Electronic copy below as per Federal Records Act
UIU File -: Codename "Amplifier"
Summary: An unknown piscine meme communicated by fish-to-fish interaction, providing affected fish with the ability to telepathically communicate.
Irregularity Cross-reference: Animal, Piscine, Memetic, Telepathic
Physical Description: Consistent with unaffected loaches of their species, sex, and age. Pangio kuhlii will be orange with black stripes, Misgurnus anguillicaudatus will be sensitive to barometric disturbances, so on and so forth.
Capabilities: Provides telepathy to loaches, such as Acantopsis dialuzona, Leptobotia elongata, Misgurnus anguillicaudatus, Pangio kuhlii, Pangio myersi, and Pangio oblonga. All loach species listed are common to the aquarium trade, and the three members of the Pangio genus are often kept together. Any loach can transmit the meme to any other loach, but often prefer to school with their own species, making cross-species transmission rare.
Modus Operandi: This meme is spread through loach-to-loach interaction, commonly when loaches are introduced to an aquarium, pet store, or pond. The affected loach will interact with other loaches, preferably of its own species, wildly wiggling its body and waving its barbels. The other loaches will observe this behavior, and begin to imitate it. After this interaction is completed, the meme has been transmitted, and the observing loaches are telepathic.
Behavior: Loaches under the effect of this meme primarily request food, more hiding places, more loaches, more tank space, and a reduction in tankmates which compete for their food. However, they are more alert to humanoids uninvolved in the maintenance of their aquaria, and will alert their primary caretaker to visitors. If visitors are not acknowledged as permitted, the telepathic alerts will grow "louder" and more widespread, up to a radius of 2m multiplied by the amount of loaches affected by the meme.
Tank of assorted members of the Pangio genus: A tank confiscated from the belongings of a suspect of multiple unrelated crimes, containing 14 kuhli loaches, 3 java loaches, and 8 giant kuhli loaches. Suspect had previously kept the fish in a 75 liter tank; tank was upgraded to 200 liters after complaints from the loaches.
Video of memetic transmission between two loaches: A security camera from a pet store in Rockville, Maryland recorded a full sequence of memetic transmission in their stock of weather loaches. The clearest sample has been retained by the department.
Found on the side of a weather loach tank in a fish store in Three Portlands. This image was purportedly able to prevent the spread of the loach meme, but only when affected weather loaches were exposed to the image.
Corpses of affected loaches: During a typical breaking-and-entering, a burglar encountered a tank of horseface loaches. The loaches promptly attempted to alert their caretaker, inciting the burglar to shoot the tank multiple times before fleeing the scene. Loach autopsies revealed no significant differences between affected and non-affected loaches.
Current Status: Affected loaches continue to appear in aquaria and pet stores.
Crimes: Not applicable, as animals cannot be charged with crimes. However, if applicable, the charges of chronic disruption of the peace and disorderly conduct would be applied.
Sentencing: Indefinite detention and community service.
History of UIU Action:
11/07/1997: A fish tank recently installed in the maternity ward of Montgomery General Hospital begins to request that passing nurses relocate the loaches to somewhere "less noisy," increasing in volume as nurses become distressed. Nurses contact the police to report a "talking fish" harassing them in the maternity ward. By the time agents are dispatched, the maternity ward has been evacuated due to loach loudness. Tank is confiscated by agents, witnesses are given non-disclosure agreements and placed under total surveillance.
05/27/2001: A burglar attempts to break into an apartment in Gresham, Oregon. The tenant's tank of horseface loaches begin screaming, causing the burglar to discharge his weapon into the tank multiple times before fleeing. The burglar is unable to escape the apartment complex before being affected by the screams of dying loaches. Police are called to the scene, and are immediately affected by the death screams of the loaches. The burglar is arrested. Federal agents are dispatched, arriving only after the loaches have expired. Conducted autopsies reveal no discrepancies between these loaches and non-telepathic horseface loaches. The tenant, an 85-year old woman by the name of Linh Nguyen, is interrogated on where she purchased the loaches. Mrs. Nguyen is revealed to be suffering from senility, and cannot answer the question. However, the home nurse, Mr. Dahal, explains that they were given to him as a gift by an unknown stranger. He explains that he chose to set up the tank after Mrs. Nguyen began to suffer from loneliness, and was unaware of their abnormal properties. Mrs. Nguyen and Mr. Dahal are released after signing non-disclosure forms, and placed under surveillance.
05/31/2001: Mr. Dahal alerts UIU agents to the presence of a replaced loach tank in Mrs. Nguyen's apartment. It is unclear how the tank was smuggled in and set up without the knowledge of agents or Mr. Dahal. The new loaches are confirmed to be affected by the same memetic effect. Mrs. Nguyen is permitted to retain her loaches as long as they do not cause a public disturbance.
02/14/2003: A novelty ramen shop in Three Portlands employs affected kuhli loaches to take the orders of customers. A customer attempting to leave without paying their bill is caught when all employed loaches begin screaming in unison. Restaurant is fined for the public disturbance.
05/04/2004: Due to persistent boredom resulting in detrimental behaviors, detained loaches are permitted to supplement their sentence with acts of community service, such as answering phone calls for UIU offices.
04/19/2009: A shop in Rockville, Maryland is discovered to have their entire applicable loach stock affected by the meme after an employee posts a YouTube video of peculiar loach behavior. Video is taken down under guise of a DMC violation. Loaches are confiscated and detained, and employees and owner are interrogated, forced to sign non-disclosure agreements, and placed under total surveillance. After investigation of store records, owner is arrested for account falsification and tax fraud. No records of any loach purchases were recovered.
06/24/2014: During an attempt to apprehend a suspect in multiple counts of murder, theft of animals, and other assorted crimes, agents discover a malnourished colony of multiple Pangio genus loaches in the garage that the suspect, codenamed Tachyglossa1, had been hiding in. Suspect is not apprehended, however, the loaches willingly provide information on Tachyglossa in return for a larger tank and community service privileges.