Trilobutts: Many Reasons To Kill Them, and 0 Reasons Not To
rating: +44+x

A moment passes in which nobody is obliterated with nuclear weapons, and the Book Keeper starts to relax.

"Thank you." it says. "Look, you're in a dream that's designed to keep you distracted! It's full of artificial, fake trilobites — trilobites that I created! Can't you see you've fallen into a trap?"

"Dude, what?"


"Come on, man. I'm a trilobite hunter. This is what I do."

"Exactly! These trilobites aren't real! They're—"

You silence it with a bullet to the mouth. It recoils in pain.

"I am Gunhead Anomalocaris, Trilobite Slayer! I slay trilobites no matter what ailment they may be afflicted with. Real, fiction, hypothetical, deceased, they all deserve to die because they are morally wrong and should not exist and I do not discriminate against any trilobite they all die!"

"…but… but they're fictional…"

"So? I've got a narrative cannon that's super-effective against fictional trilobites. I do what I want and you can't stop the hunt."

You swim away, awash with indignation, leaving the Book Keeper confused in your wake, quite satisfied with your fake world.

This was written as part of the SCP Original Character Tournament, Round One, between NatVoltaicNatVoltaic's Gunhead Anomalocaris, Trilobite Slayer! and my own Senior Researcher ████ ████████.

I highly recommend that you check out NatVoltaic's entry, Derailment By Prehistoric Artillery Strike, which is far better than my crude imitation!

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