The Chronicles of a Johnathan Sole Perem Chapter I: Enter The Spoiled Tick
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"Rise, rise my soldiers of the night, dead profligates, b—" Jonathan said as he reached in his pocket for a book titled 'HOW TO ACT LIKE A VAMPIRE 101', flipping through it for the right phrase to finish off his 'diligently' planned ritual.

"Oh yeah, that sounds nice, hurhm wrenches of the universe, forgotten souls rise!" His voice echoing through the shimmering night as the ground shook from the erupting undead. They stood before their small and confident master awaiting his commands. Pleased with this, he said with a widening smile "You see that over there?" Pointing at the castle in the distance. "Pillage it, rip it up from the ground, annihilate it in the name of your new lord and master, Johnathan Sole Perem!"

Acknowledging the command they rushed across the muddy fields towards the castle. Johnathan was ecstatic that his 35th attempted 'raid' on the port of Slibean would commence and to celebrate, he relaxed on his folding chair drinking lemonade for he was not of age to drink alcohol. As he watched from a safe distance he observed his horde with anticipation as they made a path of destruction leading to the castle; until suddenly, a blinding light appeared and disappeared, along with his horde.

This was expected.

He thought zombies would be able to survive longer, but being wrong again he crossed that off his list, folded his chair, threw away his lemonade, and got on his bike, for he was not of age to drive a car yet. But something was wrong; the castle drawbridge open with 2 giant iron Golems rushing out towards him! Johnathan was perplexed, he planned his escape for twenty minutes and still, they caught him, how could this be?

He thought and thought about what he did wrong until he realized the golems were already beside him. They grabbed him with their cold hands, in which he protested that this was abuse, he could get hypothermia. Probably not, but it was still a possibility. The golems hurried to chain him in the dungeon to rid themselves of the cries from this small, blue-skinned child and left the rest to the head of the castle, Samuel Khan.


"Well well well. What brings you here, Mister Perem." Khan spat at Johnathan, still dressed in his pajamas.

"I would like to let you know, for the past month, someone has been summoning and sending brainless mongrels here non stop! Every day, when I sleep, when I eat, when I brush my teeth, they always come in some form! Do you have any idea on why this is happening, mister Perem?

"I have no clue on what you're talking about, I was simply enjoying the view."

"At night, in this mosquito-infested weather? Of course, why would you 'attack' your eldest sister territory?"

"Indeed, why would I?"

Khan's blood was boiling at this point, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that the person in front of him was the source of his misery. But ending this creature that excreted his torment would cost him everything in life and death.

"Oh I don't know, it's not like you have done this to several other ports or how you turn yourself into a wannabee vampire to increase your power, but why indeed."

"I am not a wannabe vampire, I'm the real deal, don't you see these fangs?" Showing his tiny curved teeth. "Nay, you moron, you are nothing, you were born nothing, your job is nothing, this port is nothing! " He screamed, breaking his calm composure and returning to his normal speaking manners.

"I'm nothing? You waste your time bothering hardworking people, you stupid brat! Don't you have any friends, so they get rid of you!

"Nay! Who needs friends when I have myself. Wasting time hanging out and bonding, I'm making real things happen, you'll see, I'll be head of the House of Perem one day."

Now carefully examining the creature in front of him after his blasphemous statement, he came to the realization that …"You are the physical embodiment of a blue malnourished dwarf, playing dress-up."

Johnathan had enough of Khans petty and untruthful insults and struggled in vain to get out of the chains wrapped around him, only stopping when hearing heavy footsteps coming from the entrance.

"Is that right, little john-john?" Said a blue-skinned woman in some form of combat gear.

"Lord Aaberg," saluting as she entered the room, "thank you for coming so quickly, I know you must be a busy person."

"Don't worry about it, if it's about my family, I always make time." Giving a warming glance at Johnathan.

It made goosebumps pop around his body witnessing that disgusting smile that only his sister could make.

"Aren't you going to greet your sister you d—"

"It's okay, you did well today, I'll take it from here." She said with her irises spinning, a trademark of the House of Perem.

"Thank you and safe travels." And they were gone in a blink of an eye.


Johnathan was now chain free sitting in a glowing chair in front of a desk with glass pane behind them, that surprisingly had a pleasant view of space, and his sister was on the other side surrounded by several floating documents.

"John-john, what's the problem, lately you been acting out of character."

"Out of character? No, it's just me being free from you people. I'm tired of living under your thumb and your standards."

"So you turn yourself into a 'vampire' and attacked one of our ports to prove this statement. See this is not like you, use to be so quiet and intuitive, now your just spewing nonsense."

"I am not spewing nonsense, you just never listen to me."

"But it is nonsense, you can't become a vampire, our blood doesn't permit it. Vampires need blood with low iron to survive, our blood has no iron, so you're just feeding off yourself and because of that your vampiric powers and weaknesses will never awaken." She said with this with such confidence and vigor it filled Johnathan with doubt, but he still refused to accept these truths.

"I… I don't care!" Was the only thing he could think to say in the face of reality.

"John-john, you poor thing," Johnathan's heart raced as his hands became numb, knowing she only gets like this when she realizes victory, "You're going through a phase. I hate phases." She said in a bleaker tone.

"Why do they call it the moon phase, why not just the moon cycle. It's not changing, it's only spinning like a cycle. Isn't that confusing to you too right?" Jonathan has nothing to say to this distant in madness.

"Aw forget it, it's just so impractical and ludicrous just call it a cycle, that's what it is. They call the precipitation cycle because its a cycle, it goes round and round, but the moon does the same thing and it's called a phase? It is insanity, if only they could go back in 1505—"

Johnathan waited in the chair for what felt like hours listening to his sister rant on phases until she finally got tired of it.

"You know John-john you should act more mature, you have at least 300 younger siblings looking up to you. But it seems this behavior won't be going away anytime soon. So I think some hard labor would help find your 'freedom'."

"Hard labor, what is she talking about? Am I going to be sent to the front lines?" His thoughts became darker and darker as he realizes where he was going to be sent; how he would be awoken from his sleep to gunfire and sun cannons all-day long.

"Nay-nay, okay I get it, I'll stop, I promise I won't do it again." He won't get caught, that is.

"No, you need to learn. I have already made arrangements."

"Arrangements for what?" He said as his heart pounded in his chest.

"You will be working for your older brother, Hawkins."

"That weirdo? How can he run a business if he keeps fondling his money?" He said laughing at his cleverness.

"That is not funny, you should show some respect to your older brother and stop spreading rumors about him. Anyways, you'll be starting tomorrow, so packed your stuff and be ready by noon."

"You know what? I'm not doing it." Making his sister almost stumble out of shock.

"Nay, you don't control me, you're not my mom you're not my dad, you're not my boss, your're just a bully and I'll do what I want when I w—" Biting his tongue realizing what his sudden surged of confidence brought him; no longer his sister but a monster made of shadows filling the room crawling ever so closer to him.

"Nay nay nay, hold up, it was a joke it was a joke, I was kidding okay, okay!" His cries fell on deaf ears.


Johnathan stood in a puddle of his sweat as he waited for his older brother Hawkins to pick him up in the parking lot, at noon. Johnathan had contemplated the consequences of running away from here: one would be freedom from his controlling family, two would be facing the wrath of his sister, or three, dying of heatstroke. He had to stay.

Several puddles of sweat later, he saw an unusually large man carrying a door approaching him. When he got close enough to hear Johnathan speak, he ignored him and slammed the door on the ground pointing at it, suggesting for him to enter.

Johnathan opened the door, entering an office decorated expensive furniture and accessories that would be thrown out next month, with Hawkins sitting on the other end of a desk.

"Nay, sit down Johnathan." He said in a detached and annoyed voice. "Aaberg decided to entrust me with you, I have one rule for you to follow, don't get in my way between me and money is that understood?

"Sure." A calculated response that would annoy him.

Hawkins now chuckling to himself with eyes spinning. "Well Johnathan, when I was your around age 15 and 16 I was very similar, I use to burn my enemies as I collected their riches and gold/, ah yes //gold, if only I go back and just touch it again.. But want I needed to get out of that phase was something to make eyes bigger, and I think this job will do just that."

"Do you worst, your nothing like her, weirdo."

"Nay-nay, your right and you do have a lot of energy for your age and stature, it'll be hard to break someone like you ." A rebuttal to his previous sly comment.

"What do you mean stature, I am the normal height for my ag—" Cut off by the collapsing floor underneath him, sucking him into a dark void; screaming for a few seconds until realizing it was comfortable free falling in a warm empty place.


Johnathan felled on dusty concrete surrounded by towering shelves. Johnathan, now on alert, was looking for anyone to explain where he was. As he wandered around, he found a checkout line with a man with tentacle arms arguing with an employee over the counter.

"Listen I only want a twenty percent discount on the flat screen tv. It's not that much."

"We told you a hundred times already we will not be giving you a discount because you broke your tv the moment you enter your home." She said with a blank expression.

"I have twelve kids okay, can you just give a little leniency?"

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave if you keep asking me the same question."

"Listen, I just want a twenty percent discount! Why can't you just give me it? Slamming his tentacle on the counter making several items fly off. " No wonder you in this dead-end joint, you have the looks and mind of a slug. Now I'm gonna ask you one more time," grabbing the expressionless woman with his convulsing arms, "Give me the twenty percent dis—" Getting cut off by a broom hitting him in the head, held by a bearded man with two curled horns coming from his head.

"Hey, watch it!"

"Pardon my clumsiness, just doing my job."

"I don't care don't do i—" Punched in the face the same woman employee, that knocked him to the ground.

"I'll k—" Making himself quite as he watched several more employees walking closer to him. "What do you guys want? I was just talking about a discount."

The employees began kicking and spitting on him as they ignored the tentacle man cries of mercy. Only stopping when the bearded man came with a flat-screen tv and threw it on him.

"Haha, good work guys get this trash out of here, hate beggars."

Witnessing all of this Johnathan realized that this was not a store ran by employees, but a den of thugs, and attempted to escape before he became their next victim. This was stopped by the presence of confused employees staring down him down as he tried to scurry away like a rat. He prayed that they would ignore him and let him be, but those fell on deaf ears. Looking back at the employees he sees the bearded man approaching him saying, "You must be Mr. Hawk younger brother here to work. Always nice to see young people do some type of labor. Well go in the back we'll talk there, and don't step on the cracks, we're already had several people be sucked down there." He said as he walked away eating a piece of a tentacle.

Now knowing the frontlines would have been easier death, Johnthan cursed himself for his stupidity; forcing himself to accept his new fate and job.

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