Toa_Vine's Bistro of the Anomalous
rating: +40+x

You enter the restaurant. The ambiance is dim and dark enough to be classy. You can hear the low murmuring of other patrons. There is a hint of foreign spices in the air.

You are approached by a maître d'. His hair is slicked back, and his mustache is sharp enough to cut the air. He gestures towards you.

"Table pour une?"

Indeed. In your best French, you reply.

"Oui."

After sitting you down, he hands you a single paged menu. You read the front.

Toa_Vine's vintage wines (SCPs).

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SCP-3196 - The Adventures of Rex Dangerly
A flavorful Chardonnay, hailing from parts (and times) unknown! Witness our hero Rex combat aliens, his former allies, and even time-space itself! May contain pulp.

SCP-3598 - Bishop's Glen Memorial Park
Located in scenic Ohio, Bishop's Glen has all sorts of wonderful activities for the whole family. Just mind your step. This Riesling pairs well with any dry dish, and should provide a light, but impactful flavor.

http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4014

[The staff regrets to inform you that the current wine selection is incomplete. We are working tirelessly to bring you the best from all over the world. This menu should expand itself, hopefully in the future.]

You flip the menu over. There's a large stain of something covering part of it. You take a sniff.

Ravioli.

You read.

Dinning Menu (Tales and other Documents)

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An Unusual Incident - A medium rare steak, containing horror, action, and everyone's favorite under-prepared paranormal governmental organization. Served with frites.

August 19, 2035 - Rigatoni pasta served with a hearty veal sauce. Spiced with limited metaphysics, [data redacted] and a vague end-of-the-world-scenario!

Silence Is Not a Valid Answer - The head chef's special. May contain emotions, various components of a headcanon, and Pepsi. Guaranteed to be delicious.

Project Proposal 1994-357: "A Still Life" - A home cooked meal, just like grandma used to make.

As you debate your choices, you take a glance over near the back of the establishment. You can faintly overhear a woman arguing with a waiter; apparently her fourteen-cheese lobster bisque only contains twelve and a half cheeses.

Near the back you can see a portrait. The man depicted is so mediocre in appearance you forget what he looks like immediately. Maybe its anti-memetic?

You strain your eyes and can make out the information under the painting.

Bio

Name: Toa_Vine
Age: Older than I look
Nationality: Dutch-American

About me: Nothing. Seriously, I'm just an average dude.

Favorite movie: Hot Fuzz
Favorite show/anime: Full Metal Panic!
Favorite game: Persona 4 Golden

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