SCP-682 barreled down the hallway, its tail swinging to and fro like a Newton's cradle of thunderous destruction. Its roar turned the hallways into tremulous noise-affected goop as the staff of Kiryu Labs ran out into the hallway, being the only lab with the power to stop its rampage of devastating debilitation and destruction.
Mark Kiryu gawped at the reptile, which was currently feeding on the tattered remains of Abel for the seventy-sixth umpteenth time in a row today. He was currently wearing a turtleneck made out of the remains of butterflies. "Zyyyynn," he whined, "682's coming to kill my pot plant!" Just the very thought of his precious bamboo plant being defiled by such a disgusting creature threatened to make him bawl into his bamboo's stalky absorbency.
"Yes, Mark, I know," Zyn Kiryu sighed, brushing back her straight black hair in regulation with Foundation protocol.
"Hey, Zyn." Mark was currently wearing three jars as a hat, with three butterflies condensed into the one butterfly's position in spacetime. "Zyn, I'm wearing butterflies as a hat."
"Yes, Mark, I know."
"Aw, why do you have to be such an Overseer's girl?" Mark whined. "Can't you be more funny like me?"
Water gushed outside in a flood of Biblical proportions and continued flowing away from the main characters. Then 682 realised the set-up for a religious joke and left to go find the nearest Christian SCP. Mary-Sue Ann and Salah, though completely unrelated to the plot, somehow found their way into the tale using several kilograms of cocaine and thirteen rappers' worth of hundred dollar bills, and promptly left to go kill it. They failed.
"Hey. Hey Mark." Riven sidled up to Mark. "You know how Zyn isn't actually paying attention to you in the slightest?" he said, doing his best impression of Brock.
"You don't have to be so dino…" Riven put on the telekill goggles he had prepared earlier. "Sore about it."
Seventeen sloths and one Sophia Light somewhere in the Amazon died of spontaneous and simultaneous heart attacks and aneurysms, but that was completely unrelated to the pun.
"Look, guys, would you please shut up?" Zyn snapped, taking charge like the strong and dominant female protagonist she was. "We've got a serious containment breach on our hands, and making jokes isn't going to help us solve it."
"So then what do we do?" Riven asked. "Do we–"
"We have to do it." Zyn breathed a deep sigh. It would require her to breach containment, but for the good of the Foundation, she would do it.
With piercing emerald eyes she called forth a secret power that had been bestowed upon her by the SCP that had visited her in her dreams. Summoning the energy from deep within her core, she released a pulse of magic thaumic energy that awakened the god humanoid anomaly in the underground facility of Site 19.
[Transformation Theme from Yu-Gi-Oh! plays]
ATK: Ω DEF: Ω RANK: KETER
The crack of lightning striking the earth was heard even as Zyn's cold exterior shell was pierced with the power of such a strong force of irresistible dominance with severe character flaws that would curtail his supposed perfection.
"Wow," Riven sniggered, wiping snot from his nose. "Zyn, you really didn't need to get your breaches in a twis–"
Zyn promptly caused his testicles to ascend, before turning her awestruck gaze to Griffin's handsome but irreparably scarred features. "Griffin! I knew you would hear my call!" she said happily, glad of his presence in such a stressful time – before realising that she needed to maintain decorum around the s-stupid anomaly. "We've got an SCP-682 breach," she said coldly. Griffin's shoulders slumped.
"I'm aware, ma'am," he said ever-courteously, his amorality-colored cape flapping in the breeze let in through the giant cracks in Site 19's walls. "Only such a hideous being would be enough to put a scowl on your lovely face," he added, in the hope of someday impressing her. Maybe someday she'll return my affections?
"Are you hitting on me?" Zyn scowled and promptly butterfly-backhanded him, sending him collapsing to the floor. "Rule number 66-B: A professional distance must be maintained between all SCPs and researchers, idiot!"
Griffin saw the small hint of pink on her face, but quickly got up before a conveniently revealing wind could lift Zyn's professional grey skirt. His haemophilia would cause even the smallest nosebleeds to be fatal.
"Right. You don't have to remind me. But something tells me…" Griffin breathed in, channeling the Keter Field that penetrated and bound the Site, all in search for a particularly reptilian disturbance. "This threat is too big for me alone to handle."
"You're not implying…" Zyn paled. "You're not going to ask me to invoke it. Even just speaking the name of the Haiku–"
Somewhere in this tale, Dr. Xyank suddenly dropped out of thin air.
"Huh. I wondered where the I-beam went," he mused, before disappearing once again.
"–could cause irreparable damage to the space-time continuum and potentially result in a 3-Iota Class XK Event!" Zyn was completely taken aback by his flouting of the rules, and drew herself up to her most protocol-abiding height. "It's instrumental that I avoid unleashing my…"
Griffin held his hand up in silence. "But the threat of SCP-682 is too great for us to continue to abide by Foundation protocol. Even if it means breaking the rules, we have to work together. To overcome the crippling Achilles heel that would inevitably cause me to fail in a humiliating manner."
Zyn weighed up her options, but realised that she had no real choice. It was either this, or 682. And she would not let the Foundation down now. "Then it's now the time/to combine our true power/and thus save the hour," Zyn completed, invoking the Butterfly Haiku that would allow her to summon her true form as a divine kami. It had been bestowed to her by Dr. Kondraki after he had been killed in a cliffhanger some time ago, but she had imbued it in the most innocuous of noodle bowls ever since.
"We shall decommission… 682!" both parties yelled, invoking their ultimate powers.
A fearsome twang echoed throughout reality as their souls combined and seperated in a blast of gaudy colors and abominations that might've resembled an elder god's impression of "tasteful decor".
"I am become…" Zyn declared grandly, "the Kaiju Butterfly Ninja Master!" she shouted to the stars as a spiral beam of light dropped from the highest point in the heavens and was channeled through her body. As her mortal form disintegrated under the power, she held her metaphysical existence together with the power of determination as her eyes were opened to the godly form she had never dared take before – except in this time of need.
Immediately, her outfit wrapped around her, imbued with the ancestral power that had been passed down through the ages. From the blast of green minty camo smoke it released grew the wings of SCP-001 as Zyn ascended to her highest possible form – the Queen of Thaumiels, Kiryu Incarnate. The radiation of queenly elegance and sophistication nearly disintegrated Allison Chao, causing her to wail in mournful angst as she realised how hard she'd just been one-upped.
Griffin, meanwhile, screamed in blistering agony as his true anomalous nature was revealed. The pain his abilities caused them nearly overpowered him, but despite this, he remained strong, his eternally unrequited love for Zyn being the only thing that allowed him to endure it. With one final scream of distress, a giant sephiroth made of light was cut into the very valleys and folds of art and spacetime itself as the power of the semantic concept of Keter flowed through his veins, his arrythmia threatening to kill him at any second.
With a single look exchanged between Zyn's polychromatic eyes and Griffin's alcoholism-induced bloodshot ones, they turned their combined might on SCP-682. Even though it knew it faced imminent destruction, it roared in cheap defiance. This would be its final hour continuing to defecate on the good name of lizards before it was wiped off the face of the planet.
"Sauelsuesor!" Zyn commanded. "As your queen, I order you to attempt to eliminate SCP-682!"
Sauelsuesor shrugged and did the one thing it could. It made sure all the other planets were out of the line of fire by lining them up in a neat row away from her and thus indirectly creating the inspiration for 2012, and then whipped its hair back and forth. For these two sins it would later be decommissioned by MTF Xi/Kappa-34 ("Daylight Saving Decomm Time").
The resulting blast of follicular flame incinerated SCP-682's flesh, but it adapted too quickly and developed a cryogenic force field that negated the fiery blasts of hairy helium. Its confidence bolstered by this newfound victory over one of the most powerful entries on the Site, it railed brashly against the two gods that hovered above the pentagram-inscribed remains of Site 19.
"What makes you think you can defeat me?" 682 roared, baring its bony tusks at the one deity and the one ordinary guy with heart disease and powers of Keters. "Millions have tried, but none shall prevail!"
"That's what you think," Griffin grunted through the immense strain of using his abilities, before nodding at Zyn. "You know what you have to do."
Zyn nodded in the affirmative, before uniting her power with that of Griffin. Utilising their powers in unison was the only way to defeat 682, for despite all the rumors of his power, Griffin would suffer a cardiac infarction and self-terminate under the stress of the expectation that he would kill it.
Clasping hands, they both unleashed the Dirge of Deletion: "KETER, KETER DUTY, AND D-CLASS DEMOTION!"
With the combined power of innumerable coldposts, they formed a massive magical circle ringed with the text of the Torah, the Apocrypha and The Book of Mormon and summoned a giant construct of pure cosmic vacuum energy that radiated a heroic red glow. 682 knew it was doomed for the pit in the various Hells that awaited it, but screamed one last acid-tinged time.
"You… can't… destroy…"
"You're getting taken downtown, boy!" Zyn announced with pure certainty as both she and Griffin sent the Omega Arrow down towards 682.
Griffin was already in too much pain from both his heart condition and his use of power to scream, but with one last burst of energy, he used the abilities of the Builder Bear to distract 682 and chain it to the Earth, directly in the path of the Arrow. If it wasn't hit on impact, there would be nothing left to fight 682 with, and inevitably his precious Zyn would die fighting against the damnable lizard for the last time.
The Arrow broke the atmosphere, its tip glowing gamma-ray hot as it was forged down to a singularity point. And in one final epic burst of light, the arrow pierced through 682's flesh and pierced its unholy heart with its own power – Hate.
The earth was split in two by a giant white minus sign as 682 was annihilated, damning it to -943 and an executive decision to "never talk about this again" by all involved.
Zyn panted with exertion, her divine form not stable for much longer. But with the remnants of her Thaumiel-class eyeballs, she could see… Griffin, lying on the ground, his body clearly broken due to his ability causing him tremendous pain.
"Griffin!" she screamed, rocketing towards him as fast as she could in order to reach him before it was too late. Crashing to the ground, she quickly bolted towards him and cradled him in her arms.
Griffin opened his eyes weakly. "Z-Zyn?"
"Yes, Griffin?" Zyn could barely speak, her eyes close to overflowing with tears. "I-I'm so sorry you–"
"It's not your fault." Griffin might have nodded understandingly, or might've just been suffering muscle spasms prior to rigor mortis. "You're Thaumiel. The Anti-Keter. You were doomed to destroy me."
Griffin's eyes closed slowly, racked with immense pain.
"N-No!" Zyn's shoulders shook with grief and pain. "I-I wanted to tell you so much, Griffin…" she sobbed. "And I never got the chance to say I loved you all this time…"
His eyes weakly fluttered open, like the wings of the butterflies that had effected this situation. "So you loved me all this time," he chuckled, before coughing because laughing is a terrible idea with several ribs threatening to pierce through your chest. "And just like Thaumiel of the Sephiroth, you showed me two faces… I'm just so glad I got to see this one… one… last… time."
And with one last sigh that escaped from his body, he went limp in Zyn's arms.
[The "mmm, whatcha say" part of Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap plays.]
Zyn, trembling with the fury and anguish that came with the loss of love immortal, gently laid a delicate kiss on his cold, dead, blood-stained lips, as gentle as the touch of a butterfly's antenna.
"I-I'm so sorry my stupid personal bullshit got in the way," she sniffed, tears running down her face. "And you-you never got to see my softer side…"
With those words, she burst into fully-fledged tears whose soft-focus threatened to give the audience a migraine, not knowing that somewhere out there, in the Oneiroi Collective, the humanoid SCP she so wished to contain not so long ago smiled down upon her lovingly.