Interviewed: Dr. A. Clef, SCP number pending.
Interviewer: Dr. ████████ Kondraki.
Foreword: This interview took place 24 hours after the Site 17 incident.
<Begin Log, ██-██-████, ████:██:██>
Clef: How's the leg?
Kondraki: I'll be fine. How are the face, the eyes, the ears, and the entire body?
Clef: They gave me a few minutes with the pendant. Enough to heal me, not enough to turn me into The Blob.
Kondraki: Shame that. It might actually improve your personality.
Clef: I've missed you too.
Clef: How is the girl?
Kondraki: Comatose. Gears knocked her out on site, after she did the thing with the Dragon. They decided it was better if she stayed that way. They have her locked up in a room lined with telekill.
Clef: Who do they have assigned to watch her?
Clef: That poor girl.
Kondraki: Funny, coming from the one who tried to kill her.
Clef: I wasn't talking about the SCP.
Kondraki: So, why did you do it?
Clef: You've read the report, haven't you? It was a mistake on my part. I thought that I could help contain her by…
Clef: Pardon me?
Kondraki: Bull. Shit. According to the report, you're an absolute moron who screwed up so badly that he caused a major site-wide incident. But if I know you, you're not a moron. You're a sadistic, evil, and conniving bastard, but you're not stupid.
Clef: I never knew you cared.
Kondraki: Cut the crap, Clef. What were you really after?
Clef: I have no idea what you're talking about, Konny, dear.
Kondraki: [raising voice] It's all too convenient. A partial voice log from your PDA that cuts out just as Lilith manages to order you to tell the truth? An emergency call that summons two other Foundation researchers onto the scene? A major security breach that causes every single SCP at that base to leave their containment cells? Massive casualties, including at least 2 SCPs, one of which we had high hopes for, one of which YOU personally vouched for?
Clef: Do you watch cartoons, Kondraki? You should check out this show called Gargoyles, I think you'd like it…
Kondraki: [shouting] What the hell were you trying to do? Were you trying to kill someone? Get in contact with someone? Make them put the girl to sleep?
Clef: [manic laughter] Goddamn it, the Stones were right, it really is the nature of my game that's puzzling you, isn't it!
Kondraki: … what?
Clef: Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name.
Kondraki: … bullshit. You're lying. You always lie.
Clef: Yes, I do… always lie, don't I? One might even call me the father of lies, considering all the lying I do. Funny that.
Kondraki: … women hate you.
Clef: Of course they do. Considering that little incident with the apple tree, I'm not surprised they still harbor some lingering resentment. It was all for the best, though…
Kondraki: [speaking faster] Lilith knew you. She said you loved her. You said you never stopped loving her…
Clef: She was too good for that simpering fool. Untamed, strong, and wild, a true woman, not that whiny little submissive slut Eve. Of course, that milquetoast asshole preferred the one who'd lie quietly and take it, not the one who'd show him a…
Kondraki: [faster and louder] The wood nymph . . you convinced her to flower…
Clef: Apple blossoms, if you looked closely enough.
Kondraki: And Sigurrós?
Clef: Also known as the Alpha and Omega, the Great I AM… I'm still not sure what she's doing incarnating again. I mean, it basically means Heaven is empty right now, and my people are going to be storming the gates any time now.
Kondraki: My god…
Clef: … is currently lying in a coma in a hospital bed nearby, yes. Helpless. Alone… completely vulnerable.
Clef: [manic laughter] Oh Jesus Christ, you're actually buying this bullshit, aren't you?
Kondraki: … what?
Clef: Oh god, the look on your face, it's priceless! It's better than when I told Gears that Alice had hacked my optics and convinced me to get rid of the competition! He nearly put that little monster through an MRI to check for infection in her brain before he figured out I was bullshitting him… but hell, that frigid bastard's got no emotions at all, that's not nearly as fucking hilarious as you!
Kondraki: … YOU LYING SONOVABITCH!
Clef: [manic laughter, strangled] And here's the really fucked up part, Kondraki… what if I'm lying right now? What if I did just tell you the truth before, and what you primitive apes call Heaven is currently laying wide open, ready to be stormed by my followers? What if you die, and your soul crosses the Boundary, and you find those damn artemicite gates covered with the bloody wings of the Elohim nailed to the walls? And what if I'm there, ready to lead you to your eternal reward? And what if I've got ███, and I'm showing her all the things that you'll never [DATA EXPUNGED]?
Kondraki: You BASTARD! I'll kill you!
Clef: You'll never un-think it, Konny! It'll always be back there in the back of your head, nagging, nagging, tickling you, spinning around in an unending spiral…
Kondraki: [Inarticulate scream of rage.]
[It is determined that this is the point where Dr. Clef accidentally fell out of his chair and struck his head nine times against the corner of the desk, fracturing his skull and snapping his neck between the second and third vertebrae.]
Closing Statement: Dr. Clef remains in intensive care, paralyzed from the neck down. Dr. Kondraki has been cleared of all responsibility regarding the incident.