Revised List
1) Dr. Bright is not allowed to feed anything with peanut butter to Kain.
2) Telling new researchers that you can tame 682 with a rolled up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out.
3) No longer allowed to challenge Able to unwinnable games like tic-tac-toe. It was three weeks before Able conceded a draw.
4) SCP-018 is not to be taunted!
5) Giving 113 to Diogenes is just plain pointless.
6) Attempting to disprove 343, to 343, is a horrible idea. Agents are still studying the resulting paperweight, supposedly so heavy that 343 should not be able to lift it.
7) While it is true that "No one expects the Brightish Inquisition!", that is only because there is no such thing.
8) Dr. Bright is not king of anywhere.
8.1) Neither is he queen of anywhere. Additionally, Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-113.
9) SCP-399 is not a "Green Lantern Ring".
9.1) Nor is it a Red, Orange, Yellow, Blue, Indigo, Violet, Black or White Lantern Ring SCP-399 is not any type of Power Ring. (We don't care how many colors you paint the bloody thing, Bright.)
10) SCP-963 is not to be used for recreational or procreational purposes.
11) SCP-963 is not to be used to instigate Harpy "Cockfights" no matter how high the betting stakes.
12) Although it is entirely possible to use SCPs currently under control of the Foundation to create tentacle monsters, no.
12.1) Not even if Dr. Palmer asks nicely.
13) There is no market for SCP brand pornography.
13.1) No, not even in Germany.
13.2) It probably would generate a great deal of revenue if sold in Japan but still, 682 on Iris, Jesus Christ man.
14) You cannot give the command "Strip" with SCP-061.
15) Should not replace the buckshot in Dr. Clef's shotgun shells with any of the following: birdseed, confetti, cake sprinkles, sawdust, or sexual lubricant.
16) Should not replace Dr. Rights' lamp with a "novelty" lamp shaped like a marital aid.
17) The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for dealing with containment failures from horrible eldritch artifacts sold by Marshall, Carter, and Dark.
18) Lacing SCP-408's feed with LSD.
18.1) No, especially if Dr. Kondraki is around.
19) Come in contact with foreskins or foreskin-related paraphernalia.
19.1) Yes, this means he has to be circumcised. Every time.
20) Dr. Bright must never come in contact with anyone under the age of 18. Let him contact them. It's the only way they'll learn. Just because it is a learning experience, does not mean anyone needs to come in contact with Bright.
21) It is inadvisable to leave Dr. Bright without guards near a fire alarm for more than six seconds. Results can be catastrophic (see Containment Breach Report #████ for an example).
22) Any requests by Dr. Bright to utilize SCP-212 for enhancement are to be denied, due to several requests being submitted with the research goal stated as "to stick my privets in it and hope for the best."
22.1) Dr. Bright is now approved to do testing on SCP-212 with Ligustrum vulgare. Do not be fooled, his cries of disappointment are actually squeals of joy.
23) Victims of SCP-217 are not toys.
24) Dr. Bright is not allowed to bargain with personnel for their "souls" if they are unaware of SCP-158.
25) Don't let Dr. Bright get a sample of SCP-379. Let my laptop be the last victim.
26) Not allowed to go off my medication.
27) Not allowed to pretend I have any medication to be on.
28) May not use any form of the word 'accident' as an excuse.
29) Violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.
29.1) No matter how many times you say please, Dr. Bright, we won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.
30) If an SCP file says never to do something, it is not because we want to control your mind. Yes it is.
30.1) No, it's not, and Dr. Bright may not edit this document.
31) SCP-437 is not to be handed out as weaponry to unsuspecting new researchers.
32) Not to misinform Dr. Laugher as to SCP-260's location. Oh, wait, that's no longer applicable. Not to misinform ANYONE of SCP-260's location.
33) [DATA REDACTED ON 05 REQUEST]. Not even for recreational use.
34) Not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam email to the Church of the Broken God.
35) Not allowed to lead a Mobile Task Force against the UIU under any circumstances. without inviting Dr. Clef at all. In fact, just stay 500 feet away from any Mobile Task Force at all times.
36) Not allowed to end reports with lyrics from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air".
36.1) But is allowed to end with lyrics from the Safety Dance.
37) SCP-963 is not a joy buzzer.
38) If a mind controlling SCP is discovered, it is to be turned over to the proper authorities. It is not to be used to advance himself or others higher in the Foundation. Kondraki
38.1) Taking said mind controlling SCP to a strip club or Vegas shall be right out.
39) Dr. Bright is NOT: A superhero of any sort, Head of Public Relations, in charge of Orientation for new staff, a doctor of psychology, a member of Site Command, made out of bacon, in possession of a IQ over 300, Head of SCP Review, or a member of Maintenance Staff. (Sorry boys, Dr. Bright IS a member of Site Command. It's usually best not to ask why.)
40) No longer allowed to make up jodies for morning calisthenics.
40.1) Yes, this includes The Mickey Mouse Club song.
41) Dr. Bright is not allowed to apply SCP-963 to any major political figures. Again.
42) Dr. Bright is not from an alternate timeline.
42.1) Dr. Bright cannot override orders to "preserve the timeline".
43) Dr. Bright cannot plan activities with Dr. Iceberg.
43.1) Dr. Iceberg is not allowed to make edits to files while drunk.
44) Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge anyone to a duel, and then give them SCP-572.
45) Dr. Bright is not allowed near SCP-5555-J in any way or any excuse. Remember what the miniature version did to Dr. L██████.
46) Dr. Bright no longer allowed use of thimbles in any aspect.
47) Dr. Clef and Dr. Bright are not allowed to interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.
47.1) Dr. Kondraki does not count as a responsible administrator.
48) Chainsaws are not the solution to every question.
48.1) Nor is 'More Chainsaws'.
48.2) Or "Chainsaw cannons"
49) SCP speed dating never happened. Any one who claims to remember such an event should report to Site Command for administration of Class A amnesiac.
50) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use any SCP to alter or affect the outcomes of any reality based television shows, including but not limited to Survivor, Big Brother, Hell's Kitchen, American Idol, or any dating show on VH1.
50.1) Not even if Dr. Rights asks nicely.
51) Not allowed to give SCP-454 to Iceberg. We need that man doing paperwork!
52) [REDACTED], [REDACTED] hard.
53) Dr. Bright is not allowed to take SCP-278 out on joyrides.
54) Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer spankings to Dr. Rights as punishment, as it only causes more rules to be broken.
54.1) Dr. Rights is not allowed to spank the monkey.
55) Dr. Bright is not allowed to "review Dr. Rights' office security tapes".
55.1) Neither is he allowed to have a live feed of Dr. Rights' office in his computer. Too late.
56) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-821 to make 'kick me' signs.
57) No hitting on girls at the dyke bar, no matter the sex of the body he may be in.
58) SCP-288 is not an appropriate Valentine's Day gift.
59) SCP-082 is not to be given song requests, especially not "Like A Virgin".
60) "Accidentally" spilling green gelatin on a dead body in the presence of the O5 was funny exactly once, and the smell of excrement exuding from O5-2's khakis spoiled the moment.
61) Leave supposedly used condoms floating in SCP-827.
62) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to utter the phrase "More than 1,000 babies" in the presence of any SCP personnel.
63) Nothing in the Foundation is rated 'Over 9000.'
64) Stop posting classified information on 4-chan.
64.1) Attempting to get around this restriction by using SCP-062 is rather explicitly frowned upon.
65) Call Site-17 security staff, screaming that SCP-110 has escaped.
66) No using SCP-705 for personal gain.
66.1) Or to plant monitoring equipment.
66.2) And absolutely no giving them tons of extra playdough 'just to see what they can make.' That Mecha was damned annoying!
66.3) No telling them that Dr. Rights' underwear drawer is a 'strategic ambush position'. As a matter of fact, no telling ANYTHING that Dr. Rights' delicates drawer is a strategic ambush position. Nothing in there has any strategic value, Bright.
66.4) Dr. Bright is not to explain his definition of strategic value, ever again. Anyone found asking will be terminated.
67) If it involves doing something wrong, it isn't right.
68) If Dr. Bright has to ask, it's above his clearance level.
69) Dr. Bright is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing or person.
70) A stripper a day keeps the doctor away. Dr. Bright is not allowed to contribute to this list. Besides, ██% of Foundation staff have their Ph.D. It'd take more than one stripper to keep them away.
70.1) Strike that last sentence. Dr. Bright, I don't know where you found a 300 lb, midget stripper with three teeth and severely disfiguring [DATA EXPUNGED], but please put her him it back.
71) There are no authorized experiments attempting to give Dr. Bright 105's ability. He would only use it for evil.
71.1) Even if it would save the Foundation thousands of dollars a year. See 72.
72) Foundation credit cards or expense accounts are not to be used to purchase pornography.
73) Dr. Bright is not a "marital aid" and cannot refer to himself as such. Especially on official documents.
74) Dr. Bright is not the Lord of Rodly Might.
74.1) And is hereby banned from playing Dungeons and Dragons making use of SCPs to 'simulate the real danger.'
75) 2girls1cup is not an appropriate screen saver to be applied to all work stations.
76) Dr. Bright is not allowed to go to fan conventions.
76.1) Let alone use them as recruitment drives.
76.2) Especially not at Furry Conventions.
77) Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell Dr. Dumount that he is a humanoid SCP.
77.1) Nor is he allowed to convince Dr. Dumount to repeatedly attempt to terminate him.
78.) Dr. Bright is not allowed to dare anyone to kiss SCP-562.
79) When writing a report, more detail is expected than "Object class: Keter. Special Containment Procedures: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Description: [DATA EXPUNGED]."
79.1) And inventing new security clearances just so nobody can see what you've written is also considered poor form.
80) Showing Monty Python episodes to SCP-239 was not a wise decision. Please never try this with any other reality warping SCP.
81) "For the Emperor" is not an acceptable justification for any decision.
82) "My evil twin did it" is no longer considered a viable excuse.
82.1) Nor is "My good twin did it," considering the implications.
83) Yes, forum trolls are annoying. No, they don't automatically become D-class personnel.
84) Not allowed to lace 'orgasm muffins' with Ex-lax. Again.
85) Dr. Bright is not allowed to send e-mails with memetic hazards attached.
85.1) Not even when replying to spam.
86) SCP-310 is not to be used on birthday cakes.
87) The "Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" is not grounds to pit more than fifteen combative SCPs, including SCP-682 and Able, against each other.
87.1) "Weeding out some of these angsty teens with attitude problems," however, is.
88) Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer 'Free Hugs', nor an act called 'Surprise █████████'. Dr. Deans is still in therapy.
89) Asking a person to put a label over 616 that reads "New Jersey" is a 682-duty offence.
90) Not allowed to kick SCP-2558-J.
90.1) Not allowed to play dodgeball with SCP-2558-J.
91) Any proposal which includes the phrase 'Metric Fuck Load' is straight out denied.
91.1) This goes triple if the proposal includes SCP-705.
92) Instances of SCP-2558-J-Ex are not to be spooked when being held by members of O5. No instances of SCP-2558-J should be anywhere near an O5, let alone SCP-2558-J-Ex.
93) Covering yourself with a sheet, hiding behind the curtain in the Researcher Lounge at night, and jumping out yelling “OOGA BOOGA BOOGA” is never appropriate. Nor is laughing hysterically for over an hour at the poor agent you scared, who threw his chair through the window before running out and calling a lockdown. We get enough of this shit at our jobs. Are you kidding? That was hilarious. No it was not.
94) The Foundation motto is "Secure, Contain, Protect", not any of the following:
- "Stab Carrion Powerfully"
- "Suck Cock and Penis"
- "Let's use it on 682!"
- "That's it, you're on Keter."
- "Can we put it in 914?"
- "Blood makes the grass grow, kill, kill, kill!"
- "Rights panties!"
- "Fuck trees, I climb clouds motherfucker!"
- "Someone is getting stabbed."
- "Let's just stick our dicks in it and hope for the best."
- "Whose hand is that?"
- "If all else fails, poop on it."
- "If all else fails, there's always the sun."
- "Show it your tits, Rights!"
- "We need bigger kittens."
- "Society of Creepy Perverts."
- "Fuck Death, War, Famine and Pestilence. We've got Clef, Gears, Kondraki and Bright."
- "Throw D-Class at it until it stops."
- "447 and dead bodies, two great tastes that taste great together."
- "The FBI are a bunch of pansies."
- "Who wants to see what I can make the president do in public?"
- "For the Horde!"
- "Science for the Science God!"
- "Make sure to wipe your feet on 2558!"
- "When in doubt, feed it to 682."
- "Slapstick, Clowns and Puns"
- "Drop the blanket now!"
- "Seduction, Coitus, and Pregnancy"
- "We always need more Dakka!"
- "Still Alive, and Found the Cake"
- "Don't Worry, O5 won't ever figure it out!"
- "Will it blend?"
- "Commies love us!"
95) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to play "Hippocratic Oath Chicken" with the medical staff.
96) A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."
97) Pranks placed into new staff's desks are not funny because they "Liquefied in record time."
98) Attempts to use Foundation radio telescopes to contact omniscient and omnipotent extraterrestrial entities will result in a bill for any damage to local space-time, including the cost of demoting objects to dwarf planet status.
99) Despite his title, Dr. Bright is not allowed to prescribe any medication to other staff members.
99.1) In light of "The Enema Incident", Dr. Bright is not allowed to prescribe homeopathic or alternative therapies either. Please report all such incidents to O5 command.
100) Not allowed to use this list as a check list.
101) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to offer the solution of "Use more guns" to any problem.
101.1) Just because it works in an alternate universe does not mean it works in ours.
102) Despite what he may say and any evidence, no matter how plausible, the SCP Foundation has never and will never be associated with Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and regardless of what Dr. Bright may say, he is not, and I quote, "A real life wizarding tutor." And we ask him to stop showing us his "wand".
102.1) Nor is he a Vampire. That was body glitter and bad acting.
102.2) And despite what the computer file on him may say, he is not Muad'dib. The spice can flow just fine without him.
103) The "Tamlin House School of Witchcraft and Wizardry" is just a plain bad idea.
104) Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that Dr. Rights is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of her breasts under laboratory conditions.
105) SCP-173 and SCP-974 are not allowed in the same room.
105.1) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed near any photocopier.
106) If Dr. Bright is ever found under the influence of any recreational substance, he must immediately be contained under level 15 containment. If you want to know why, please refer to the security tapes for ██/██/████ between the hours of ██:██ am and ██:██ pm.
106.1) If Dr. Bright is found deliberately getting high to get out of paperwork, he is to be placed in a Type 4 cell and hosed down with cold water from a pressurised hose for no less than 5 minutes. Maybe this will teach you that drugs are bad m'kay?
107) Cthulhu and R'lyeh are not valid reasons to send Pandora's Box out and into the Pacific Ocean in order to capture them. Furthermore, these are not even SCPs, and do know I will find the person who decided to enter a database file for them.
108) Dr. Bright is not allowed to upload visual memetic kill agents to 4chan 7chan any imageboard.
108.1) Well, okay, maybe to 4chan. It'd be doing the gene pool a service.
109) Dr. Bright cannot change the standard issue D-Class uniform to black pants with a red polo shirt.
110) Spending an hour harassing observing Dr. Chapter does not make Dr. Bright an accredited hypnotherapist.
111) No matter how many times he may claim it, no matter how many uniforms we may confiscate, and no matter how many oriental people we have to terminate as his host, Dr. Bright is not a ninja, nor has he ever been.
111.1) No. Not even if he uses SCP-281 to do it.
112) There are no security codes for:
- Zombie conga line
- Badass hat
- Vampire can-can
- Disco corpse
- Intense homoeroticism (I do not want to know…)
- Hoo mama
- Necrophilia (I do NOT want to know!)
- Extreme crotch violence
- Man disguised as a palm tree
- Man with porn 'stache
- Kung fu rasta
- Puppy-eating monks
- Justifiable homicide of all you dumb ass mother humpers.
- Bright Family Reunion (Code Brown. Find a place to hide, and make sure you leave an offering of booze outside your door.)
- Dr. Kondraki beach party.
113) Just because Bright is a doctor does not mean that he is the Doctor, no matter how many British men he possesses.
113.1) No, SCP-963 is not proof against this.
113.2) Nor is any structure that results from placing SCP-184 inside of a police call box.
113.3) Tying up female members of the staff and calling them "companions" is right out.
114) SCP-610 does not need to "Spawn more overlords."
114.1) Nor is it "A monument to all our sins."
114.2) Dr. Bright is not allowed to keep any SCP-610 infested entities as pets
114.3) Dr. Bright is not allowed to "feed" SCP-610.
115) While humour can be an effective way to improve staff morale, it is highly inappropriate to make "Your mum" jokes in the vicinity of SCP-597.
116) Dr. Bright may not classify any researcher, including himself, as a memetic hazard.
117) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to accept or use the following as payment for bets:
- Your soul
- Anyone else's soul
- Virgin's blood
- Reproductive organs
- SCPs
- Memories (real or imagined)
- Pieces of your past I have no idea how that worked with Clef, but apparently he can do it.
- The island of Manhattan
- Beads
- Firstborn children
- Second-born children
- Red-headed stepchildren
- Gold spun from straw
- A child's laughter
- A child's tears
- Virginity
- Anal virginity
- Aural Virginity
- Nasal Virginity (I do NOT want to know!)
- Ponies
- Anyone's grandmother
- Anyone's sister
118) No matter how many times he photoshops himself into a picture of SCP-682, and no matter how many Australians he possesses, Bright is not, and never was, the "Crocodile Hunter".
118.1) Nor does every SCP/D-Class "really hate it when you jam your thumb up their bum.
118.2) And he is not allowed to do that "Right naow!"
118.3) Claiming to survive the detonation of an SCP-2558-J-Ex does not make him a lion tamer, either.
119) As funny as Incident 387/682-██ was, Dr. Bright is not allowed unsupervised access to SCP-387. Agents are still trying to figure out how an animate model of 682 was so invulnerable, despite being made of just plastic blocks.
120) Not allowed to feed SCP-184 to SCP-682.
121) Dr. Bright is not allowed to make the existence of "The Beatles™: Rock Band™" known to SCP-043, following Incident 043-C. Dr. ██████, who devised the method of feeding SCP-043 an amnesiac, is still in a coma.
122) Dr. Bright is not allowed to goad other personnel into putting semen into SCP-107.
122.1) Nor is he allowed to cajole personnel into putting SCP-447-2 into SCP-107.
122.2) Not even as the centerpiece of a vegetable platter for a Super Bowl party.
122.3) Nor is he allowed to put in any amount of pure capsaicin.
123) No matter how much it might 'improve morale' among Foundation personnel, Dr. Bright is not allowed to experiment with SCP-335 discs 1-12 and SCP-713 in order to copy/paste Sasha Grey.
123.1) Nor is he allowed to paste images of 173 in offices, hallways, closets, or bathroom stalls when he doesn't get his way.
124) Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new researchers experimenting on SCP-168 to divide by zero, find the square root of negative one or find the last digit of pi using the SCP. Dr. ██████ is still comatose, and 168 itself is quite displeased with the event.
125) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use examples from Star Trek when administering Turing tests to artificial intelligences of any sort. In fact, Rule 20 applies to AIs as well. Computer hardware does not grow on trees, dammit!
125.1) Using SCP-038 to disprove the above is right out.
126) Dr. Bright is not allowed to plant SCP-2383-J into science labs. We're still picking up complaints from the office of Stephen Hawking.
126.1) No, not even for the good of "SCIENCE"
126.2) Or even as "Science for the Science God". Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to himself as such either.
127) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-587 to re-enact the locker scene from Men In Black, nor play Godzilla with its inhabitants.
127.1) Nor is he allowed to set himself up as a god to them.
127.2) Testing between SCP-786 and SCP-587 is also banned. "David and Goliath" scenarios are just as harmful to its inhabitants as the Godzilla incident.
128) Dr. Bright is not allowed to play SCP-682 any Uwe Boll movies.
128.1) The same goes for The Room.
128.2) And Troll 2.
128.3) And Manos: The Hands of Fate Dr. Bright is not allowed to show SCP-682 ANY bad movies.
129) Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new researchers that typing "01100110011011110111001001101101011000010111010000 100000011000110011101001011100 0010000000101111010100010010111101011000" in a text file and renaming it "079.exe" will give them complete control over SCP-079.
130) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-559 with one candle in order to [DATA EXPUNGED] attempted breast-feeding incident.
130.1) In fact, let's just amend that to 'Dr. Bright is not allowed to be breast-fed. Period'.
131) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-826 on Pornography.
132) Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim SCP-014-J has "Breached Containment" and then leave a dining fork in the hallway.
133) Dr. Bright is not O5-█-J. No such position exists at this time.
134) Dr. Bright is not allowed to give SCP-239 a copy of any Harry Potter books.
135) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-141 to give people parking tickets.
136) Dr. Bright is not allowed to send anything into the past, future, or to alternate dimensions. That includes Dr. ████.
137) Dr. Bright may not attempt to have other Foundation employees who he dislikes terminated by accusing them of being another one of himself.
138) Dr. Bright may not put "A cup of orgasm" from SCP-294 through SCP-914 on the Very Fine setting.
138.1) Dr. Bright may not use SCP-294 to create a "cup of memetic orgasm" and use it on worldwide television.
138.2) Dr. Bright is not permitted to use SCP-294 to create orgasms of any kind, memetic, sentient or otherwise.
138.3) Given the results of requesting a cup of "Dear God No", Dr.Bright is no longer allowed to use SCP-294 directly or outside of approved testing.
138.4) Given that he asked another staff member to request a "Cup of Explodium" from SCP-294 to "see what would happen", Dr Bright is not allowed to ask other staff members to access SCPs for him, no matter how instructive, funny or helpful the results would be. The only exception to this is SCP-963.
139) Following the events of Incident 285-██, Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-285. The staff do not want to be "Rick-rolled", Bright.
140) As of Aug ██, ████, 8PM, Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to explain "The Healing Power of Laughter".
141) Dr. Bright is not allowed to make, accept, or take a rake-off on, bets concerning XK-class End-of-the-World Scenarios.
142) Dr. Bright is not licensed to administer "sexual healing".
143) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed access to SCP-732 infected documents along with SCP-239. MTF-Lambda-2 has been dispatched to contain "Chowderclef".
144) Dr. Bright is not allowed to organize, authorize, or create in any form, a "Foundation Demolition Derby, starring SCPs 2383-J, 708, 666-J, 2558-J, 1543-J, 2041-J, 2103-J, 968, 462, 115, and 225 for the grand finale" No.. just no. Not even if you try to throw in 682 trying to disguise it as a termination attempt.
145) Dr. Bright is not allowed to get on the PA system at site 19 and announce that he just won The Game.
145.1) You know what, Dr. Bright is just never allowed on the PA system for any reason, ever.
146) Dr. Bright is not allowed to request access to all cubical SCPs to make a fort of any kind.
147) Dr. Bright is not allowed to order anyone to infiltrate "the Fortress of Regret".
147.1) On a similar note, Dr. Bright is not allowed to order anyone to infiltrate the women's locker room.
148) Dr. Bright is not allowed to play "hot potato" with SCP-963.
149) Dr. Bright is not allowed to sell tickets to a cage match between Able, Cain and SCP—682.
150) Dr. Bright is not allowed to create pornography of SCP-071
150.1) Strike that, Dr. Bright is not allowed to create pornography of anything, ever.
150.2) Contrary to what he may tell you "I'm the physical manifestation of Rule 34" is not a sufficient reason for creating pornography of any kind. Including pornography of pornography. We know about the 2girls1cup pornography incident and it was glorious. No it was not.
151) We don't care HOW may O5's agree to it and how many precedents there are, Dr Bright is not allowed a pet SCP.
152) "It was made of Explodium" is not a valid excuse for any sort of detonation.
153) Dr. Bright is not allowed to combine a cadaver infected with SCP-008 with SCP-217.
154) Dr. Bright is not allowed to limit SCP-191 to opening and closing non-essential doors under the pretense of creating "the holy grail of cybernetics".
155) The Foundation will refuse any proposition to reclassify SCP-008 as "The Zed Word." No matter how many researchers you blackmail, Bright.
156) Dr.'s Bright and Clef are no longer allowed to engage in research any activity involving 40 gallons more than a pound any amount of superballs.
156.1) Also, the aforementioned are not to convince blackmail compel D-Class personnel anybody into conducting such activities for them.
157) Dr. Bright is not allowed to request SCP-909 to write down "The Things Dr Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation is created".
157.1) Nor is he allowed to request SCP-909 to write down "O5-█ has forbidden Dr. Bright from asking SCP-909 to write down 'The Things Dr Bright Is Not Allowed To Do At The Foundation is created'".
157.2) Nor is he allowed to request SCP-909 to write down "O5-██ has forbidden Dr. Bright from requesting SCP-909 to wri Let's just keep Dr. Bright away from SCP-909 - O5-██
157.3) "Challenge Accepted" is not a valid excuse to breach SCP-909 containment. for anything.
158) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-504 at Carrot Top ANY stand-up shows.
159) Dr Bright is not allowed to lease out SCP-002, even especially if he includes the option to buy.
160) Dr. Bright is not allowed to dress up as Joseph Stalin and ambush Agent Strelnikov in the hallways.
160.1) Actually, Dr. Bright shouldn't be allowed to dress up as any Communist dictator, there's no way it could end well.
161) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to pretend to be SCP-732.
161.1) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to pretend to be SCP-423.
161.2) SCP-423 is not allowed access to this list.
162) There is no such thing as "Mobile Task Force Baby 69"
162.1) And even if it did exist its nickname would not be "Rights' Panties" and its job would not be to "React to and cease all Site breaches".
163) Dr. Bright is not to be allowed access to the cafeteria menu more than a day six hours in advance.
163.1) Scratch that, Dr Bright is not to be allowed access to the cafeteria menu at all, nor is he to get anyone else to access it for him, directly or indirectly.
164) Dr. Bright is not allowed to perform experiments regarding SCP-546 again. The last experiment performed involved having several D-class write [DATA EXPUNGED] in all capital letters. Nobody wants to hear that even once, Bright.
164.1) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to use SCP-546 to rickroll the staff convince security to lock down Site 19 mass insult Dr. ██████ at all.
165) Dr. Bright is not allowed to introduce small children to the "the Giving Tree."
166) Dr. Bright is not allowed to 'borrow' SCP-159 for his office.
167) Dr. Bright is not allowed to replace the recreational area TV with SCP-263
168) Dr. Bright is not allowed near any carbonated beverages while in possession of Mentos-branded mints. The last time that happened he somehow managed to cause an earthquake in the east cost of the United States. Dr. Bright is not allowed to claim responsibility for earthquakes and other natural disasters unless he is actually responsible for them.
169) Dr. Bright is not allowed to dare new personnel to play 'peek-a-boo' with SCP-569
169.1) Nor is Dr. Bright allowed to dare new personnel to play 'peek-a-boo' with SCP-173
170) When ordering things online, send them to PO Box ████ and not directly to Site 19. We've already had three postmen show up at the front door. (How did they even find us?) Dr. Bright is not to give directions to Site 19 to non-Foundation personnel.
170.1) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to give navigational directions to Site 19 anywhere, even especially to Foundation personnel.
171) The SCP Foundation does not have any such position as "Chief Defenestrator".
172) Any proposed containment procedure that includes the phrase "Giant Robot" is to be automatically rejected.
173) Excessive force is not the same as the Force, therefore using it does not make Dr. Bright a Jedi.
174) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-914 to craft items from Team Fortress 2.
175) Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell future hosts that "You are about to become very Bright".
175.1) And he can't tell anyone that "Possession is nine-tenths of the law".
175.2) Dr. Bright is not allowed to refer to D-class personnel as "extra lives".
176) Dr. Bright is not allowed to send SCP-1004 over an email message.
177) No matter the electricity savings, no product of SCP-158 is to be used for illumination.
178) SCP-001 is not Dr. Bright's penis.
179) Dr. Bright possesses the ability of consciousness transfer and the artifact SCP-963. He does not possess any of the following:
- "laser" eyes.
- "laser" nostrils.
- "laser" [REDACTED].
- a Green Red ANY Lantern Ring.
- an "adamantium" skeleton.
- Anduril.
- Mjolnir.
- a map leading to "ALL OF THE NAZI GOLD".
- the "Ancient" medallion
- cybernetic implants of any kind.
- the "Dragonzord".
- the 7th Element of Harmony.
- infallible "gaydar".
- infallible "jewdar"
- the touch.
- the power.
- telepathy.
- telekinesis.
- the original filming model of any fictional spacecraft.
- 1337 H4x00r sKi11z.
- extra [REDACTED].
180) Dr. Bright is not allowed to force Agent Anderson to break kosher diet laws.
180.1) Dr. Bright is not allowed to sneak ham into Agent Anderson's meals.
180.2) Dr. Bright is not allowed to fill Agent Anderson's [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] car with pigs.
181) If Dr. Bright's current form is sighted near an armory without express permission, initiate Evacuation Procedure ███-██.
182) Dr. Bright is not allowed to test SCP-826 with his self-authored comic book entitled "Dr. Bright and the 79 Virgins."
182.1) Dr. Bright is not allowed to test SCP-826 with Playboy magazines.
182.2) Dr. Bright is not allowed to test SCP-826, period.
183) Due to the events of █/█/██, Dr. Bright is forbidden from any activity involving salmon, especially during the menstrual periods of female staff.
184) #%^&@Dr. Bright iz a genius! Second best only to meh! he & I are buds lolz!#$%^
184) Dr. Bright is not allowed to give SCP-732 access to this document.
184.1) Dr. Bright is not allowed to give any SCP access to this document without O5 Approval.
185) Dr. Bright is not allowed to tell new D-Class personnel that SCP-439 has escaped into the barracks.
186) Dr. Bright is not allowed to convince other personnel that they are actually Dr. Bright.
187) Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge SCP-082 to a drinking contest. (Even if he's positive he can win).
188) We have never had a Jamaican Vacation Giveaway, Dr. Bright is not in charge of it, and SCP-342 is not the official Foundation Travel Voucher.
189) Dr. Bright is not allowed access to SCP-243 except under strict supervision. I think we all remember the great marital-aid migration of 2011.
190) Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge Dr. Gerald to a race involving any sort of vehicle. Dr. Bright is not allowed to challenge Dr. Gerald to a race involving anything.
191) Dr. Bright is not allowed to try and capture SCP-899 using SCP-490 .
192) Dr.Bright is not allowed to access the IT department hotline Access the IT department database Access any networking equipment belonging to the IT department.
193) SCP-2041-J is a privilege, not a right.
194) Not to bring samples of SCP-1361 to Foundation potlucks, barbeques, or charity food drives.
195) Never, ever, ever allowed to even know about SCP-1231. Ever.
196) SCP-963 is not a 'soul gem', and despite what he might say, making a contract with Dr. Bright will not turn you into a 'magical girl'.
196.1) Not even if he includes a 'magical girl outfit'.
197) Not allowed to place SCP-1550 eggs in Dr. ██████'s ██ toy drawer.
197.1) Or in a bathtub filled with chocolate pudding.
197.2) And definitely not in SCP-1049-J.
197.3) On second thought, Dr. Bright is not to be allowed contact with SCP-1550 at all.
198) SCP-137 is never to be used on sex toys.
198.1) Under no circumstances allowed to expose SCP-137 to Warhammer 40K minifigures. Again. Not even in an attempt to terminate SCP-682 by having it fight a [DATA EXPUNGED]
198.2) Or anything made by Wondertainment.
199) Wondertainment items are thematically based on children toys. Not sexual toys.
200) Not allowed to have Able get into arguments with forum trolls.
201) Dr. Bright is not allowed to go trick-or-treating, ever.
202) Able is not Kratos.
202.1) Dr. Bright is not allowed to expose SCP-137 to God of War figurines.
203) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to produce, create or remind staff of "SCP Robot Wars".
204) Not allowed to introduce SCP-682 to SCP-1370.
205) Copies of SCP-1981 are not to be submitted to "America's Funniest Home Videos".
205.1) Or posted on YouTube.
205.2) Or on YouPorn.
205.3) Dr. Bright is not allowed to access SCP-1981 under any circumstances.
206) Dr. Bright is not allowed to "Just Say No!" to O5 orders on the grounds that they are instances of SCP-5200-J.
206.1) Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to O5 Command MTF commanders the Janitor any Foundation personnel as "the cool kids".
207) Dr. Bright is not the "final boss" of anything.
208) Dr. Bright has not "won the internet" and is not authorized to declare that any other individual has done so.
209) Dr. Bright is not to show junior staffers his 'cutie mark'.
