You want to know my name? Call me Smokey.
I keep law and order around these parts. Good thing I do, too. People have no respect for law and order these days, let me tell you. I've had to increase my patrol just to deal with the amount of lawbreaking and general disorder that happens around-
Hold on, there goes one now. Going 70 in a 55 mile zone, no less. Hold on, let me turn on some entertainment.
This one's a runner. Thinks he can outrun the law, does he? Let's just give him a little slack to make him think he can escape. It's like fishing, y'know. You've got to slack the line before you reel em in. Now I just speed up here, and boom! He's off the road.
Let's just see what he has to say for himself, shall we?
Sir, please step out of the ca-well, well, well. What do we have here.
Someone thinks he's a tough guy, don't you, speeding on my stretch of highway, trying to actually run away from me! The law! Now are you aware how fast you were going?
What? You weren't? Now that's just a filthy damn lie, son. I don't appreciate liars on this highway. Now sir, if you'll just lean against the car…
You have the right to remain silent.
You have the right to stop breaking the damn law.
Lodge a complaint? About me? Why, I don't think you want to do that, hoss.
This? This, boy, is called a hatchet. Not that I'd expect a city slicker like you to know what that is.
Now stand still.
You don't break the law on my highway, son. Maybe you'll be a lesson to the others who try to outsmart this Highway Patrolman.
I doubt it, though. They don't learn. They never do.
That's why I'm here.
Someone's got to keep the law 'round here, after all.