24 Sep 2013 10:44 31 Mar 2017 04:11 08 Apr 2017 08:33
SCP-609 285 84 13 Dec 2012 19:27 21 Oct 2016 23:12 23 Dec 2015 08:32
SCP-1502 120 46 21 Nov 2012 18:49 11 Apr 2017 09:08 16 Apr 2017 04:10
SCP-173-J 417 86 27 Aug 2012 20:53 15 Dec 2016 05:31 14 Nov 2016 04:34
SCP-1425 568 156 10 Jul 2012 08:13 14 Mar 2017 02:17 05 Apr 2017 23:59
SCP-1523 174 51 22 Jun 2012 23:01 08 Apr 2017 10:41 16 Apr 2017 04:54
SCP-1802 356 90 22 May 2012 22:56 19 Mar 2017 22:01 03 Jun 2014 15:31
SCP-1177 242 82 16 May 2012 17:34 09 Mar 2017 08:40 17 Mar 2017 04:24

Event records archived with the assistance of Baron Silberescher

Tales Spun Rating Comments Created Last Comment Last Edit
SCP-1425-765 22 7 02 Apr 2017 03:26 07 Apr 2017 17:21 02 Apr 2017 03:38
Glass x Diogenes 4 Life! <3 10 7 02 Apr 2016 04:07 18 Jan 2017 04:19 02 Apr 2016 05:06
MTF Sigma-66 Post-Mission Psychological Evaluation 22 22 07 Mar 2016 03:40 01 Feb 2017 14:04 01 Feb 2017 16:46
The Beginning Of The End 95 32 24 Feb 2015 00:26 11 Sep 2015 11:38 22 Apr 2016 15:19
House Of Gears, Part Two 22 4 08 Jul 2014 07:26 14 Nov 2016 13:45 03 Feb 2017 09:41
House Of Gears, Part One 17 2 08 Jul 2014 07:25 26 Jun 2015 18:20 22 Apr 2016 15:23
Castling By Hand 19 4 08 Jul 2014 07:20 26 Jun 2015 18:07 07 Dec 2016 16:20
Queen's Gambit 24 2 08 Jul 2014 07:02 18 Nov 2016 23:50 22 Apr 2016 15:23
The Truth Is Out There 155 26 05 Feb 2013 21:58 21 Oct 2016 13:29 22 Apr 2016 15:31
Handout 43 35 11 Nov 2012 22:28 13 Nov 2012 21:17 22 Apr 2016 15:33
On The Seventh Day Of Christmas 70 32 28 Jun 2012 22:59 05 Sep 2016 22:58 22 Apr 2016 15:36

GOI Documents retrieved with the assistance of Baron Silberescher

Tale Rating Comments Created Last Comment Last Edit
Cassandra 32 8 08 Jul 2014 07:17 11 Feb 2016 23:53 20 Nov 2016 08:06
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