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Item #: SPC-022-J

Class: Land shark

Shark Punching Contingencies: SPC-022-J-A is to be held in a Shark Punching Center standard containment tank, drained of water, at Aquarium-██. Personnel assigned to SPC-022-J-A are to be instructed to ignore all unidentified vocalizations as mimicry produced by SPC-022-J-A. In addition to regular feedings, SPC-022-J-A is to be punched thrice daily, for no less than 15 min in each pummeling, to diminish its morale. This task must be completed by two Center personnel in standard operational chainmail.

If an uncontained SPC-022-J instance is encountered, all Center personnel are directed to use tactical defensive punching to pulverize it. Long-range pugilization devices should be engaged until the SPC-022-J instance is softened, when short-range punch-guns and fistcuffs can be engaged until capture is successful.

Personnel successful in pummeling a wild SPC-022-J instance are to be awarded 15 Punch Bucks for use in any of the Shark Punching Center’s numerous sushi establishments.

Description: SPC-022-J is the designation for a species of non-aquatic Selachimorpha known colloquially as the “land shark” (Carcharodon terras). In addition to the terrestrial locomotion of SPC-022-J, instances are noted for their unique intelligence, broad distribution throughout the world and developed mimicry of the human voice. Because of these advanced abilities, SPC-022-J encounters with civilians have been fatal in over 85% of known cases.

Instances of SCP-022-J prey primarily on young, female humans, especially those without mates who may assist in repelling the instance’s aggression. Documented SPC-022-J attacks have occurred at all times of the day. While urban settlements are at the greatest risk for SPC-022-J encounters, instances are capable of surviving in all inhabited areas.

SPC-022-J was discovered on 1975/11/08 when, during a showing of the popular television series ████████ █████ ████, an SPC-022-J instance attacked and killed multiple members of the cast live on air. After Shark Punching Center agents were deployed to the scene, the instance (SPC-022-J-A) was properly pummeled, and taken by the Center for further research.

Since 1975, a total of ██ instances of SPC-022-J have been pugilized by Center personnel.

Addendum 022-J-1: Standard SPC Confirmation

Located in the ocean? No (Requirement overridden by The Administrator)
Larger than a dolphin? Yes
Potentially perilous pointy parts? Yes

Addendum 022-J-2: “It is currently unknown how many SPC-022-J instances are in existence, roaming the back alleys of our fair cities, like Detroit, Rotterdam, Caracas, Baghdad and Cape Town. But wherever those sons of blobfish are, we’re gonna find them, and we’re gonna punch them back to the Paleozoic!” - The Administrator

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